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Afternoon Humor

magnolia

Postaholic
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#1
I got this in an e-mail and decided to share. I think it's cute.

Just a little afternoon humor!

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how
you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the
hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are
important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers
that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him
down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to he
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I
figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."

Of course. . . I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! :)


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!

BEAST
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was
losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in
me."
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"

I HOPE NO ONE WAS OFFENDED BUT I JUST HAD TO PASS THESE ALONG.
Live well, Love much, Laugh often