WTF ... IS WTF!?
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Ahh! A busy bee caught in a storm.

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#1
I really shouldn't be posting this because he reads things i post but I feel a breakdown coming on so my logical thiking isn't avalible right now.
Ok so baisically..im involved in alot of things at school. Leadership, Band, Yearkbook, I wrote and am directing a play at my school and after school I manage our schools one and only football team. To add to this I also have grade 11 (university) Biology, math and grade 11 video and travel and tourism. I also hae a boyfriend. I am finiding it very difficul to fit everyhing into my life. Now of course above all I want to be with him, but I need to think about everything else. I alread commited to football and the other two managers hardly show up, but he can't really hang out after school to much any way, but he said he can till 4:30pm so i guess hat counts for something but football is almost over so I thinki it would be faily rude to just quick when the season is almost over. I offerd him a part in the play but he said he couldnt, leadership and year book take two out of 5 lunches but if i need to go to math help on thursday i should strat going because I'm really behind in amth and i ca't afford to get below a 70 in that class. Today was hecktic bu managed to be a good day. He keeps droppig huge hints that he wants me to quit something that I'm involved in, because well this is his last year at the school (hes in grade12) and I could do it all next year, but I'm already too far in the play and leaderhip is all about building your way up and I've come a long way and even got selcted to go to inter school camp whihis a big thing, and if i quit yearbook then the teacher i charge of yearbook might not let me on next year because i quit this year...so i don';t know wat to do. My boyfriend keeps getting like mad at me for being so busy but its weid..cuz i can't detect sarcasm and the annolygies he makes and when hes being biter or just making a joke...I try to talk to him but it seems to go in circles...I love him but why can't he accept my life style? I hang out with him as much as i can plus friday and saturday on the weekend. What do i do??:confused:
 

Tostig

Paradoxasaur
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#2
Sorry, but if he was any kind of a real man he'd know how important all this was to you, and that would make it important to him. He'd appreciate the time you can spend with him, and realize if you're busy with all the other stuff, you won't be going out with anyone else (not that you would, but it's something that should reassure him). He's going to be gone next year, from the school anyway, and he should realize that just because it's what he wants, it may not necessarily be the best thing.

Anyone truly in love is willing to make whatever sacrifices necessary to insure the happiness of the one they love, even if it means never being with the person or allowing them to be happy with someone else. I'm not saying you're going to fall for someone else, but if you did and he truly loved you, he'd be happy for you even if it saddens him.

Possessiveness is the worst thing for a relationship. Once you start feeling you need to control the other person and their activities, you start getting frustrated and angry. Anger leads to the dark side (sorry, geek part of me slipped out).

The point is, explain to him how important all of this is for you and your future and as him to be patient. You're both very young yet, and if it's going to last, you'll both need to be well rounded individuals capable of being apart without falling apart, if you get my meaning. Just be up front, but that doesn't need to be confrontational. Explain how you feel, and why these things are important to you, and ask him to understand. If he can't understand, hopefully he can at least accept it.
 
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#3
I totally agree with everything Tosting said... "Possessiveness is the worst thing for a relationship" (okay, maybe not THE WORST, but close ;) )

I think everybody has to be willing to give a little. I totally know how hard school can be (Your day sounds allot like mine! - im in grade 11 too...). Isn't there one project/club you don't care too much about? Could you talk to your teachers about the work load you're experiencing, they'd understand right (expecially is its affecting your grades!)?

As far as your boyfriend goes, you can't blame him for wanting to spend time with you. But, making you feel bad the way he is isn't going to help anything. Have you told him how you feel? Maybe you can plan time to spend with him (after school, whatever) - time that you know you won't back out on. Like Tosting said, if he's a good guy, he'll do anything to make you happy... :p
 
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#4
But isn't it selfish for me to want to do everything? The only thing I can get ot of really is yearbook, but then im sure i wont be able to do it next year, even though i really wnated to get involved in it. but then thats only one lunch time freed. I talked to him on he phone and broke out into tears. He was explaining how i dont have enough time for ihm, and he doesnt see how its going to wrok and doesnr think things will get better, but he says he still loves me. I want this to work so baddly it hurts, i hate being emotional but right now i cant hlep it. Sometimes i just want to drop everything and start over but i clearly cant do that. I wish he could understand a bit more.
 

Tostig

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#5
I'll tell you this now. When I was in high school, 10th grade to be exact, I got involved in a lot of extracurricular activities (the forensic team was my favorite). But I wanted to spend time with my friends so I dropped a lot of them. Come time to apply to college, it was severely looked down upon. Doing a lot of these kinds of things can get you pretty far, especially when applying to prestigious colleges and applying to work. It shows dedication, willingness to be a part of something, and all that. It makes it a lot easier to do if it's something you wish to be a part of.

Wanting to do all these things isn't selfish. It's self-promoting. Doing all these things will make things better for you in the long run. Just because immediate gratification is out of his view, doesn't mean "it won't work", it just means it's going to take some effort and sacrifice, on both your parts.

Saying "i don't see how this is going to work" is emotional blackmail. I use that phrase a lot, because that kind of tactic is used a lot. Instead, he should be saying "I'll do my best to make this work because I love you."

I wish I'd known then what I know now, i'd have stuck with the programs i'd joined and my friends, if they were true friends, would've understood, maybe even joined me.

It's hard to remain true to your convictions, especially when something as turbulent as love is involved, but I have faith in you to take care of yourself and do what you need to do, and it seems as though you have a good support network at your disposal (at least from what I've seen here on WTF). Make use of it.
 

Hater808

The hate still Shapes me
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#6
Don't rush into anything if it is going to last you have the next 70 years to hangout with him. Live your life, if he can't be apart of it then he is not a part of your life.

Edit one more thing you can't make others happy unless you're happy and know how to make you're self happy. Just think of the resentment your going to have for him b/c he pulled you away from your life. Your doing the right thing now, if he can't handle it thats his problem.
 
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#7
Hater808 said:
Don't rush into anything if it is going to last you have the next 70 years to hangout with him. Live your life, if he can't be apart of it then he is not a part of your life.

Edit one more thing you can't make others happy unless you're happy and know how to make you're self happy. Just think of the resentment your going to have for him b/c he pulled you away from your life. Your doing the right thing now, if he can't handle it thats his problem.
sounds good in therory but who knows where i will be in the next 70 years, hes here now and and..ko it sounds sad but i need him*blushes* He makes me happy (98% of the time) and he is there for me and allows me to be me..excluding this delema.....damn.:thumbsdn:
 

CopyLifted

Funnier than a 5th grader
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#8
la_dee_dah said:
sounds good in therory but who knows where i will be in the next 70 years, hes here now and and..ko it sounds sad but i need him*blushes* He makes me happy (98% of the time) and he is there for me and allows me to be me..excluding this delema.....damn.:thumbsdn:
Nobody can force you to do anything, but there is some really damn good advice here. I don't think I can add anything to it.

All I'm going to say is think about your future.
 

Tostig

Paradoxasaur
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#9
I know it feels like you need him, but honestly you don't. If you're not a complete person by yourself, someone else isn't going to make you one. I think that's why my wife and I have been together for almost 10 years. We do a lot together, but we do at least as much seperately. Being comfortable with yourself goes a long way to keeping you happy, and when you're happy you can be happy with anything (almost, a kick in the groin still makes me sad).
 

Hatter

tea anyone?
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#10
If he doesn't understand, cut him loose. Nothing is worth the degradation and loss of your happiness. So you have a life, just because he doesn't have one or is being selfish or needy for certain reasons doesn't mean you should stick up for him. And he reads everything you write - he's not in love anymore, he's probably completely obsessive and nuts.

Whatever emo "problems" he may have in his life doesnt excuse the fact that you or others dont have BIGGER problems. does HE have tests? He probably skips school. Probably a dropout

None of that "oooh im bored, wah wah nothing to do at home, my life sucks" bullshit.

take it straight, raw. a shot of freedom.
 
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#11
Alright, I agree with the first people that possessiveness is horrible etc etc.. but the truth of the matter is that you have to make time for him. That's not to say that you need to spend hours upon hours a day with him, but there's little point to having a relationship if you don't hang out with each other.. just keep that in mind.
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#12
la_dee_dah said:
But isn't it selfish for me to want to do everything?
No! It is selfish of him to try to manipulate and guilt-trip you! You are in highschool, you're supposed to be doing things for yourself, not for a boyfriend.
 
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#13
Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. In the end me and the "boy", after much drama and tears worked through it. Today was our fifth month mark and I am glad to report things are running a bit more smoothly now. Unfortionetly I'm leaving for the weekend tomorrow but we shall get threw hat too. Once again thank you. (Star)