WTF ... IS WTF!?
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A dogs near death experiance

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
9,287
742
387
#1
I had my fill for the day of WTF.com's blatent disreguard for intelligence. So I decided it was time to crap out for the night.
I proceeded to shuffle my happy ass off to bed, when I figured I'd better take a shot of the ol' Tylenol sore throat medicine.
I'd felt somewhat ill the last few days; what could it hurt? I guess a family member thought it would be cute to pass it on to me unexpectedly. Anyhoo....

A bit later, I'm wide the fuck awake; when I shouldn't be, that is. So I check the tylenol bottle. Much to my surprise, nowhere on the bottle does it say nitetime, or daytime. I had only taken the recommended dosage. I never knew the effects of two table spoons would equate to a gram of crack! Any other time, this cheap buzz might have been fun. But not at 1 o'clock in the morning. Then 2am..then 3am.. I'm fairly pissed off by this time. By this time I mean the wee hours of the morn. It's so dead quiet around here, not even the ceiling fans could utter the slightest squeek.

Do you know what it sounds like when a dog drinks from the toilet? (no, they don't drink from the shitters here.) That wet lapping sound. Yeah, that's it. Now that you can hear it, try to think of what it sounds like coming from a flabby armpit.
That's right. The whole fuckin' time I'm staring at my eyelids, I'm listening to a piss poor excuse of mans best friend eating at his asshole. I can't think of a more irritating sound.

After about an hour or so, I could take no more. In a fit of blind rage, I whipped a shoe at the ass eating dipshit. Being that it was dark- I was as gracefull as a blind man pitching to Sammy Sosa. My failure to nail the mutt would only wake the wife.
She bounced up as if I had set her ass on fire. She had only darted a quick deadly glare my way as if to imply, "WTF!" and without so much as uttering a single word, she promptly bolted back off to sleepyland and the sounds of rusty chainsaws, that I had rudely interupted.

So here I am, two hours later. Still listening to the dog ensuring the world that he shall have the cleanest asshole in town. Suddenly the sound of a 5 o' clock alarm rips through the semi-silent air. Signaling to the dog that it's time to stop obsessively eating at his forever funky ass, ending my nightmare. The best part is; I've worked up a spiffy migraine through out the ordeal. And a new day has begun, no time for sleep now.

The moral of this story:
My dog has no idea how close he came to his own death.
.....and fuck Tylenol!

Son of a bitch!
 

breakology

Kiss my Converse
1,890
4
102
#2
lol @ pain, suffering, and drug abuse of others ... :p I'm sure it sucked for you but that was the funniest thing I have read here this month.

Just out of curiousity ... did the dog lick anyones face later that morning?
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#3
Damn...gehtfuct....I hate to say it, but its time for you clean your life up man.

Normally I would be right there with you, hitting the juice like nobody's business...but we've come to a crossroads and you have to choose....sleeping under a bridge...or next to an OCD dog. Its time for a WTF intervention, we'll just lure him in with a trail of fruit snacks...worked last time...*ahem*
 

1ct-on!

Take the Bus , BITCH !!
607
0
0
#4
Wohooow , man that IS definately THE story !! i never heared anything like that
But this medicine you've taken ?? ..... gimme the name of this stuff man !!
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
9,287
742
387
#5
The dog is an hundred pound German Shepard braindead dipshit that I lovingly refer to as dumbass. Yes,he answers to dumbass. He's about as fearless as a field mouse and a suck up to the ladies. I've had his stupid ass for about twelve years..and...I could...have...[listening]

I'll be goddamned if that fuckers not eating his ass right now. I tell ya what. Next time I throw a shoe at his dumpy ass,I'll be sure that my foot is still in it.
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
4,261
4
0
#6
id have taken a shot of everclear. Nothin like 190 proof blast of alcohol to sooth the nerves and calm the spirit. It probably would have worked better than Tylenol. See, whenever I have flu-like symptoms, I don't turn to Nyquil, oh no. I turn to Odesse! Works wonders.

And... do you live in an apartment or something? Couldn't you have put the dog outside, or... locked up in another room until morning?
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
9,287
742
387
#7
tbsrk said:
id have taken a shot of everclear. Nothin like 190 proof blast of alcohol to sooth the nerves and calm the spirit. It probably would have worked better than Tylenol. See, whenever I have flu-like symptoms, I don't turn to Nyquil, oh no. I turn to Odesse! Works wonders.
Well,I had strep throat and a temp of 104ish for a bit. So when I took the Tylenol before,it didn't keep me awake. The severe pain did that for me. But thanks though,I'll try the paint thinner next time. :thumbsup:
And... do you live in an apartment or something? Couldn't you have put the dog outside, or... locked up in another room until morning?
It's a house. In the middle of bum fuck. I did kick dumbass out of the room though,all that did was amplify the anal slobbering down the hall. At the time,I was beyond fucktarded to think of kicking his narrow ass outside.
 

Smoke

Banned - What an Asshat!
2,583
0
0
#8
That was so fucking disgusting gehtfuct


..but it was so funny. :thumbsup:
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
4,674
16
0
#10
gehtfuct said:
The dog is an hundred pound German Shepard braindead dipshit that I lovingly refer to as dumbass. Yes,he answers to dumbass. He's about as fearless as a field mouse and a suck up to the ladies. I've had his stupid ass for about twelve years..and...I could...have...[listening]

I'll be goddamned if that fuckers not eating his ass right now. I tell ya what. Next time I throw a shoe at his dumpy ass,I'll be sure that my foot is still in it.
wait no. I know what your problem is.
My dog buttercup (god rest her soul) use to have a problem of licking her self. It is nervs. There is a medication you can give your dog (believe it sold at Petco.) that will help with this prob. Also reasuring the mutt that you love it will help. :)
 

EMTPIXIE

Clitpickle
69
0
0
#11
gehtfuct said:
I had my fill for the day of WTF.com's blatent disreguard for intelligence. So I decided it was time to crap out for the night.
I proceeded to shuffle my happy ass off to bed,when I figured I'd better take a shot of the ol' Tylenol sore throat medicine.
I'd felt somewhat ill the last few days;what could it hurt? I guess a family member thought it would be cute to pass it on to me unexpectedly. Anyhoo....

A bit later,I'm wide the fuck awake;when I shouldn't be,that is. So I check the tylenol bottle. Much to my surprize,nowhere on the bottle does it say nitetime,or daytime. I had only taken the recommended dosage. I never knew the effects of two table spoons would equate to a gram of crack! Any other time,this cheap buzz might have been fun. But not at 1 o'clock in the morning. Then 2am..then 3am.. I'm fairly pissed off by this time. By this time I mean the wea hours of the morn. It's so dead quiet around here,not even the cieling fans could utter the slightest squeek.

Do you know what it sounds like when a dog drinks from the toilet? (no,they don't drink from the shitters here.) That wet lapping sound. Yeah,that's it. Now that you can hear it,try to think of what it sounds like coming from a flabby armpit.
That's right. The whole fuckin' time i'm staring at my eyelids,i'm listening to a piss poor excuse of mans best friend eating at his asshole. I can't think of a more irritating sound.

After about an hour or so,I could take no more. In a fit of blind rage,I whipped a shoe at the ass eating dipshit. Being that it was dark. I was as gracefull as a blind man pitching to Sammy Sosa. My failure to nail the mutt would only wake the wife.
She bounced up as if I had set her ass on fire. She had only darted a quick deadly glare my way as if to imply,"WTF!" and without so much as uttering a single word,she promptly bolted back off to sleepyland and the sounds of rusty chainsaws,that I had rudely interupted.

So here I am,two hours later. Still listening to the dog ensuring the world that he shall have the cleanest asshole in town. Suddenly the sound of a 5 o' clock alarm rips through the semi-silent air. Signaling to the dog that it's time to stop obsessively eating at his forever funky ass,ending my nightmare. The best part is;I've worked up a spiffy migraine through out the ordeal. And a new day has begun,no time for sleep now.

The moral of this story:
My dog has no idea how close he came to his own death.
.....and fuck Tylenol!

Son of a bitch!
Ever notice that the world (including all of God's creatures) always wants to fuck with you when you're sick? I think it's a conspiracy. Next time you feel like that, take whatever you want for your throat, then pop a Benadryl capsule...if antihistamine affects you like it does most people it'll be nighty-night in about 30 mins. BTW...get the pooch a good chew toy.
 

dookie

OMGWTFBBQ!!1!
724
0
16
#14
LMAO!! it would've been the first ever documented shoe related canine murder cases!
 

A-shardof-life

Banned - What an Asshat!
37
0
0
#15
gehtfuct said:
I had my fill for the day of WTF.com's blatent disreguard for intelligence. So I decided it was time to crap out for the night.
I proceeded to shuffle my happy ass off to bed,when I figured I'd better take a shot of the ol' Tylenol sore throat medicine.
I'd felt somewhat ill the last few days;what could it hurt? I guess a family member thought it would be cute to pass it on to me unexpectedly. Anyhoo....

A bit later,I'm wide the fuck awake;when I shouldn't be,that is. So I check the tylenol bottle. Much to my surprize,nowhere on the bottle does it say nitetime,or daytime. I had only taken the recommended dosage. I never knew the effects of two table spoons would equate to a gram of crack! Any other time,this cheap buzz might have been fun. But not at 1 o'clock in the morning. Then 2am..then 3am.. I'm fairly pissed off by this time. By this time I mean the wea hours of the morn. It's so dead quiet around here,not even the cieling fans could utter the slightest squeek.

Do you know what it sounds like when a dog drinks from the toilet? (no,they don't drink from the shitters here.) That wet lapping sound. Yeah,that's it. Now that you can hear it,try to think of what it sounds like coming from a flabby armpit.
That's right. The whole fuckin' time i'm staring at my eyelids,i'm listening to a piss poor excuse of mans best friend eating at his asshole. I can't think of a more irritating sound.

After about an hour or so,I could take no more. In a fit of blind rage,I whipped a shoe at the ass eating dipshit. Being that it was dark. I was as gracefull as a blind man pitching to Sammy Sosa. My failure to nail the mutt would only wake the wife.
She bounced up as if I had set her ass on fire. She had only darted a quick deadly glare my way as if to imply,"WTF!" and without so much as uttering a single word,she promptly bolted back off to sleepyland and the sounds of rusty chainsaws,that I had rudely interupted.

So here I am,two hours later. Still listening to the dog ensuring the world that he shall have the cleanest asshole in town. Suddenly the sound of a 5 o' clock alarm rips through the semi-silent air. Signaling to the dog that it's time to stop obsessively eating at his forever funky ass,ending my nightmare. The best part is;I've worked up a spiffy migraine through out the ordeal. And a new day has begun,no time for sleep now.

The moral of this story:
My dog has no idea how close he came to his own death.
.....and fuck Tylenol!

Son of a bitch!
lol... such a funny story