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Cardiologist Funeral

MaxPower

You're my number two
Staff
16,851
3,350
487
#1
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered
in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared
at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...I'm a gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist fainted
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
3,158
1
0
#2
lol good one :thumbsup:
 

G's-up

Postaholic
2,625
0
0
#4
ROFL......nice Max! :)

A man comes home from work one day to find his wife on the porch with two suitcases beside her.
"What's going on?" he asks.
"Im moving to Las Vegas," she tells him. "I found out that I can charge $400 a night for what I give you for free."
The guy immediately runs inside, then returns to the porch with packed bags and says, "Im going, too!"
"Why?" she asks.
"I want to see how you're going to live on $800 a year."

:D
 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
2,186
0
0
#5
G's-up said:
ROFL......nice Max! :)

A man comes home from work one day to find his wife on the porch with two suitcases beside her.
"What's going on?" he asks.
"Im moving to Las Vegas," she tells him. "I found out that I can charge $400 a night for what I give you for free."
The guy immediately runs inside, then returns to the porch with packed bags and says, "Im going, too!"
"Why?" she asks.
"I want to see how you're going to live on $800 a year."

:D
:thumbsup:

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the

pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist
said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her
husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said,
"Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to
kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose
my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all
kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you
can NOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's
wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
3,158
1
0
#6
ChilianFuckFace said:
:thumbsup:

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the

pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist
said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her
husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said,
"Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to
kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose
my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all
kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you
can NOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's
wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

hahahahahaha great one chillian :thumbsup:
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
3,158
1
0
#7
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again either!"
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
3,158
1
0
#8
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other
100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex.
So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream.
The next day the meet.

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming
for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my
wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes,
I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."




TOP TEN LIST- THE LAST THINGS A WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of being just
friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that
way.
8. Hey, get a whiff of that one!
7. Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the
armpits are too cute.
6. This diamond is just way too big.
5. Does this make my ass look too small.
4. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
3. Wow! It really is 14 inches!
2. I think hairy balls are so sexy.
1. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night
with him for $500. And she did. Before he left in the morning,he told
her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have
his scretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the
payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to the office, he regretted
what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and
enclosed a note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I
rented the apartment I was under the impression that:
(1) it had never been occupied;
(2) that there was plenty of heat;
(3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously
occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely
too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir,
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful
apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there
is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space,
the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord.
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
3,158
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#9
A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing. She
complained to the driver and had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for
himself. The man replied, well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady
got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a
sign that said, "The Gold Dust Twins are coming" and I had to smile. Then
she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Sloan's Liniment will reduce the
swelling" and I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a sign that said,
"William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself.
BUT....when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident." I laughed out loud.
"Case Dismissed" said the Judge.