Inconsiderate assholes on airplanes

Discussion in 'Life Sucks' started by UberSkippy, Nov 6, 2005.

  1. UberSkippy

    UberSkippy a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit

    In the last 3 days I have spent a grand total of 23 hours on airplanes or in airports. I have been in every time zone in the continental US. Most of them 2 or 3 tims.

    I have been kicked in the face, I have been elboed in the back of the head, I have had coke spilled on me, I have been sat on, I have been drooled on and I have been subjected to so many fucking crying kids that I'm all for mandatory sterilization.

    A father, carrying his 4 year old to the bathroom was walking down the isle. Just as he got to me the kid throws a hissy fit and starts flailing and kicked me right in the face. I didn't get so much as an appology. I did get told to watch my language by 4 people and two stewardesses.

    While waiting for the bathroom a fat woman sat in my lap. She had the nerve to be offended when I told her to get the fuck off of me.

    Airplane seats are narrow. If you have broad shoulders like me, that means you might have to squeeze into the seat. If you have huge hips that means you need to buy TWO FUCKING seats because I FUCKING PAID for mine.

    So here are some things, that as a human being you should take into consideration when you're flying.

    1. DEODERANT. You are sitting very close to people. You shouldn't smell like nasty Body Oder.
    2. Do NOT wear perfume. Some people like to use the whole bottle. If you wear perfume on an airplane you are one of these people. Maybe it's only one squirt. The air is recirculated which means that I'll be smelling it again and again and again. So that one squirt is the whole bottle.
    3. Let the guy behind you know you're going to lay your chair back. Because cracking him in the knee is a good way to piss him off.
    4. If there are two of you, try to sit the smallest of the two next the other person. For example: If you're a big guy, your wife is small and there is a big guy sitting in the isle, you take the window, and let your wife have the middle. Otherwise you're just going to crowd the other guy.
    5. If someone sits down next to you and opens a book, or puts head phones on, or starts working on a laptop take a fucking hint: they do NOT want your life story.
    6. The stranger next to you is NOT your FUCKING pillow.
    7. If your kid starts screaming, do something. Do it now. Do not ignore it. An airplane full of passengers is not an appropriate time to take a stand and teach your child a lesson. It is an appropriate time to cave in and do whatever you can.
    8. If you're a vegetarian let the airline know. If you don't, and they serve you a hamburger be nice. A shit fit at 32,000 feet because you don't eat beef and didn't share that information until now is no good.
    9. Last but not least: Remember, there are people that want OFF THE FUCKING AIRPLANE. Don't stand in the isle and repack your carry-on. Either grab your shit and go, or repack in a seat and let other folks go.

    I dealt with EVERY single one of these things. EVERY assmaster son of a bitch that had to be anywhere this weekend was on the same flight that I was. At one point, I thought about just getting up and letting myself out. But there were only 30 minutes left in the flight and it seemed kinda stupid to put up with so much shit for 4 hours and give up just before it ended anyway.
     
  2. Invader

    Invader Last Living Souls

    Thats fucking pathetic. But, I have been one of those people that are a vegetarian and dont say anything :redface: oopsies, I didnt even think about it. Now I know better though. And I realize that last time I was on an airplace, many of those things happened to me too. I was not a happy camper at the end of the trip.
     
  3. void

    void Banned - What an Asshat!

    i have flown far too much.. blah blah 35 countries.. plane travel does suck but it's worth it.. anyway, i always get the wing seats with more legroom, i know the trick of the toilet patterns.. best time to go isn't after food.. and i generally just talk to people when spoken to..

    but i wish we were allowed to shoot each other sometimes.
     
  4. I've flown a few times.

    Mostly local-ish flights to Vancouver (hour and a half flying from here).

    But I flew to georgia a few weeks ago. Thankfully I didn't have to put up with that shit, and was actually able to sleep during the flight.:happysad:
     
  5. ThomConspicuous

    ThomConspicuous Inconspicuously Informal

    I have definitely had my fair share of horrible airport experiences. The worst two were due to delays at my origination that have landed me in the horrible position of trying to get stand-by at a layover in order to try and get to my destination the day I hoped to arrive.

    My worst experience ever was trying to fly from Ohio to Nebraska on Xmas day. Spent 24 hours in 4 different terminals because the plane wings wouldn't de-ice properly. It took the airline 2 hrs to decide that it was unfixable we should get on another plane. Not that I wanted to fly on a plane with issues...by any means...but they could have made the decision that we needed to get on another plane in less than 30 mins IMHO.

    You by far have had it much worse than me, Uber. I have never been drooled on or had anything spilt on me. Worse I've experienced from other passengers is kicking the back of my seat by some brat.

    Your list gets a major :thumbsup: , but I would add 'Do not bring food on the plane with you, especially Chinese food. It smells horrible and stinks up the entire plane.' Had this happen to me on a freaking 1.5 hr flight. Almost made me want to endure the restrooms on the plane and hurl.

    Now riding a Greyhound is a much different story. My first and last experience on a Greyhound was the worst travel experience I've ever had. Nascar fan got on bus next to me, dirty white t-shirt, took up half my seat, and broke your first rule in aces. Phew! :eek:
     
  6. crunkitup

    crunkitup *sarcastic look*

    The screaming kids are what really get me. I mean, if you are a parent, you're on an 8 hour flight and your kid starts screaming... take all the other passengers into consideration and SHUT THE KID UP! Anyway, that sounds like the plane trip from hell. I agree, plane trips (especially the 12 hour ones) would be a lot more bearable if people were more considerate.
     
  7. Stardust

    Stardust that's just the way it is Premium

    auch..poor you US :hug2:
    I luckily the times when ive flown ive sat with friends..so no stinky, icky yuckie fellas next to me :D
     
  8. meh_it_all

    meh_it_all WTF.com Sexy Pimp-ette.

    I've flown so many times..

    Sorry to hear that Uber. That sucks. :p
     
  9. ChilianFuckFace

    ChilianFuckFace Banned - What an Asshat!

    :thumbsdn: Fuck that! I would probably jump the fuck out. Or I would smack the kid shut, punch the fat lady, knock the father out, bitch slap the fligh attendance, eat the burger that the idiot dont want, and get arrested when the plane lands. :gun: :gun:
     
  10. Flying is stupid anyway!

    Now that the USA has a lot of idiotic rules and regulations for flight passengers, I won't ever fly to the USA anyway.

    Authorities yell at you, and that is just one of the minor offences I've been told by Dutchmen visiting the USA, and some of them were old war veterans!
    Hey.. We used to be allies you know! :rolleyes:
     
  11. Outlawed

    Outlawed Flame Bait

    Absolutely FUCKING right you are thread starter person!
     
  12. leehype

    leehype drunk with a jeep problem

    I love your list, it is one of those "why don't people know this allready?" My best plane flight was from bootcamp to A-school. There was 36 of us on the plane and no civilans:D And after 3 months of not seeing any girls, the fligh attendances were the hottest wemen we ever saw in our lives.

    The worst flying exp for me was after A-school. I flew from florida to St. louis. I had 4 plane changes, spent 6 hours in layover, and spent a totle time of 14 hours on a plane:mad:

    I think everyone hates flying so much, they just want someone else to suffer as much as they think they are.
     
  13. void

    void Banned - What an Asshat!

    worst flight..
    bangkok to london, the guy next to me confided he was smuggling heroin.
    he was really high..

    or nashvile to miami 2002, there were two muslim guys and one muslim woman, two guys together, woman seperate but they kept signalling to each other, then the woman started crying and kept shouting 'La' which is arabic for no, she wasn't saying 'allah' like she was scared, i thought that at first.. she was shouting 'No' at the two guys.. i rolled my inflight magazine up real tight and watched the guys like a hawk.. nothing happened. half the plane was having panic attacks.

    best flights..

    dhaka, bangladesh to kathmandu, nepal.. you go from sealevel over the himalaya.. beautiful day, everyone on the plane were like little kids..

    port blair, andaman islands to chennai, india.. i lost my seat because the prime ministers son stole it.. so the other carrier offered to take me but first class to compensate.. i had leather trousers on, was about 40 pounds underweight and put on my best decadent english upper class accent.. the stewards/eses all thought i was a rockstar and gave me as much champagne as i could manage and sat around talking to me.. and you really don't notice your fellow traveller in first class..

    phnom penh, cambodia to bangkok is a beautiful flight too, you stay real low and the only passengers are asian business men, small and polite.. of course i ruined the whole experience by carrying a pound of weed..

    in and out of zurich is good, decent passengers, excellent scenery.

    the worst felow passengers i ever experienced were americans, they don't seem to get the concept that when you are in the real world you are not number one, a little bit of 'calm the fuck down and take a xanax' would help a lot.. oh and french middle class people going to israel, oh and israelis.. talk about a room full of people thinking they are job number one..

    it all makes me laugh though, travel is easier if you relax.. unless you think the guys two rows ahead are terrorists because you just bought into the whole media scare thing.. :happysad:
     
  14. skully

    skully GO BEARS!!!!

    worst flight ever.

    Bombay(india) to chicago via Dusseldorf(germany) and amsterdam

    The flight oin bombay got delayed by two hours. We were allready in the plane so we couldnt get out. We wiat on the rumway for two fucking hours because of bad weather.We finally takeoff and when we are approaching amsterdam, there is to much fog and we are running out of fuel. Great, so now the pilot take us to dusseldorf in germany.When we land we still arent allowed to get out of hte fucking plane.The least the fucking airhostesses can do is give us a fucking glass of water. We wait there for 3 whole hours and then we take off for amsterdam. Obviously we miss our connecting floght to chicago.Half the people on our plane were goin to chicago. So we stand IN INE for 4 hours getting connecting tickets to detroit (which is the only available plane going near chicago that day). We rreach Detroit and then we finally reach Chicago. Think the story is over? nopes, After we reach, we find out that our luggage is in amsterdam.All of it.Not a single bag came.In my carry on i have like my laptop,ipod and a empty bottle.
    I go home and our apartment was being repainted and the carpet was being changed. For 4 days i was sleeping behind the piano and i got so sick of it that i stayed at my friends for 3 days afer that. We got or luggage 1 week after comming to chicago.

    Moral the incident Dont fly NORTHWESTERN/KLM
    Fuck them bastards.:mfinger: :gun: :sword: :flamed:
     
  15. ChilianFuckFace

    ChilianFuckFace Banned - What an Asshat!

    I have heard many others talk much about your ways of viewing things. However, this is the first time I am a bit annoyed by it. By all means hate America and the American way, that is your right. But your post has nothing to do with the subject at hand.

    This type of situation happens all over the world, not just America. So please retain yourself from making this a Europe and America thread. This is not the place or the thread to do it. We have many of them already.

    Also, this is not meant as a flame. Just wanted to point out how out of topic your post was.
     
  16. CVN70

    CVN70 That's CPT. Forge to you!

    What gets me is the person sitting next to me laughing obnoxiously loud when I'm trying to sleep.
     
  17. Jugular

    Jugular fuck you bitch and what you been through

    I hate....



    running out of battery for my iPod.


    :confused:
     
  18. Bitch

    Bitch I lost my head in San Fransisco Staff

    OOO man screaming kids with parents that ingore them piss me off! Not to mention those that pay no mind to anythign their kids are doing even if they are annoying the peopel around them.

    For example: I get migraines unfortunately. This time I had a seriously nasty one where any about of movement, sound, scent and light was going to irritate it. There was a little child behind me. probably around 8 years old and his mother was next to him in the window seat reading a magazine. There was plenty of room to lean my chair back so I went ahead and leaned. Apparently the kid didn't like it and pushed my chair back up. I decided to just assume he was just being a kid and returned it to the lean position. Up went my seat again. This time I looked at the kid nicely but enough so he knew I was not pleased by his actions then leaned again. Up went my chair. Not at one time did his mother say a word. I turned around and gave her a look. She saw me and I let her know that her kids been kicking my chair and I'm not feeling well. She just smiled and looked at her kid and went back to reading. I went ahead and leaned my chair back again. I dind't get a kick for another....minute! Got a few hard kicks and a push again. This time I turned around and said to the kid, please stop that! Now I'm not in the practice of back talking or scolding someone else's kid but she obviously couldn't care less what her kid was doing even knowing it was disturbing me. I leaned one more time (this is getting funny almost but I was furious. There wasn't another seat on the flight and I had to be stuck infront of the biggest brat I knew. I went for the attendant button....before I pressed it I heard the mother say to her kid to switch seats. FINALLY! Clueless bitch finally got the hint! I was able to nap now for at least a little while before I was interrupted to be offered a drink. AHHHHHHH Why do attendants feel they gotta wake you up to ask you if you want a drink. NO! I don't want a drink! I want to sleep! AHHHHHHHHHH
     
  19. angrywelshman

    angrywelshman Philosopher

    Yeah, I'm gonna agree with Chilian here, I'm an American and yes, I hate some of the systems but we certainly don't have to make this entire thread a hate-list of America. Now back to the subject at hand: Why flying blows.
     
  20. slemaire195

    slemaire195 Flame Bait

    the airline needs to throw the flight safety video out the fucking window and put on a instructional courtesy tape. my once-a-week flight gets everything in that first list, and these need to be added:

    1) no farting, burping, or gas expulsion of any kind will be tolerated on an airplane, whether it be silent or loud, inert or deadly.. we do not want our routines disrupted by your bodily functions. one word: takeashit.

    2) all children who are obnoxious, loud, irritating, or in any form disruptive to any passenger will be placed in an overhead storage bin with a sound-proof seal, one flashlight, and a book.

    3) all electronics which make a SINGLE noise (with the exception of placing it in a silent mode and\or turning it off, because this is courteous) will be seized and returned at the end of the flight. This includes cell phones, laptops, iPods\CD players, gameboys, everything. if you can control the volume, turn the sound off. if you can't control the volume, turn the device OFF.

    4) have some fucking manners. request permission to lay your seat back. it is better to disturb someone verbally than to lay back at will and crush their legs.

    5) if i want a drink, i'll press the "call" button that the airplane was built with. when finishing up paperwork, the last thing i want is a drink to spill and ruin it.

    6) if you're fat, buy 2 seats. if your ass is going to bulge out even after requesting 2 seats, request your own row. obesity costs money.. sorry.

    7) bathroom rules: while taking a shit may be relieving to you, the scent is not relieving to any of us. not only is it gross on the ground, but airplanes make any problem 2095 times worse. if you feel the urge to shit, you are allowed to respond IF and only IF your flight is international, or lasts more than 5 hours and you can't wait, and you are literally about to shit your pants, thus causing more stench even when seated (includes diarrhea).

    8) Cell phones use radio waves. Radio waves interfere with flight instruments. If you would like the plane to crash, you may freely use your cell phone\radio wave emitting device. Otherwise, turn off your fucking cell phone.

    9) sick? gonna spew? no problem! vomit bags are located right in front of you. the floor, a passenger's lap, and/or a passenger's leg\shoe are all completely unacceptable places to blast your bits.

    feel free to add as necessary.
     

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