WTF ... IS WTF!?
We are a collective of people who believe in freedom of speech, the rights of individuals, and free pancakes! We share our lives, struggles, frustrations, successes, joys, and prescribe to our own special brand of humor and insanity. If you are looking for a great place to hang out, make new friends, find new nemeses, and just be yourself, WTF.com is your new home.

Accept Jesus Christ as Your Lord and Savior and Get a Free PlayStation 2!

Status
Not open for further replies.

Jung

???
Premium
13,998
2,267
487
#1
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0104/ps2.html

Hey kids! If your Mom and Dad didn't buy you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, you can still get one FOR FREE! Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ? Well, He's heard of you! And He wants you to have all the cool toys your parents are too cheap to buy! In fact, the Lord Jesus is very upset with your parents that they didn't give you all the latest stuff that every kid in America deserves! And Jesus has got your back, because He is your homeboy! If you've never heard of Jesus, He is an invisible cloud-dwelling deity (infinite lives!) who loves you very much and wants nothing more than to give you a free PlayStation 2!

We here at Landover Baptist Church work full-time as servants of Jesus Christ, and He's told us about you and your predicament. He's also given us special instructions on how He wants us to deliver a new PlayStation 2 to your house. It's as easy as 1-2-3! Understand, Jesus cares WAY more about you than your parents EVER will! They will never love you as much as Jesus loves you! Always remember that. If you hate your parents because they didn't get you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, He completely understands! He is totally down with that! In fact, lucky for you, in order to follow Him, you are actually required to hate your parents!

"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother...he cannot be my disciple." - The Lord Jesus Christ (Luke 14:26)

Pretty cool, huh? So, if you hate your parents, you are already halfway to becoming a True Christian™! Congratulations!

Here is what you need to do to get your free Play Station 2:

1. Tell Jesus that you hate your parents, and that you'd rather have Him for your Daddy. Ask Him to forgive your sins, and cover you with His blood (you'll see plenty of that splattered across your TV when you play your complimentary Grand Theft Auto 3 game!).

2. Find one of your Mom or Dad's credit cards (a blank check is even better!)

3. Call our church office and we will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents' credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry if you can't find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your daddy's checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free shipping and an extra game disk!)

Please note: If your parents ask you where you got your new PlayStation 2, just tell them that your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, delivered it to you via the U.S. Postal Service in exchange for your soul.

Still NOT SURE? Here's More:

Landover Baptist's PlayStation 2 comes with a complimentary modified version of the popular disk, Tony Hawk's Underground. You can upload Jesus' face into the game and automatically unlock all of the cheat codes to "God Mode," so that Jesus can win every single level and perform incredible grab-tricks, spins, flips and stunts!



s a new Christian, you will want to share the good news of Jesus Christ with as many of your "peeps in the hood" as you can. The great thing about Tony Hawk's Underground is that you can actually get off of your skateboard and walk around in the game and talk to other skaters about the Plan of Salvation! And if they don't accept Jesus as their Personal Savior, you can kill them later. How cool is that!?

In addition, if you are interested in Christian computer games, Landover Baptist children use Bible-based-maps and characters in Unreal Tournament as part of their Christian Soldier training to help Jesus slaughter sinners in the final battle of Armageddon (which God willing, will happen during President George W. Bush's second term). Remember to tell your parents to vote for GW in 2004, so that you can meet Jesus real soon and thank Him personally for all the cool stuff He is going to be sending you through this and other super-cool Landover Baptist Kids promotions this year!

Jesus christ, this is hilarious.(stupid pun, blah, blah.)

This is some high quality internet!! :thumbsup:
 

betrayed

Banned - What an Asshat!
1,782
1
0
#3
That brightened my day... A little..
 
198
0
0
#4
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That's some good shit JG:thumbsup::thumbsup:

You gotta be kidding :lol:
 

Darkmage

Shiva-Destroyer of Worlds
120
0
0
#5
Dude, it just shows how god damn sad the christian faith is anymore....I'm so happy I renounced that religion when I did. Too much stupid shit.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
191
0
#6
I really hate it when people pick and choose verses out of the bible to further thier own needs. i would say more, but this is just annoying. and stupid. and completely out of context.
 

Darkmage

Shiva-Destroyer of Worlds
120
0
0
#7
I wouldn't say it's out of context...and I know exactly what you mean...(my 100th post, woohoo)
 
198
0
0
#8
Christ's sakes . I hope I didn't give you the impression I was a non believer .:redface:
 

shep

Local alcoholic
1,853
41
38
#9
hey i got an ider ... How bout a wtf bible room? :D :mfinger:
 

shep

Local alcoholic
1,853
41
38
#11
Grumpy Old Man said:
Doubt it would fly
yeah ,your right dad.But hey ya never know.here's hoping :p
 

Darkmage

Shiva-Destroyer of Worlds
120
0
0
#12
Grumpy Old Man said:
Doubt it would fly
I'm sure that's what someone said about Judism or Christianity

roman#1 said:
What do you think about making a religion about that guy that was crucified the other day?
roman#2 said:
Doubt it would fly
Of course I'm sure there was something lost in translation, but you get what I mean
 
#13
Oh My God You Have It Sssoooooooo Wrong!!!!

I am pretty disgusted with your lack of knowledge and sheer hypocrisy. What that (modified in your case) verse is saying is you should hate how you used to live before coming to know Jesus. If you really are a church, I would try to do everything possible to shut it down. You are idolising - making a God to suit you and not the God of the Bible. You are teaching children how to steal, making illigal modifications to software people worked hard to make money for, and most of all if none of this is true you are lying through your teeth. Stop conforming to the ways of this world and TURN TO GOD FOR HELP!!! You can never be too far to come back, so confess it to him, and come back home, back to the loving arms of JESUS. And don't forget - he is the reason we have Christmas. There would be no CHRISTmas without CHRIST. For people who have lost faith - come back to him - YOU KNOW THAT YOU NEED HIM. EVERYBODY Consider this, and count the cost. No matter your losses you gotta fight for the cause and it's hard, living in a life full of flaws and laws BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND CLAIM WHAT'S YOURS!!! If you want to turn back to him, because you need to turn to the bible.
 

</rant>

Tenderony
528
0
0
#14
*NO FLAMING* Also as long as he is posting in my areas. His beliefs will be respected, just as someone who does not believe in god. This is a WARNING to you </rant> Take it to bait and tackle.

~Kit
 

outsideR

Clitpickle
57
0
0
#15
Hey kid, I'm okay with religious people. As long as they keep their jesus this, jesus that blablabla to themselves that is. Isn't it everyone's own choice if they believe or not? People can live happy lives without jesus around in every f*cking thing they do! Doesn't an 18-year old kid have anything better to do?
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
191
0
#17
While I see your attempt, and I appreciate your beliefs, your approach needs work.

The problem with this argument is that it teaches people to love God bacause he will make it all better.

That is not true.

One makes the spirtual choice to have a relationship with God and Jesus for the connection to something greater than themselves, to feel part of the glory of life in the holy spirit.

See, i dont like this fire and brimstone kind of approach. I think it is horrid to tell people that if they do not worship your version of god, then they will remain confused and broken or go to eternal hell, none of which I believe. I do think that for you to post this on here, than either you are 1. full of shit. or 2. guided to do so.
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,998
2,267
487
#18
scarface694life said:
I am pretty disgusted with your lack of knowledge and sheer hypocrisy. What that (modified in your case) verse is saying is you should hate how you used to live before coming to know Jesus. If you really are a church, I would try to do everything possible to shut it down. You are idolising - making a God to suit you and not the God of the Bible. You are teaching children how to steal, making illigal modifications to software people worked hard to make money for, and most of all if none of this is true you are lying through your teeth. Stop conforming to the ways of this world and TURN TO GOD FOR HELP!!! You can never be too far to come back, so confess it to him, and come back home, back to the loving arms of JESUS. And don't forget - he is the reason we have Christmas. There would be no CHRISTmas without CHRIST. For people who have lost faith - come back to him - YOU KNOW THAT YOU NEED HIM. EVERYBODY Consider this, and count the cost. No matter your losses you gotta fight for the cause and it's hard, living in a life full of flaws and laws BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND CLAIM WHAT'S YOURS!!! If you want to turn back to him, because you need to turn to the bible.
It was a joke, jesus did you miss that?

Also, your points are very week, you're just repeating rhetoric you've been taught at sunday school. Offer some proof, more than he said, she said; then maybe I'll acknowledge some validity to your points.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
191
0
#19
junglizm said:
It was a joke, jesus did you miss that?

Also, your points are very week, you're just repeating rhetoric you've been taught at sunday school. Offer some proof, more than he said, she said; then maybe I'll acknowledge some validity to your points.
Kind of what I said, but I was nicer about it, and since I already am a believer.....

one of these days junglism, you and I will just have to get into it on the whole thing.
;)
 

BRiT

CRaZY
Founder
11,828
7,997
487
#20
dustinzgirl said:
one of these days junglism, you and I will just have to get into it on the whole thing.
;)
I think that's how some pornos start out...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.