WTF ... IS WTF!?
We are a collective of people who believe in freedom of speech, the rights of individuals, and free pancakes! We share our lives, struggles, frustrations, successes, joys, and prescribe to our own special brand of humor and insanity. If you are looking for a great place to hang out, make new friends, find new nemeses, and just be yourself, WTF.com is your new home.

Broken: Stuck on the net, with a dead engine.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#1
It was a dark and stormy night. Descent was watching TV and lubing his new Airsoft rifle's virgin Chinese barrel when he heard his dream first car that he still doesn't own, a 1996 Volvo 850 Turbo Sedan, start up.

What the fuck?! Who the fuck is stealing my ride?!


Fucking impossible...He lives in TEXAAAAAAAAAA...
*FRAPSH!*

Descent awoke in a cold sweat...Thumbing the rifle he always slept next to, "his baby," a Double Eagle full scale G36 replica AEG BB gun, he was ripe for inflicting welts into the dark corners of the shadowy room. He knew something wasn't right. MrNewbie was trying to lick his asshole, but thirty bb's into his windpipe made his Swedish ass fucking suffocate in a coughing, bleeding, spurting choke of death.

Glancing over to his main computer, he saw underpants gnomes dancing in his open case with his girlfriends thong. "Funny, I didn't take any of her underpants as a souveneir," he thought.

EAT THIS MOTHERFUCKERS!
Chucking a lonely night sock at the gnomes, they ran off and quickly died of whooping cough.

Flipping on his monitor, he saw Broken in front of his Colonics and Computer Repair shop. With no working ride. The 850 Turbo was smoking. With hurricane Blaze Daily on the way, he jumped into the monitor but to no avail. The cable was out.



Okay, so how am I gonna get into...AH-HA! PRAISE THE LORDS OF SEGA! MY DREAMCAST!
Popping in the web browser disc and Sega keyboard, he tapped into www.gehtfuctloveschickswithdicks.com at all the speed of...well, dial up.

Twenty minutes later, after the web page loaded, hurricane Blaze Daily started talking sass in British gangsta and dropping marijuana leafs and bongs with stagnant water from the sky. The pitch black, swirling cloud sky that resembled a hot ebony asshole.

His storefront in the strip mall next to "The Tender Trap" was the only source of light - they all had streetlamps.

Broken, there you are! Get inside! Quickly! I have a bomb shelter made from Goatse's asshole insi...
I hate everybody's posts, joker...
Nobody hates them, they just messed up a little bit. Now Geht your ass to...
Black raindrops started to fall from the twisted, evil, black sky. They smelled faintly of phelgm but mainly of pot and feces.

Descent, I'm not coming.
What the FUCK, Broken?! Listen, I'm connected over a Sega Dreamcast with a free library ISP. This is as generic as dial-up gets motherfucker. We could both be disconnect and die at any moment! I fit an OC3 line in Goatse's ass, hurry man!
I will not. I'll die for my cause. The cause of good posts.
Suit yourself, don't come crying to me when I lose my Internets.
With that said, Descent calmloy walked into his storefront and locked the door. On his access gamepad, he pressed "UP, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, A+START." "THAT'S NO GOOD! Access granted."

Where a persian rug was on the floor, it melted away like a jizz crafted candle, and hairy arms and hands rose out of the floor, and literally ripped the floor "a new asshole."

Jumping in, Descent pressed the "RESET" button on Goatse's prostate, and he snappped his asshole shut. The last thing Descent heard was the "SHREEEW-BEEP!" WARNING noise of his Dreamcast's "YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED" message box.

Holy fuck, just in time. Now to wait it out with Kuntz...
 

Darklight

Oppressing your posts...
5,438
87
142
#2
wow... you know you can get a good blow from a hooker for like 50 bux right?
 

I Hate The FCC

Homo est Deus
3,559
2
0
#5
Descent said:
Somebody's gotta do it...With SCUM gone and all.
You must be mistaken, S.C.U.M. makes quality threads not this nonsense.
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#6
Darklight said:
wow... you know you can get a good blow from a hooker for like 50 bux right?
Okay motherfucker, listen up...This is how us OG's (Old Guys), posted in Bait and Tackle when your account was still a twinkle in Jason's eye. Normally you would add on to the story. Or comment.

Thanks for another generic flame asshat. Now do you see why Broken left? He can rip someone apart in one sentence. It takes you a lifetime.

That post is a bunch of OG running gags. Don't like it? I don't care. I didn't make it for you. I made it for the guys who have been crawling in What the Fuck's stanky vagina for nearly a year or more now.

FCC said:
You must be mistaken, S.C.U.M. makes quality threads not this nonsense.
At their best, SCUM pwns this thread. You still at least need to admit that the noobs haven't matched this yet.
 

I Hate The FCC

Homo est Deus
3,559
2
0
#7
Descent said:
Okay motherfucker, listen up...This is how us OG's (Old Guys), posted in Bait and Tackle when your account was still a twinkle in Jason's eye. Normally you would add on to the story. Or comment.

Thanks for another generic flame asshat. Now do you see why Broken left? He can rip someone apart in one sentence. It takes you a lifetime.

That post is a bunch of OG running gags. Don't like it? I don't care. I didn't make it for you. I made it for the guys who have been crawling in What the Fuck's stanky vagina for nearly a year or more now.



At their best, SCUM pwns this thread. You still at least need to admit that the noobs haven't matched this yet.
S.C.U.M. pwns all threads, especially when made by me. The Cuddles one? Classic, and all the other stories of Cuddles and such were nothing other than classics. Were they also the ravings of a mad man? Yes, but they still kicked ass.

If you're talking about older members I'm afraid they're all gone. :happysad:
 
32
8
72
#9
Descent said:
Descent was watching TV and lubing his new Airsoft rifle's virgin Chinese barrel when he heard his dream first car that he still doesn't own, a 1996 Volvo 850 Turbo Sedan, start up.
I dread to think what you were gonna do with it..
Descent said:
Thumbing the rifle he always slept next to
leave that poor gun alone.
Descent said:
he jumped into the monitor but to no avail.
Whoa, on an acid trip are we?
Descent said:
Broken, there you are! Get inside! Quickly! I have a bomb shelter made from Goatse's asshole insi...
Descent said:
I fit an OC3 line in Goatse's ass, hurry man!
Descent said:
Goatse's prostate
Bit obsessed with goatse arent we?
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
7,529
28
142
#10
Descent said:
Okay motherfucker, listen up...This is how us OG's (Old Guys), posted in Bait and Tackle when your account was still a twinkle in Jason's eye. Normally you would add on to the story. Or comment.
Ahhh you're so cute when you get your balls in a wad and start trying to remind us that you're cool because you've been here longer than anyone else.

In the old days my guess is that other people would post storries and they'd get added onto. I'd also venture to guess that in the old days when you posted festering stink piles like this people would post things like

Darklight said:
wow... you know you can get a good blow from a hooker for like 50 bux right?
Or maybe they'd post things like
Every single user ever said:
dude, shut the fuck up.
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#11
UberSkippy said:
Ahhh you're so cute when you get your balls in a wad and start trying to remind us that you're cool because you've been here longer than anyone else.

In the old days my guess is that other people would post storries and they'd get added onto. I'd also venture to guess that in the old days when you posted festering stink piles like this people would post things like
In all honesty dude, you're a much better flamer than the newbs but you're creativity sucks balls man.

Each one of your flames is just fucking generic-ass OEM bulk-packaged anger.

Now I'm not saying I'm the better flamer here, far from it. What I'm saying is ya maintain the same style and B&T just gets kinda lame like that.

I will give you the benefit of not phrasing "get a hooker" or "u suck cocks" in 30 different dialects of AOler but Christ man, vary it up.

I know you hate my guts but ya hate everyone elses as well. Who gives a rat's ass? Ya think ya own the place 'cause you're pissed off all the time. It's the fucking net, cool your jets. I ain't pissed as I'm writing this, but it would be nice if I could look forward to reading your posts in B&T.

I mean, fuck guys, I go in here, post something new and unique, and once again get railed by you fucking newbies. Not all newbies "suck," but you guys act like three year olds.

Darklight: Stop insisting I need to lose my virginity. I feel the same way. I treaure my penis so it will NEVER be in a skanks mouth. STD's scare me.

UberSkippy: Transform your pissed off energy into creative energy.

FCC: I know you're kidding because I know you outside of WTF.
 

Boycott

Soul Doubt
1,387
1
0
#12
Then, as if it were a bolt of lightning, Boycott jumped on the bandwagon and flamed Descent.

"Take that, fucker, " he yelled as bright flames emerged from beneath Descent, engulfing him and leaving nothing but Isochoke, his company.
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#13
Boycott said:
Then, as if it were a bolt of lightning, Boycott jumped on the bandwagon and flamed Descent.

"Take that, fucker, " he yelled as bright flames emerged from beneath Descent, engulfing him and leaving nothing but Isochoke, his company.
Magically wielding light sabers shaped like I_TakeOffence's dog's woody, Descent spins around and chops Boycott into thick slices of Canadian Bacon.
 

Boycott

Soul Doubt
1,387
1
0
#14
Descent said:
Magically wielding light sabers shaped like I_TakeOffence's dog's woody, Descent spins around and chops Boycott into thick slices of Canadian Bacon.
Shitty to-be gaming companies can't weild light sabres, genius. Not to mention the technicality of your post. Human == Human. Bacon == Pig :)
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
6,775
248
118
#15
Descent said:
In all honesty dude, you're a much better flamer than the newbs but you're creativity sucks balls man.
*your

blahblahblah
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
6,775
248
118
#17
He said "you're creativity sucks balls man"... which is "you are creativity sucks balls man"... which is incorrect... which makes you conspicuously asinine...

Don't worry, junior. If you don't quite understand, you don't have to ask me to repeat myself. It's text. You can just read it real slow. Have you been taught to sound out your words yet?
 

ThomConspicuous

Inconspicuously Informal
93
0
0
#19
I'll flame myself on that one for not reading the whole sentence.

What a total asshat I am. :confuse:

Alcohol + B&T = dumbshit

Icarus said:
Have you been taught to sound out your words yet?
Your arguments smack of the kind of appeals to authority one would
typically find in hierarchical, authoritarian institutions. Are you
possibly a school-teacher?
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,979
1,397
487
#20
This thread sucks. This is not a flame.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.