In the last 3 days I have spent a grand total of 23 hours on airplanes or in airports. I have been in every time zone in the continental US. Most of them 2 or 3 tims. I have been kicked in the face, I have been elboed in the back of the head, I have had coke spilled on me, I have been sat on, I have been drooled on and I have been subjected to so many fucking crying kids that I'm all for mandatory sterilization. A father, carrying his 4 year old to the bathroom was walking down the isle. Just as he got to me the kid throws a hissy fit and starts flailing and kicked me right in the face. I didn't get so much as an appology. I did get told to watch my language by 4 people and two stewardesses. While waiting for the bathroom a fat woman sat in my lap. She had the nerve to be offended when I told her to get the fuck off of me. Airplane seats are narrow. If you have broad shoulders like me, that means you might have to squeeze into the seat. If you have huge hips that means you need to buy TWO FUCKING seats because I FUCKING PAID for mine. So here are some things, that as a human being you should take into consideration when you're flying. 1. DEODERANT. You are sitting very close to people. You shouldn't smell like nasty Body Oder. 2. Do NOT wear perfume. Some people like to use the whole bottle. If you wear perfume on an airplane you are one of these people. Maybe it's only one squirt. The air is recirculated which means that I'll be smelling it again and again and again. So that one squirt is the whole bottle. 3. Let the guy behind you know you're going to lay your chair back. Because cracking him in the knee is a good way to piss him off. 4. If there are two of you, try to sit the smallest of the two next the other person. For example: If you're a big guy, your wife is small and there is a big guy sitting in the isle, you take the window, and let your wife have the middle. Otherwise you're just going to crowd the other guy. 5. If someone sits down next to you and opens a book, or puts head phones on, or starts working on a laptop take a fucking hint: they do NOT want your life story. 6. The stranger next to you is NOT your FUCKING pillow. 7. If your kid starts screaming, do something. Do it now. Do not ignore it. An airplane full of passengers is not an appropriate time to take a stand and teach your child a lesson. It is an appropriate time to cave in and do whatever you can. 8. If you're a vegetarian let the airline know. If you don't, and they serve you a hamburger be nice. A shit fit at 32,000 feet because you don't eat beef and didn't share that information until now is no good. 9. Last but not least: Remember, there are people that want OFF THE FUCKING AIRPLANE. Don't stand in the isle and repack your carry-on. Either grab your shit and go, or repack in a seat and let other folks go. I dealt with EVERY single one of these things. EVERY assmaster son of a bitch that had to be anywhere this weekend was on the same flight that I was. At one point, I thought about just getting up and letting myself out. But there were only 30 minutes left in the flight and it seemed kinda stupid to put up with so much shit for 4 hours and give up just before it ended anyway.