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DIZNUTS

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3,158
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#1
An 80-year-old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said,
"Friend, for your age you're in the best shape I've seen."

The old man replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. I know I live a
good, clean, spiritual life."

The doctor asked, "What makes you say that?"

The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life the Lord wouldn't
turn the bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the
night."

The doc was concerned.

"You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord
Himself turns on the light for you?"

"Yep," the old man said, "whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the
Lord turns the light on for me."

Well, the doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife
came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband
said.

"I just want you to know," the doctor said. "Your husband's in fine
physical shape but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that
every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light
on for him."

"He what?" she cried.

"He said every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns
the light on for him."

"Aha!" she exclaimed. "So he's the one who's been peeing in the
refrigerator!"
 

Rurrouni

Shinsengumi
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#3
It's length kinda killed it, repeated the same thing a little to much. Overall if you edited it a little it would be much better but that's only my opinion.