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15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while waiting for your wife...

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#1
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 2-minute intervals.

3 Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4 Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3'
in housewares and see what happens.

5 Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6 Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7 Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8 When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why
can't you people just leave me alone?'

9 Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your
nose.

10 While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11 Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12 In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13 Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15 Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
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#2
Why are all of your posts nothing but really lame jokes that you cut and pasted from somewhere else?
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#4
zues696 said:
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 2-minute intervals.
I did something like that once, except my friends and I took egg timers and set them at 10-15 second intervals. It was awesome to watch the person run around and try to get them all before they made too much noise.

Banned from 3 department stores, a drug store, and 2 7-11's. Yeeeeah.
 

Swid

Mentally Incarcerated
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#5
How exactly do they ban you from stores? Like how do they keep you out and keep tab of those banned?
 

Icarus

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#6
They don't very well, sometimes they have pictures behind the register and shit.
 

leehype

drunk with a jeep problem
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#7
Swid said:
How exactly do they ban you from stores? Like how do they keep you out and keep tab of those banned?
They do the same thing as casinos, they take pic's and if anyone maches the pic's, they get the security thing.

Walmart don't like it when you give a friend some cutting goggles, and act like your guiding your blind friend in to things.
 

Spikey

Supreme Leader
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#8
zues696 said:
11 Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
Did that at K-mart and at several hotels
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#9
i used to ban people from my record store.. i would catch someone stealing cds, have a fight with him, then sit on him while someone else called cops.. and then if he ever came back i'd recognise him.. don't ask me how but you just sort of remember people who's head you've sat on for 20 minutes while they scream threats and beg for air..
 

Spikey

Supreme Leader
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#10
zues696 said:
14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
hahaha :lol: :thumbsup:
 

skully

GO BEARS!!!!
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#11
two exactly same posts in a span of 2 minutes....how do you explain that?
 

VolumeOne

Clitpickle
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#14
squashmuffin said:
i got banned from a fucking drive through for licking the mic...
Either you have a very long tongue or just incredible driver skills - wait..did you do it from your car?
 

Icarus

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#15
I went through a drive through with a (female) friend and made sexual grunting and moaning noises like a bad porn... and she kept pausing and giggling, and I kept saying "Com'mon, if you want to do this then we have to do it completely!"

We then touseled our hair and I put my shirt on backwards... and pulled up to some very intrigued Burger King employees at the window.
 
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#16
My brother drove a bunch of his friends to the local D&W and ran around tapping people on the head. And this one old lady got the manager and they called the police and my brother was fined and if he did anything for a year he would be put in jail. Also him and two other friends were kicked out of the Library because one of them ran down the stairs to the door screaming loudly.
 

swizeguy

How dare you!?
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#17
Icarus said:
I went through a drive through wih a (female) friend and made sexual grunting and moaning noises like a bad porn... and she kept pausing and giggling, and I kept saying "Com'mon, if you want to do this then we have to do it completely!"

We then touseled our hair and I put my shirt on backwards... and pulled up to some very intrigued Burger King employees at the window.
I did something like that with my girl at wendy's. Well we actualy did it at wendy's... Needless to say we got some weird looks as we drove past the windows.:happysad:
 

King Goldfish

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#18
Damn people, you cant expect New Material all the time.
Its still kind of funny, even though I read it before.

Where is the chuck Norris post? Thats still stuck in my head.
 
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#19
Icarus said:
I went through a drive through with a (female) friend and made sexual grunting and moaning noises like a bad porn... and she kept pausing and giggling, and I kept saying "Com'mon, if you want to do this then we have to do it completely!"

We then touseled our hair and I put my shirt on backwards... and pulled up to some very intrigued Burger King employees at the window.
That's fucking HILARIOUS!!!:thumbsup: Reminds me of the time when me and my buddy went to a McDonald's. When we got up to the counter to order, my friend would say "Mc" before everything got the guy behind the counter and the rest of the employees rolling. It ended up sounding something along these lines: "Mc Hi, M cI, Mc Would, Mc Like, Mc Some, Mc Fries, Mc With, Mc A, Mc Coke. Mc I, Mc Would, Mc Also, Mc Like, Mc One, Mc Number, Mc Seven, Mc Please". It was funny as hell.
 

Margrette

Delusions of Adequacy
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#20
leehype said:
They do the same thing as casinos, they take pic's and if anyone maches the pic's, they get the security thing.

Walmart don't like it when you give a friend some cutting goggles, and act like your guiding your blind friend in to things.
LMDO laughing my dick off...repped...blind folks gags are awesome. gagging blind folks is fun too