funny quotes

Discussion in 'Brain Droppings' started by The_DEA, Apr 29, 2004.

  1. The_DEAL

    The_DEAL FAILING @FAILING!

    At least one of these ought to cause a smile!
    1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
    impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than
    Lay People."

    2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

    3. The difference between the Pope and your boss....the Pope only
    expects you to kiss his ring.

    4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

    5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in
    the bathroom.

    6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the
    drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

    7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
    there's shipping and handling, too.

    8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the
    impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

    9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a
    large trash can.

    10. A brunette said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip
    me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn
    signal fluid."

    11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for
    Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a
    condemned building.

    12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was
    and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him
    rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will.
    He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I
    want to bite."

    13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

    14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never
    point the wrong way.

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