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Before and After Marriage

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BEFORE - You take my breath away.
AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating.

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever
AFTER - Monday Night Football

BEFORE - Don't stop.
AFTER - Don't start.

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, Honey.

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - We agree on everything.
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom

BEFORE - Charming and Noble
AFTER - Chernobyl

BEFORE - Idol
AFTER - Idle

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
AFTER - I never said you were fat.

BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.
AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE - Time stood still.
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere.

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino
AFTER - Bagel and instant

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black.
AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing.

BEFORE - Oysters
AFTER - Fishsticks

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other.
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

BEFORE - Passion
AFTER - Ration

BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER - The end
 

JLXC

WTF's Official Conspiracy Fanatic
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Before - Let's make love all night!
After - I need to sleep all night!

Before - I like making you happy!
After - I'm tired of always making you happy!

Before - I don't mind if you go out with your friends!
After - Why do you always leave me alone!

Before - Let's try something new!
After - Let's just do it regular and get it over with already!

Before - You're my love!
After - I'd love it if you did something around here for a change!

Before - Let's cuddle and fall asleep together!
After - You're elbow is digging into me, and your breathing on my neck, and you need to go brush your teeth, your bristles are poking me, why don't you just let me go to sleep?