"All things for a price"


Angel of Death
I got to thinking about that quote last night at 5am. I always thought I understood always felt so connected to it. So I was writing a letter to the maker of the words. Then it hit me. It's a funny price I paid to be all alone. I gave up my innocents, my last name and my love. I handed over my soul so foolishly I fell. When you fall just DIVE.... you might as well hit the bottom faster and see where you end up.

As I was diving all my dreams fell from my pocket. I watched them with hungry eyes and tried to grab them with greedy fingers. it was all the tings I seen when i was but a child and all the things I felt disapearing from me. Everything was just so dull, it hurt deep inside but never really cut. A blade of realization; you have end up no where, you have no where left to go.

While collecting the bigger pieces of everything I dreamt I tried to piece them all together and all I seen where cracks...a tiny maze of life telling me to follow with this haunting illusionist knife.

So I walked amongst the shards. They sliced at my feet and I think I tripped once or twice and staggered back up.Then I saw a bright light and thought I had died. Then I saw a dim light and I thought I gone to hell and a numb feeling I knew this was the end.... with no real beginning to remember.

Then I heard a cool calm voice. It was the one I had almost forgotten. He said "Honey, my sweet little snow bunny." And I felt it creep like a tiny little smile... I knew I found my way to where I wanted to be.

He opened up his arms and I fell straight into them. I felt his warmth his strength all I did was cry. Its a funny price to pay...its a funny thing to do and wait but in the end I found my beginning.

500 and some odd days almost gone... I feel it coming closer, I feel this almost over. I may slip and fall once in awhile. I may dive to the bottom of the bottle here and there. I may get drunk on my sorrow, I may feel disconnected from it, but just once drop of his voice it brings me back to better days... 500 some days ago.