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"A mans game"

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#1
This is a mans game and yet here I stand, still a boy.
Explosions to the right of me, gunfire to my left.
I live in a mans' world where life is worse than death.
Surrounded by the fallen, faces so firmiliar.



Yea I kno it needs some modifying there for its work in progress. But ne ways gimmes some input.
 

conman03

B.C. itchen
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#2
Rebel89 said:
This is a mans game and yet here I stand, still a boy.
Explosions to the right of me, gunfire to my left.
I live in a mans' world where life is worse than death.
Surrounded by the fallen, faces so firmiliar.



Yea I kno it needs some modifying there for its work in progress. But ne ways gimmes some input.
People i once Idolized
thier fate is finalized
their blood spilled in the sand
this is what makes a man a man
 

DIZNUTS

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#3
conman03 said:
People i once Idolized
thier fate is finalized
their blood spilled in the sand
this is what makes a man a man
he asked for input not a poem :thumbsdn:
 
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#4
The form could use some work. The wording was ok, up until the last line. Just keep working at it. It'll get better.

I like the effort in content, though. :thumbsup: for that!