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A tomb of my last ten years.

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
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#1
Today, at 8:40 AM, EST, I have performed a feat very few mortals have accomplished.

I have beaten the hit game, Descent, created by the masters at Parallax Software. 1995...What an amazing year.

I can now, absolutely say, it's the greatest game of all time. It's more than three times as good as Doom. Duke3D pales in comparison. At the later levels, it's twice as intense as Call of Duty.

I did not beat the Level 7 boss until the very end of fifth grade - the very start of first grade my family purchased a Dell Dimension P75t. With it, the technician loaded on a pirated copy of Descent saying, "I have a game I think your kids will enjoy."

Damn fucking straight. I wish I knew where this man was now, because I'd love to crack his ship open.

My adrenaline levels soared so high today that I was nearly falling asleep. It's about 80 degrees, and the loss of water didn't help either.

When I first recieved the game, I learned the controls in a day. I ckicked ass. By two months later I was at Level 7 with 13 lives.

But there was a problem.



This motherfucking robot. With dual Smart Missle launchers, one not even need to get hit - the homing Plasma gobules would do the rest.

I watched my shield plummet from 200 to zero in seconds. My Pyro GX assualt craft fucking split apart in a fiery hailstorm, killing four hostages onboard, and leaving all my weapons in "the shit."

In 1998, I went legit when I was able to pick of a copy of Descent: The Definitive Collection at my local CompUSA. Descent, Descent: Levels of the World (150+ made awesome user levels, w00t!), Descent II, Descent II: Vertigo Missions, and Descent: Mission Builder II came packaged in box.

I reinstalled Descent, and looked up the cheat codes. I typed in "GABBAGABBAHEY" and the text "Cheats Enabled!" flashed onto my hud, along with a sexy female voice echoing "Cheater!" throughout the mine. My score was reset to zero. Oh, well. I had fun.

In 1999, I recieved my first PC I could do things with (My old one was a Dell 386/16MHz-SX). OOoh....A Compaq Prolinea 4/33. Upgraded from the already upgraded 486SX-50 to a nice, "new" 486DX2-66 by the friendly guys at Computer Renaissance. They also thre in a CD-ROM drive and a sound card - minus the drive. No drivers, so it didn't work. The card, however, was a beauty. As rare as a Siberian Tiger, it was a great beast for it's day. The Aztech Labs Sound Galaxy 16 - the pinnacle of SB16 compatible cards. More like SB16 superior. With a BETTER Yamaha OPL3 FM Synth, a Crystal CS4231 audio chip, and a smaller design, it not only sounded twice as deep and rich as an official SB16 card - it also used less CPU cycles.

All of this translated into solid 60fps gameplay.

By the end of the year, I beat the Level 7 boss. I went screaming through the house, "YESSS! YEEEAH! WOOHOO!" so loud I lost my voice for a day.

I eventually got an old IBM Aptiva, and played till Level 22 then quit, because I didn't have the skills, and the Maxtor SHitDrive corrupted itself.

However - today was amazing.

I was on my last life. There were no more invulerability powerups left in the level. My cloak was wearing off, and I unloaded my last two concussion missles into the final boss, along with a few quad lasers. I saw the sparkles on my shield indicator flash. Shit. I'm dead, I thought. With two miniboss robots closing in behind me, I thought I was done. My shield was at 102, but two of their fusion cannon hits could kill me. Then something caught my eye.

The numbers "10,000" flashed beneath my score. Punctuated by the boss robot screaming in pain. "AUUUUURRRAAAAAGGGHHHHH!" *KRAK-BOOOOOOM!*

I hear a sexy voice say, "Self Desturct Sequence Activated."

The alarm wails behind me. I'm only a few feet from the exit. I make a run for it, without taking a single hit. I see the tunnel exploding in front of me. My ship barrels out of the exit tunnel faster than a Ferrari. The familar end cutscene comes on cue.

After reading the subtitles again, I scored first place. I entered my full name in the text about my score, and that it took me ten years to beat it. So future generations of students could attempt to beat me, or just witness my greatness.

THis time, I did not yell, I saw this victory coming. Please, play this game if you have not yet. You are missing out on the greatest experience possible.
 

bnccoder

Postaholic
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#2
Good job. I'm glad you finally didi it.
 

dookie

OMGWTFBBQ!!1!
724
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#4
huzzah!

you won the game and got the power up!
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
3,158
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#5
good job..but if only you spend those 10 years chasing girls...you woulda been the next hefner :happysad:
 

polaris_nine

Banned - What an Asshat!
1,457
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#7
10 years?

But, hey, congrats.

Obsessed, maybe?
 
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#9
Wow, you had a computer when you were 6? WTF?!

uh...good...job?
 
#10
Descent seriously needs friends. It's this fucking video game shit that causes a lack for respect for him. I'm sure two people will honestly give fuck, Descent.
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,979
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#13
Descent needs a hooker fund...
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
9,282
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#15
Again....this is Chit-Chat. Keep the flames in B&T.
If I have to spank you goobers, I'll start passing out 24 hour bans to those pretending this rule is not in effect.



Carry on.
 

MaxPower

You're my number two
Staff
16,850
3,349
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#16
First, let me offer my congrats. We all knew you could do it. :thumbsup:

Descent said:
Today, at 8:40 AM, EST, I have performed a feat very few mortals have accomplished...................................<insert bragging and descriptive writing>.................................................................The alarm wails behind me. I'm only a few feet from the exit. I make a run for it, without taking a single hit. I see the tunnel exploding in front of me. My ship barrels out of the exit tunnel faster than a Ferrari. The familar end cutscene comes on cue.
Ummm....that's a space Ferrari you're referring to right? I would hope your ship would be moving faster than a regular terrestrial, wheeled, gas powered, Ferrari.
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
9,282
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#17
Now, now Max. Tis only a game. No need to geht all flusterfuct.

Damn fucking straight. I wish I knew where this man was now, because I'd love to crack his ship open.
I do refuse to beLIEve you hadn't anything colorful to add to this quote.
 

dzaykim

Toss my salad
123
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#19
Hahah, the only thing left to do now would be to kill yourself.
Your life's goal has been accomplished, and now you can make yourself useful.
Go jump off a plane naked and body slam Bush to death!

I'll rep you.

I promise.
 

meh_it_all

WTF.com Sexy Pimp-ette.
5,034
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#20
gehtfuct said:
Now, now Max. Tis only a game. No need to geht all flusterfuct.


I do refuse to beLIEve you hadn't anything colorful to add to this quote.
I wondered that too Geht, I really did. :(