WTF ... IS WTF!?
We are a collective of people who believe in freedom of speech, the rights of individuals, and free pancakes! We share our lives, struggles, frustrations, successes, joys, and prescribe to our own special brand of humor and insanity. If you are looking for a great place to hang out, make new friends, find new nemeses, and just be yourself, WTF.com is your new home.

A little insight into Meh's life.

meh_it_all

WTF.com Sexy Pimp-ette.
5,034
3
132
#1
Okay, well I haven't written a thread in awhile, and I figured I would, and this one would be about my mum.
This isn't a sympathy thread..I just wanted to vent a bit, I wouldn't normally put this kinda problem out there, but eh. Who cares.
I don't want stupid remarks, because I will delete them. ;)

This is long. Sorry. :rolleyes:
Anyways, Here goes.

I never had much of a childhood, because of that, I'm quite mature, even before I was around, my mum had a problem with drinking. Yes, you guessed she's an alcoholic.
Now, her father had a drinking problem too, but he managed to handle it.

I am a daddy's girl, I can't deny it, now ever since I was born, I got very close to my dad, there were all types of jealousy between my mum because of this.
Apperantly there were actually sites of her drinking problem before this, so it wasn't all my fault. :)tongue:)
But, this is when it all came out mostly, It got much worst over time, and things happened, we tried to help her, she went in and out of care about 7 times while I was young, but nothing ever helped.
In 1994, my mum got pregnent again, I was goona have a baby brother.
He was born, but then died 2 weeks later, apperantly there wasinternal bleeding through the last parts of the pregnency, and they didn't know. That was caused from her drinking.

She still blames herself for that.
My mum and dad got divorced when I was 7, I went to go live with my dad, Then about a year later, or more - My mum got re-married, to a guy, I really can't stand.
He's a builder, nothing against builders, but the typical english builder.
(If you have seen them). He's quite short with a bald head, I've never really talked to him, ever. Nor do I want to be known as his step-daughter.
Because why? Well he likes to drink too, maybe he doesn't realise my mum's drinking problem, sure, he may not be able to know what to do, but he doesn't help it, that's for sure.

My mum likes to lie a lot, maybe that's because she likes sympathy, or something, who knows, but while my mum and dad were married, my mum would always accuse my dad of hitting her, when actually it was the other way around. She would make up anything just to get him arrested, (and one time it worked, only for a night though) and she will make up lies about a person when she doesn't like them, just to make their life worst, this is way it's really hard to see if she is ACTUALLY telling the truth or not at times.

Now we come to last year, Oct 2004.

She had recently told me she had cancer, (she said this numerous times) then I get a call that she is in the hospital on an emergency, of course I'm freakin' out because I think something has gone terribly wrong.
My mum had liver failure, and nearly died that day, she said in the hospital for 3 weeks, I called EVERYday to leave her a message, apperantly she didn't get them, whether or not she did, well that's a whole other story.
She came out of hospital like a stick, she couldn't walk.
I went to see her, obviously, and she looked terrible. 20 years of drinking had a real strain on her, like it would do anyone.
She got better after months, and looked better, put on weight, and we talked about everything. She was told in the hospital that if she ever did drink again she would die, we were also told that if she were to make it through, there could be brain damage.

Now I really thought that she was goona get better, I thought she ACTUALLY realised she couldn't drink again, that this time she would get it through her head that the world wouldn't be there for her when she woke up if she drunk again, True, I should learn better that she lies a lot, just to make you think that, but you never know right?
But no, she has to be selfish,she has to go drink again, and risk all she has, but maybe.. she think's she has nothing left?
Now, to end this little rant.
She isn't doing too good now, she is drinking, and she does have brain damage.
I wrote all this out because I think ALL of this when I think about her, I can't seem to help her, or she just doesn't want it.
I'm really scared to go see her next time, because I just feel she's slipping away, because she won't listen to anyone.
I thought I was the one person that could get through to her.
But, apperantly not.

Thanks all for reading this.
 

The Xephon

Banned - What an Asshat!
31
0
0
#3
wow, you must be a pretty strong person to be able to cope with that. Best of luck with your life.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
4,126
0
0
#4
whatever i say will seem trite, no level of my understanding or compassion even comes close to being actually involved.
all i want to say is that if you think you have done the right things, and i get the impression you have, then you have done the right things. other people are out of our control, no matter what we might think, and that hurts when we are so closely attached to them.
the best advice i ever had during personal tragedies was to look after myself, not in a cold, callous, selfish way.. but if i look after myself, don't get dragged down by it then i am strong enough to help others when they come for it, i can be of a lot more worth than if i get damaged too..
i only meant to write a few words..

look after yourself.
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
9,302
744
387
#5
Asking an alcoholic to stop drinking is like asking you to stop breathing. You can't ask an alcoholic to stop. Nine out of ten times, it wont happen. Two and a half years ago, I put my Mother-in-law into the ground because of alcoholism. She knew she was dying. The Doctors told her she would. Her family begged her to stop. Until the very end, alcohol was with her every step of the way....to the grave.

You see, you can't ask an alcoholic to stop drinking. They have to want it for themselves. Alcoholism is a disease, and should be treated as such. I realize that this post probably wont help your situation much. But a little insight is better than none at all. We should all hope that your family can find the answer before it's too late.
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
7,529
28
142
#6
Meh,

To kind of reiterate what Void and Geht have both said, there's nothing you can do to help her if she doesn't want the help. You've done the right things. You may always wonder if there was more... but the truth is, it's her life. If the other people in it couldn't help her you couldn't help her either.

I'm really sorry Meh. I am. I watched a very close and very dear friend of mine battle alcoholsim. I had to walk away from her. I felt like a complete failure. I know now that I had to walk away because there was nothing I could do for her and she was pulling me down with her.

Keep your head up. I wish there was something I could say that would make it all better or would somehow aleviate all the stress and pain.

The best you can do is to learn from her and try to not make her mistakes in your life.
 

meh_it_all

WTF.com Sexy Pimp-ette.
5,034
3
132
#7
Void: Thanks, I've been trying to look after myself, you're totally right about you can help someone better if you personally are in a better frame of mind.

Geht: I totally understand you can't just ask them to stop, and I didn't as such, I just tried to be there for her, and made her realise what she was doing for herself, the rest was for her. I always knew that I had to take on the role of being the one to try and guide her, ever since my dad and mum split. It is a diease, you're right, but It's hard to stand by watching.

Uber: It's all on her, I know that, she has to make the choice, and I can't make that choice for her, I wish I could but I can't. It's hard to walk away cos she's my mum and all, even though I kinda did when I lived with my dad, and I'm grateful for that, because what hell it would be if I lived with my mum, that's for sure.


Thanks for reading, I thought it was too long, and no-one was goona read it. :happysad:
 
4,149
1
0
#8
*e-hugs Meh* I'm sorry this is happening to you. I wish there was some advice I could give, but everything that could be said has been said. You're doing pretty well on your own, it seems. Best of luck to you.
 

BklynCannonball

pffffffffffttttttttttt...
3,452
0
0
#9
My uncle had to go to the Dr. 'cause of liver failure from drinking too much. He was hardcore. I don't think I've ever seen him sober. But, he always looked drunk anyway so who knows.

They told him to quit his drinking and quit smoking. Apparently he hasn't had a drop since. Hasn't stopped smoking though.
 

crunkitup

*sarcastic look*
15
0
0
#10
Wow. I'm so, soo sorry. I'm giving you an e-hug because that's rough. The closest I've come to anything like that was when my mom had cancer. So I know it sucks worrying about someone and feeling like you can't help. I know it's bad, and it's awful that she can't/won't stop, but you just have to be there for her. And just like Void said, take care of yourself. Good luck, and I hope things start going better.
 

Piro

From appaled to applauding, controversy.
1,488
11
102
#11
My neighbors have come off very badly; Bill had asbestosis in his lungs and liver disease (drink related). His wife was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and a few other terminal diseases I can't even pronounce, a few years back before Bill was aware of his own problems. She should have died years ago, but his endless love has kept her going so long. He is probably the most enjoyable character I've ever come across, always laughing and joking because he doesn’t give a damn anymore. His only goal in life, he said to me, was to outlast his wife and then drink himself to death. We all die one day and he wants to die with a bottle of scotch in his hand. Fair play.

I know exactly how you feel about not being able to help...or realizing no matter how hard I wanted to believe I could help, it still came crashing down when it turned out I couldn’t prevent a thing. I tried to stop my father from going suicidal; I thought I managed it after four years of trying. But in the end he wanted to go, he’d had enough and left. I felt so guilty; I had failed. But as void said, "all I want to say is that if you think you have done the right things, and I get the impression you have, then you have done the right things." Words of wisdom, you tried your best, and that is enough. The rest of it is up to the individual –no one else.

I very sorry to hear your story, I can only wish your life takes a turn for the better. It will, if you put your mind to it ;)
 

gurlgonewild

Was machen Sie?
1,086
0
0
#12
meh-

you should not be going through this by yourself. i'd advice you to seek professional help where you may learn how to best cope in these hard times.

(((((((not to learn how to stop her from doing what she will, or how to save her from herself, or whatever.)))))))

for you, for your sanity, peace of mind, and mostly to have someone to talk to on a regular basis about it that is objective. there are support groups too.

i have found it is much easier to set the example rather than force or attempt to force your wishes upon someone else. it's like this, if you think about it meh you are at a greater risk of ruining your life (alcoholism in your family history is strong and therefore puts you at greater risk). it would be wise for you to take the "me first" stance considering you 1. have at best control over only yourself, and are helpless otherwise 2. are younger thus have much more promise than she in overcoming this disease 3. you are aware of the problem, this enables you to take offensive steps now.

in the meantime, the reason why people tell you to worry about yourself is b/c somewhere along your journey (while you're seeking help/betterment for yourself) you will find the solice and answers you desperately are looking for in dealing with your current situation. learning is a life long process, the things we equip or arm ourselves with today are there to help us tomorrow. don't get a late start, start becoming a better you immediately.

i, like everyone else have great empathy and hope for you. there is no doubt you will get through this, but remember it is not a question of if but how. you have many emotions and issues to deal with- wouldn't it be nice to dump them off your shoulders and stand up straight for once?

GL
 

Stardust

Being naked just feels so a-peeling
6,696
2,615
287
#13
I can't really say anything clever, mostly because it has already been said..and I'm tired..but I can't also say that I know how you feel but I can't..but I can relate to pain that strangles your heart...you are a strong peson meh :hug2:
 

meh_it_all

WTF.com Sexy Pimp-ette.
5,034
3
132
#14
I appericate all your replies, BTW guys. Thanks a lot.

GGW - There is only me in this, and me alone, her family tried hard after she had the death scare, but they say the same thing to me "You have to look after your mum". I don't mind that, I know I would have to, I knew there would be a big thing ahead of me, But, I think you're right, about I do need someone to talk to, I've thought about it, because I had to grow up fast, and take on responsiblities that had been given to me, I never took the time to talk about it, I never really talked about my past with anyone, I put my emotions away and tried to help her, because that's all I could do, and what I needed to do, apperantly.
Which I take in stride, because that's what I do, I try and help people. :)
 

JLXC

WTF's Official Conspiracy Fanatic
Premium
7,550
264
302
#15
Good luck meh. It's hard to love someone and want to help them, but knowing only they can help themselves and you can't seem to reach them. I know.