bar joke

[DIZNUTS]

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll
make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and place my
genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
He will then open his mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed. In
return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a
drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the
bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the
alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd
gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and
the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered
and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up
again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to
give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand
went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll
try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer
bottle".

 

[Darklight]

a duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "hey, got any grapes?" the bartender says "no I dont have any grapes". so the duck walks away and sits down in the corner... a few minutes later the duck comes back and asks "got any grapes?", the bartender says "no i don't have any grapes, damnit", so the duck goes back to the corner.. a few minutes later the duck comes back and asks again "got any grapes?", the bartender yells "no i dont have any fucking grapes and if you ask again I'll nail your flippers to the bar." so the duck goes to the corner. a few minutes later the duck comes back and asks "got any nails?" the bartender says "no i dont have any nails" so the duck asks "got any grapes?"......