Blonde in a bar


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There's a blonde in a bar, huge tits, an ass to die for...all
round fuckin' babe. A group of guys across the bar see this fine
lookin' lady and decide they are going to see if the "head
hauncho" of the group can pick this chick up! So all the guys
put $20 in the pot and send off this sorry bastard toward the
blonde. He standing there, she smiles...he whispers a few sweet
nothings in her ear, she laughs...he takes her by the hand, and
she leaves with him. The guys can't believe it!

So the guy and gal end up goin' back to his place. The guy has
the largest fuckin' "chubb" on in the world...and before a fat
bitch could finish eating a ding-dong...they're fucking like

After about 2 minutes of barn yard banging, the guy jizzes all
over the bitch an decides he's had enough and tells the blonde
to roll over.

After about 3 minutes of layin' around the blonde turns towards
the guy and asks, "Do you have AIDS?" He says, "Fuck no!" And


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DIZNUTS' joke thread

ok 1st of all i want to say sorry for the lil joke spaming i did i guess....from now on i will post all my jokes here ;)

After the accident that occurred at West Street, a local chief
rushed into the casualty wing of the hospital. His most trusted
driver and his daughter had fallen victims. At the time of his
arrival he was very worried because he had not known how
seriously injured they both were. The accident had involved
their car being hit by the side of the road by a lorry (driven
by a drunkard).

Meeting a nurse at the entrance, the chief requested her to show
him where the two had been admitted. The nurse directed him
towards the male wing of the hospital where his driver was. As
the chief entered the room he came across the doctor-in-charge.
The doctor after being asked by the chief about the condition of
the driver comforted the old man (the chief) and informed him
that the only serious injury the driver had received was he had
lost his penis (of which they were unable to recover it at the
site of the accident). The old man looked sad on receiving the
news and was left in the room by the doctor.

Afterwards the old man rushed into the place where his daughter
was and again met the doctor-in-charge. He asked to know of the
condition of his daughter and the doctor explained to him that
she was not hurt at all, that in fact, he had two good-news for
him. After being informed the news is when the old man pounced
on the doctor and struck him with his walking stick. The
following is that part of the discussion that led to the violent
attack on the doctor:

THE CHIEF: How is my daughter, doctor?

DOCTOR: I've got two good-news for you, sir.

THE CHIEF: Which are?

DOCTOR: Your daughter received no injury at all, sir.

(At this point the chief was jumping in joy, hugging the doctor
then he stopped to ask.)

THE CHIEF: I thought you said two good-news, doctor, but that's
only one. What's the other?

DOCTOR: Oh, yes! How could I forget we found your driver's penis
and we are happy to tell you that he shall be taken to surgery
to get it re-attached.

THE CHIEF (Happily): Sure! Where was it?

THE DOCTOR: In your daughter's vagina, sir.


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A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message
to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her it will be $300
she exclaims, "I don't have any money. But I would do anything
to get a message to my mother in Poland."

To that the man asks, "Anything?" And the blonde says
"Yes...anything!" With that, the man says "Follow me." He walks
into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does!!

He then says, "Get on your knees." She does.

He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does.

He then says, "Go ahead... Take it out." With that, she takes it
out and takes hold of it with both hands.

The man then says, "Well. Go ahead!" She brings her mouth closer
to it, and while holding it close to her lips she says, "Hello?

brb guys im gonna go eat my cockies :munchies:


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A little boy wanted to know what a vagina looks like, so he
asked his father.

"Well," his father said, "before sex, a vagina is like a
beautiful pink flower with soft satiny petals and a wonderful

His father was silent for a moment, and the boy asked, "What
does it look like after sex?"

After thinking for a minute, his father said, "Well, have you
ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?"


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Priest: What is your sin child?
Little boy: I confess father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch...
Priest: Why?
Little boy: Father he touched me....
Priest: Like this????
(The priest then touches the boy...)
Little boy: Yes!!!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-bitch.
Little boy: Yes but then he stripped me naked...
Priest: Like this???
(The priest then rips the boy's clothes off.)
Little boy: Yes!!!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-bitch.
Little boy: Yes but then he had sex with me...
Priest: Like this???
(The priest then has wild sex with him.)
Little boy: Yes exactly like that!!!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-bitch.
Little boy: But father he had genitle herpees!!!
Priest: That son-of-a-bitch!!!!!