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Attempt at poetry?

Icarus

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
#1
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#1
The first date had been so perfect
The second, a fairy tale too
The third one seemed better
The fourth one the best
And it was the both of you

You took her to your room a virgin
You strummed on your friendly guitar
And you sang to her softly
Passionately
And she knew that you were a star

You opened the window
Her innocence flied
The night bore ecstasy
Short lived, though it was
You knew, and she
As the no-longer virgin cried

And the sun rose slowly
Too slowly for you
As you picked your pants from the floor
And your cheeks burnt red
Showing innocence too
As you showed her the door
 
_Kitana_

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
#2
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#2
NoSubstance said:
The first date had been so perfect
The second, a fairy tale too
The third one seemed better
The fourth one the best
And it was the both of you

You took her to your room a virgin
You strummed on your friendly guitar
And you sang to her softly
Passionately
And she knew that you were a star

You opened the window
Her innocence flied
The night bore ecstasy
Short lived, though it was
You knew, and she
As the no-longer virgin cried

And the sun rose slowly
Too slowly for you
As you picked your pants from the floor
And your cheeks burnt red
Showing innocence too
As you showed her the door
Click to expand...

hmmmmmmmmm


(not sure what to say)
 
dustinzgirl

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#4
i like it. it is sweet and sexy, but kind of sad with the whole innocence lost thing and showing her the door.
 
skylinec

skylinec

Somewhere in the Between
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#5
Damn Mental Pictures............Fuckin' Mind............
 
Icarus

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#6
Skyline-Cobra said:
Damn Mental Pictures............Fuckin' Mind............
Click to expand...
It's not about sex at all. It's about growing up, and losing your childhood innocence.
 
dustinzgirl

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#7
NoSubstance said:
It's not about sex at all. It's about growing up, and losing your childhood innocence.
Click to expand...
I miss my innocence...sigh.....oh, wait, i was never innocent
;)
 
skylinec

skylinec

Somewhere in the Between
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NoSubstance said:
It's not about sex at all. It's about growing up, and losing your childhood innocence.
Click to expand...
it says "As you picked your pants from the floor" i think its about something wrong
 
Icarus

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#9
Well duh, there's a reference to sex in it. That's completely obvious. But the poem is not about sex.
 
B

blah

Tenderony
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#11
So you creamed some virgin slut, sheesh. And youre a musician too, darn, her parents were really proud i bet! :)
 
Icarus

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
#12
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#12
It's not about sex, it's not about girls... it's about growing up.
 
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blah

Tenderony
#13
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#13
Please explain a bit more, cos unless I'm reading into this too much (though it seems obvious) it's all about sex in my eyes...
 
Icarus

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
#14
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#14
Alright.

NoSubstance said:
The first date had been so perfect
The second, a fairy tale too
The third one seemed better
The fourth one the best
And it was the both of you
Click to expand...
The dating represents teenage years... awkward in-betweens.

NoSubstance said:
You took her to your room a virgin
You strummed on your friendly guitar
And you sang to her softly
Passionately
And she knew that you were a star
Click to expand...
Taking her to your room, etc, is representative of growing up past teenage years, college. It's about knowing you're not young any more.

NoSubstance said:
You opened the window
Her innocence flied
The night bore ecstasy
Short lived, though it was
You knew, and she
As the no-longer virgin cried
Click to expand...
This is about the final passage into adulthood (whether by turning point, as in this poem, or gradual maturation). It's the end of childhood.

NoSubstance said:
And the sun rose slowly
Too slowly for you
As you picked your pants from the floor
And your cheeks burnt red
Showing innocence too
As you showed her the door
Click to expand...
This is about the long, long "rest of your life". It's about how, no matter what happens, some people never lose that last bit of innocence, of childhood.

Don't think of it as two people. Think of it like this: The man is adulthood, the woman is childhood. The man and the woman are flirting on their first few dates, and neither knows what's entirely going on (like most relationships, I think). The man then slowly entices the woman (think end of highschool years), until they have sex (the last hurrah of childhood, you might say). The man, then, having taken advantage of the woman and gotten what he wanted, shows her the door. The woman realizes this, and that's why "The no-longer virgin cried". However, as sex usually goes, the end result is different than what was the original: The man shows slight innocence (a part of her is now him), and the woman picks herself up and leaves (she's mature in that she stops crying and gets on with her life).

In the end, who seems more adult-like? Almost a tie-up.

On a completely unrelated note, I think it's a sure sign of a pompous poster when the analyzation is longer than the poem.
 
B

blah

Tenderony
#15
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#15
I like explanations. It's not like you are having to explain a joke. I often think of adding an explanation at the end of my poems. If something is unclear, feel free to ask me, I would rather have the meaning come across then to have you move on without knowing.
Thanks for the explanation, I get it much better now and apreciate it much more. Nice one!
 
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