Awkward Funerals

Discussion in 'Brain Droppings' started by jackandcoke1127, Jan 18, 2011.

  1. jackandcoke1127

    jackandcoke1127 Feel Free to Expect Better

    This thread is the place for everyone to share their awkward, uncomfortable, or just plain embarrassing funeral/viewing/memorial stories. Sometimes it's helpful to look at these situations as opportunities to laugh, not just at the deceased, but at those of us that show up to mourn or show respect.

    I'm going to post mine after I go to work, as I don't have time to type it all out right now. I just didn't want to forget about this idea and never post it. Feel free to start without me though!
  2. I've only ever been to one funeral in my life.

    Nothing out of the ordinary happened. :happysad:
  3. DeSade

    DeSade boing boing whoosh

    This one time I went to a funeral and had to look at a dead body for like an hour and a half.

    Shit was freaky.
  4. Slusho

    Slusho Okay, but wash it first.

    My uncle died when I was three, beat to death while he bent down to take the tape out of the VCR. Strange shit. This random crazy dude walked up into his house during one of his parties, asked to borrow the recording right after the game was over and most people had left the party. When he got down to take it out, this guy grabbed a bat and started going to town on the back of his head. No real cause, my uncle just happened to be a nice enough guy to let a stranger borrow a tape, which happened to be enough for this guy to find a reason to do what he did.

    Anyway, when I was at the funeral -closed casket of course- I happened to lose interest being a child and all. So I started to play with a mound of dirt, throwing clumps around and having fun laughing, playing, and dancing around in it. I felt a sting or two but I ignored it, having to much fun to let it bother me. Turns out I was in a ant pile, by the time I realized this wasn't a sand pen that just happened to be at a funeral service, I was covered in fire ants biting the fuck out of me. My throat closed shut and I had to be rushed to the ER. Barely lived.

    That's the day I found out I'm extremely allergic to the venom in fire ants.
  5. RebelBuddha

    RebelBuddha King of Kurrumpaw

    I'm going to draw flack... but... I remember passing by a funeral and yelling "haha you dead fuck!"

    I really dont understand the whole bit. Someone died... people get all sad and shit... pretty fucking dumb IMO. I'd much rather remember. Fuck crying and all that BS. I'm usually the guy at the funeral reminding people of all the stupid things the person had done. Reminding them that the person was human. Not only that... but... they're fucking dead... so... why lament? No big deal to me.... Respect it sure... remember them.. sure... fucking cry and hold some big ole deal about it... get over yourself.
  6. Centered

    Centered Well-Known Member

    Damn dude.... how many people did you kill in the military?
  7. The Hermit

    The Hermit Cuz I'm just that damn good.

    I'm gonna say I have to agree with kre8or. At the same time, I can't remember the last funeral I was at, and I've never had anyone close to me bite the bullet. I'm not sure if my opinion would/will change if/when someone close to me does die.
  8. Kiwi

    Kiwi Tal'chak'amel

    Funerals in France are odd, at least for me, and the only one I've been too.

    They gather in a super tiny dark room where the body is, the room is about 10m2, you have hardly the place for the body and 10 chairs. People stand there around the body... you can cut the tension with a knife.

    The body is outside its casket, half inclined as if in a hospital bed. So creepy and dark. They put music. I could stand it or 10min and then had to go out and take some air.

    Since there is not much space, it's like the musical chairs, a visitor leaves the place to a new one and so on or 2 days. You can never really talk about the deceased, or talk to people, you just go say "sorry" and leave, you even feel like you are bothering the family. Super gloomy, dark and creepy.

    I don't want to die here :(
  9. Grossburger

    Grossburger Royale W/ Cheese

    most awkward funeral i've been to was for my best friend's mom.
    people were screaming and yelling, like they just found out she died.
    i mean there were a couple ladies there who i guess she went to church with them or someshit. they literally collapsed where they were standing and started screaming and crying LORD NO DON'T TAKE HER AWAY and shit like that.
    all i could think was.... uhhh, too late.
    I just don't get how if we've all known for 3-4 days that she passed away, and had time to mentally and emotionally prepare for the day we all get together to pay our respects, that these folks could put on such a display. it really seemed like they were putting on a show. like trying to upstage the deceased. peacock for everyone how much the loss hurts. make sure EVERYONE sees. my guess is they are probably the same types to "catch the holy ghost" at church and dance around. i guess we all grieve in our own ways though.

    personally, i think i want a new orleans style funeral... with the marching band and parade type shit. throw a party for me.
  10. The Hermit

    The Hermit Cuz I'm just that damn good.

    Just throw me in a hole.

    Well, maybe use a cardboard box. :p
  11. Jugular

    Jugular fuck you bitch and what you been through

    This one time I went to a funeral and it was really awkward lolololol

    iAMtheEPICENTER Perfect Sin

    I have an awkward condolence story, so I think it fits.

    A friend of ours son was hit by a drunk driver on his motorcycle a summer ago, two of us were giving her our condolences, my friend preceded to say "Just be glad he died and doesn't have to deal with this July heat". O_O WTF? Awkward.
  13. PiercedPsycho

    PiercedPsycho Muchly <3

    My great-uncle died the summer I graduated high school, and had been battling cancer for years.

    I have to give you some background, otherwise what I have to say won't make sense. My great-uncle and his wife had two children in their late 50s, early 60s by IVF. Now, my great-uncle was Scottish. Born and raised in Glasgow, still had the thick Glaswegian accent, everything. Apparently it's tradition to pour some scotch in a glass and let the family each drink a sip to honor their passing. I don't know, it's the only funeral service I've ever attended for a Scotsman, so I can't say what's normal and what isn't.

    Well, my second cousin poured "H" some scotch into a glass and started to pass it around the family. Now, at this point in time, my great uncles youngest children (the IVF kids) are 12 and 8, respectively. My great aunt hands the glass to the older girl, "J" and tells her to hand it to some other relative. Before doing so, the little girl throws back half of what is in the glass and my great aunt doesn't even bat an eye.

    When we go back to my great-uncle's house (now my great-aunt's), while my parents are reconnecting with my dad's family members who flew in from Scotland, my sister and I watch as "J" asks another family member if she can try a beer. Instead of saying "No" the family member says "You probably shouldn't. Here, I'm drinking O'Douls. Try this instead" and lets the girl take a swig from their bottle. "J" says "Wow, that stuff tastes great. I wish I could taste real beer instead though"

    This is followed by the boy, "W" telling us he found a hilarious video online that we should watch. The "hilarious video" was a compilation video of people getting badly hurt, and not in a funny Jackass-esque way, but more in a "Oh my god, that poor person...I hope they got immediate medical attention. This is awful" sort of way. "J" and "W" could not stop laughing. Immediately following watching the video, the two switched over to and proceeded to laugh over the shotgun suicide pics.

    I am so glad they are on the other side of the country now.
  14. That's pretty disrespectful. People mourn in their own way; just because death doesn't upset you doesn't mean everyone else should be the same way.

    Most of the funerals I've been to have been lighthearted events; my family likes to just tell jokes and stories about the person who passed. Good stories and bad ones alike. The most awkward funerals are definitely the ones where everyone is crying, no one can even compose themselves to be social or share stories. I've been to two of those, and I didn't stick around long.
  15. Grossburger

    Grossburger Royale W/ Cheese

    most uncomfortable ones are where a parent is burrying one of their kids.

    you shouldn't have to outlive your kids.
  16. Left Hand

    Left Hand I wear glasses.

    I went to a funeral in jeans and a T-shirt. Then I had to stand in that dead woman's house, in the living room, while everyone had a pizza party.
    I did not eat any pizza.
    My first funeral, I also wasn't related to this woman in any shape or form.
  17. Bitch

    Bitch Spaghetti suit! The new take out! Staff

    It was my grandfather's funeral. I was I think around 8? 9? Not sure, but I was young. My great aunt told us all what to say during the funeral. I KNOW she told me to say I was his favorite granddaughter along with some other sentiment. I heard it my own two ears. It made sense, because I was his only granddaughter. We all stood up in a line (me and my brother and the rest of my cousins...which were all boys) and we all spoke what our great aunt said. I said, "I was his favorite granddaughter...." My aunt interrupted me and corrected me in front of everyone saying she told me to say I was his only granddaughter. I was so embarrassed. No one really cared nor probably heard what I said, it's just that we all participated. Heck, we were all a bunch of cute kids standing up in front of family that were all mourning the death of a wonderful man. No one cared what we said exactly. I love my great aunt, but she was nervous too and wanted things perfect for her brother. I was still embarrassed.
  18. jackandcoke1127

    jackandcoke1127 Feel Free to Expect Better

    I said I'd post mine after work, but as usual I've got too much to do and no time to do it. I've got to say I'm shocked at how well you guys have taken off running with this topic. Anyway, here's mine (almost) as promised...

    A few months ago, my father died. To be clear, my father was no great man. Perhaps not great enough to be called a man, even. My mother and I literally laughed ourselves to tears upon reading the typical obituary, claiming what a wonderful citizen he had been. We actually found out about his death from the newspaper, not from friends or relatives. After a lot of deliberation, I decided to go to the viewing. I went for 2 reasons. 1-I considered that if I destroyed my relationship with my daughter and died without making amends, I would at least want her at my funeral out of respect. 2-My mother wanted "to make sure he's dead," and wouldn't go without me.

    I decided to take my 3-year-old daughter and my wife with me, as neither had met him. My wife was mortified for the entire ride to the funeral parlor thanks to my mother and I exchanging wisecracks. We arrive, and are immediately greeted by ONE person that knows who we are out of about 40 people there.

    Inside, my mother decided to go up to the casket first, because she wouldn't be able to stop laughing if she saw me go up first. So I go up, and my daughter demands that she come up with me. Picture a casket, with the deceased's mother standing next to it. Her grandson that she hasn't seen in over 20 years in front of the casket, holding her previously unknown great-granddaughter. Here's a rough dialog between me and my 3-year-old in front of the casket...

    Penny (My Daughter): Who's that?
    Me: That's Daddy's daddy.
    Penny: Is he dead?
    Me: Yes dear, he's dead.
    Penny: Why is he dead?
    Me: Can we talk about this later?

    I couldn't help but laugh as we walked away, but I really didn't want to explain in front of his mother that her son was an alcoholic, thieving, lying, drug addict/dealer/cook. It would figure that a kid with no previous experience with someone dying would ask such obvious questions at the most inopportune times.

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