Nasty Sex Jokes

Discussion in 'Brain Droppings' started by Descent, Sep 8, 2004.

  1. Descent

    Descent Hella Constipated

    Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
    A. The Captains Dinghy!

    Q. What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
    A. The aids team.

    Q. What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
    A. See you next period.

    Q. What do you call a female clown?
    A. A Clunt

    Q. How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
    A. He fell off the ball washer!

    Q. What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
    A. Vomit

    Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
    A. One of his fingers is clean.

    Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
    A. They're called 'Predickamints'

    Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
    A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'

    More jokes to come!

    Oh and Broken, I agree with you that the site has been boring lately. After the back to school season dies down, the n00by teeangers should stop posting about how "Oh, my life sucks, i'm gonna kill myself, blah blah, MTV, blah."

    Have fun cocksuckers!
  2. MaxPower

    MaxPower Palms are sweaty, moms spagetti Staff

    A girl goes fishing with four men.

    None of the guys caught a fish, but she came home with a red snapper.
  3. Descent

    Descent Hella Constipated

    What?
  4. FUBAR

    FUBAR Jean Jacket Tough Guy

    SHE GOT RAMMED BY 4 GUYS!
  5. UnChew

    UnChew 100% Peruvian Pussy*

    So... are those jokes..... :S? Nice... well.... not really... just... OK...
  6. Descent

    Descent Hella Constipated

    Then why did you reply?
  7. MaxPower

    MaxPower Palms are sweaty, moms spagetti Staff

    What's the difference between the circus and the Radio city music hall’s Rockettes?

    A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
  8. dustinzgirl

    dustinzgirl Banned - What an Asshat!

    Why oh why did I read this? I soooooo dont belong here. Ok, leaving now...enjoy yorselves.
  9. skylinec

    skylinec Somewhere in the Between

    those are mean man no matter who its talkin' 'bout
  10. juggernaut

    juggernaut Stop ASKING Me!

    pain is at the root of all humor.

    it's an important lesson...
  11. Dave666

    Dave666 Pot-Head

    What does Wacko Jacko and Mcdonalds have in common?

    They both like to stick there beef in two twelve year old buns
  12. Jeranamo

    Jeranamo Flame Bait

    ... BAHAHAHAHAHHA. I'd say that's the best one on here because it's TRUE :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
  13. Brain Spout

    Brain Spout Wizard No More

    an 80 year old guy has recently married a nice hot 20 year old. he decides that he needs a doctors appointment, wants to keep in good health.

    anyways at the doctors:
    80 year old guy(G)
    doctor(D)
    G: hows it going doc, i just got married last month and we're expecting a child
    D: you got you wife pregnant, at 80? she can still and you can still.
    G: she definitely can, shes 20.
    D: oh, i see, can i tell you a story
    G: sure go ahead
    D: you see, i got this friend who goes hunting every weekend. he probably about 80 years old now, like you. anyway a couple years ago he went out hunting, but instead of bringing his gun he brought a cane foolishly. unfortunately hes unaware of this. so he shoulders the cane and takes aim at a beaver close by. he pulls the trigger three times on his imaginary gun and 'bam bam bam' the beaver fall over dead. now what do you think of that story?
    G: well, i think that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver
  14. HAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! REPPED! :thumbsup:
  15. Jarilith

    Jarilith Flame Bait

    A recently widowed elderly woman was speaking to her husbands ashes. "You know Frank, that mink coat I always wanted? Well now that your gone, I finally bought it for myself. And that ocean cruise you wouldn't agree to? I leave for that next week." She pours the ashes on the coffee table and says "now that I am getting all these things that *I* wanted, you know that blow job you always wanted?" She stands up and turns on the leaf blower.



    Q: What's the difference between a truck load a bowling balls and a truckload of babies?

    A: You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
  16. Descent

    Descent Hella Constipated

    So you're the necroposter, here? The last post was on 9-11-04 for a reason.
  17. n00b head

    n00b head The pron storer

    Whats the difference between fish fingers and chocolate fingers?
    About 4 inches

    and since Jarililith has gotten started on baby jokes here's a few of my favourites

    Whats the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
    I don't have a ferrari in my garage

    Whats worse than 10 babies in a bin?
    1 baby in 10 bins

    What has 4 legs and an arm?
    A Rottweiler in a nursery

    How many babies does it take to paint a house?
    Depends how hard you throw them
  18. Descent

    Descent Hella Constipated

    Fucking [​IMG]. Dopefish kicks ass.
  19. n00b head

    n00b head The pron storer

    Everyone hail the marvelous dopefish.
    SWIM SWIM HUNGRY!!
  20. durtytoothbrush

    durtytoothbrush no piggy no!!!

    This woman is starting to get up there age-wise and decides she wants to get a lift "down there". So she goes in to consult with her doctor who says it's great and they will do it for her. She is very direct in saying that she doesn't want anyone to know about it.
    So she goes through the surgery and when she wakes up there are 3 bouquets of flowers in her room. She gets really pissed off because the doctor wasn't supposed to tell anybody. When the doctor comes into the room she immediately jumps on him asking who sent the flowers.
    He replies:
    "THe first boquet is from me because I think that you are really brave for going through this procedure..."
    "The second is from my assistant because he really admires you and your bravery..."
    "The third is from the patient downstairs, he'd like to thank you for his new ears"

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