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Jesus H. Christ (full name: Jesus Hancock Hanty Christ), better known as our 54th president, was born in the middle of the Middle East somewhere, and was raised on the side of the desert. Jesus H. spent a great deal of time on the streets, helping his homies in the hizzle find inner peace. Jesus H. returned to the desert for a short period of time, only to be murdered in public by his peeps and fellow Jews, holmes.
Also known as 'Hank', his campaign really got under way when he sent one of his minions to print up campaign buttons. Unfortunately, his minion had lisp, so "Hank the Lord" became "Thank the Lord", which turned out to be much more catchy.
Jesus H. Christ was sworn in as the 54th president of the United States on 13AJ (After Jesus.) He was a simple man and enjoyed building log cabins. He also could never tell the truth no matter how serious he was.
His many accomplishments are as follows:
* Eradicated worship of Anime
* Improved the quality of drugs
* Advocated mob-like mentality
* Required knife-fights in all 56 states
* Made himself God among men
* Manifested himself as an oddly shaped potato chip in a diner in Texas
* Liked to play guitar in his free time, especially then unknown Cream songs
* Ate 42.3 ducks on his birthday
* Gave Oprah her all mighty power over the women of the United States Of America
* Killed the lead singer of Nirvana
* "Made it" with Jessica Simpson
* Gave Nick Lachey an immense amount of crabs which caused his genitals to fall off
* Made the Ewoks god's of the universe
* Turned God into a tiny green man shape Known as Yoda