WTF ... IS WTF!?
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Christian Fundamentalists

ron

Buster of Asses
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#1
Fundies. You know the ones. They always have a quote from the Bible to apply to modern situations. They blindly parrot everything their minister ever told them about the Bible and religion. They haven't an original thought in their heads and they get really nervous when I show up at their party. They actively try to save all us sinners from ourselves. They also comprise 20% of the population of the Unted States of America.

My wife told me about this fundie she worked with when we were first married. This genius came up to her, genuinely horrified, and said, "Did you know your husband rides a motorcycle?" Huh? Her first clue was probably the big, blue motorcycle parked in the garage, you dimwit.

So, after my wife told her she was aware of that, she continues, "Well, you should get him to stop or he'll wind up in Hell." Whaaaa?! Wind up in Hell? I don't run over people while I ride (tempting), so why would I wind up in Hell for riding? That's like saying, "playing volleyball will damn you to eternal hellfire!" Dumbass.

More recently, I was told that I am surely going to Hell because I wore my grinning skulls shirt to pick up my kids from daycare. I swear the dumb bitch looked almost threw my 4-month-old at me when I told her that all my kids love this shirt. That's right, she's a demon. We're going to perform a possession ritual tonight. I'll be reading from the Necronomicon. You're invited. Boo! Stupid.

I hear this sort of silly shit all the time from the mouths of Christian Fundamentalists. They seem to have this idea that everyone should believe and behave exactly as they do. Most of us would require a lobotomy as part of the conversion, so I'll pass. Who the fuck do they think they are? Your precious book is wrong, so go thump something else. I recommend a wall with your head for starters.

So, there's this site:

http://users.rcn.com/rostmd/winace/

I highly recommend that you peruse it at your leisure, paying special attention to the "Fundies Say the Darndest Things!" pages. Highly amusing.

They always ask stupid things like, "What religion are you?" They actually mean denomination instead of religion, since they cannot conceive of someone not being Christian like themselves. When you are not what they are, the response is always a despondant, "Oh..." Meaning, "oh, well you're just going to Hell because I'm better than you are." What religion am I?

Annoyed.
 

Hells_angel

Ruler of the underworld
302
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#2
ron said:
Fundies. You know the ones. They always have a quote from the Bible to apply to modern situations. They blindly parrot everything their minister ever told them about the Bible and religion. They haven't an original thought in their heads and they get really nervous when I show up at their party. They actively try to save all us sinners from ourselves. They also comprise 20% of the population of the Unted States of America.

My wife told me about this fundie she worked with when we were first married. This genius came up to her, genuinely horrified, and said, "Did you know your husband rides a motorcycle?" Huh? Her first clue was probably the big, blue motorcycle parked in the garage, you dimwit.

So, after my wife told her she was aware of that, she continues, "Well, you should get him to stop or he'll wind up in Hell." Whaaaa?! Wind up in Hell? I don't run over people while I ride (tempting), so why would I wind up in Hell for riding? That's like saying, "playing volleyball will damn you to eternal hellfire!" Dumbass.

More recently, I was told that I am surely going to Hell because I wore my grinning skulls shirt to pick up my kids from daycare. I swear the dumb bitch looked almost threw my 4-month-old at me when I told her that all my kids love this shirt. That's right, she's a demon. We're going to perform a possession ritual tonight. I'll be reading from the Necronomicon. You're invited. Boo! Stupid.

I hear this sort of silly shit all the time from the mouths of Christian Fundamentalists. They seem to have this idea that everyone should believe and behave exactly as they do. Most of us would require a lobotomy as part of the conversion, so I'll pass. Who the fuck do they think they are? Your precious book is wrong, so go thump something else. I recommend a wall with your head for starters.

So, there's this site:

http://users.rcn.com/rostmd/winace/

I highly recommend that you peruse it at your leisure, paying special attention to the "Fundies Say the Darndest Things!" pages. Highly amusing.

They always ask stupid things like, "What religion are you?" They actually mean denomination instead of religion, since they cannot conceive of someone not being Christian like themselves. When you are not what they are, the response is always a despondant, "Oh..." Meaning, "oh, well you're just going to Hell because I'm better than you are." What religion am I?

Annoyed.
:mad: I cant stand all those fucking people. I personaly think that it is all a bunch of bull shit. Oh the Necronomocin. I have that book. I also with that I could bitch slap all those fucking people. There is this one guy that is in my school that is always quoting from the bible. Then he is going around being an asshole and fucking around like a sinner. He told me he had bitch boobs. What the hell???
 

ron

Buster of Asses
963
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#3
Hells_angel said:
:mad: I cant stand all those fucking people. I personaly think that it is all a bunch of bull shit. Oh the Necronomocin. I have that book. I also with that I could bitch slap all those fucking people. There is this one guy that is in my school that is always quoting from the bible. Then he is going around being an asshole and fucking around like a sinner. He told me he had bitch boobs. What the hell???
You quoted all of that for 8 sentences? You might want to trim it down for everyone else next time.

I agree. Most of those people are hypocrites in the extreme.

"An thou do no harm, do as thou wilt; and that shall be the whole of the law."
 

Hells_angel

Ruler of the underworld
302
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#4
ron said:
You quoted all of that for 8 sentences? You might want to trim it down for everyone else next time.

I agree. Most of those people are hypocrites in the extreme.

"An thou do no harm, do as thou wilt; and that shall be the whole of the law."
Ok. I will be sure to do that. :thumbsup: We got into an issue about if the world stoped spining. It was fucked up and then about moses. :confused:
 

STFUfool

The Almighty God
8
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#5
if god really made you...

If god really made you and all of humanity, he did a crappy job because you are a fucking idiot. all of you are. Its so obvious god doesnt exist just because 99.99% of human beings are morons just like you. The very concept of creation itself is horribly flawed and contradicts every single atom we have encountered in this universe. The Law of conservation of matter and energy clearly applies to every atom and it states that matter and energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but simply altered from a previous state. The bible however claims god made the universe with thoughts, thats a load of crap. The matter and energy that makes up you and I has always and will always exist in some form or another. Perhaps now all these bible-thumpers who have read my post will realize how ignorant faith truely it. Faith is asking you to beleive in something without reason and to beleive in something that contradicts giant patterns in all of society. The simple fact that you cant see that shows how ignorant and inferior you are to those of us who can. You cant possibly understand the universe, and because of that you make up your imaginary friend "God" and claim he is real even though he has never shown his face. If I go to hell for not beleiving then you have to realize that God is one sick sadistic freak for making all of reality contradict himself and then punishing those who do not beleive. Is this world a cruel joke? I doubt it, I think all you beleivers are just a bunch of simpletons. So please, do the world a favor and die, you arent contributing to society so you are worthless in the form you are, just grind your body up into mulch. You'll be much more usefull that way.
 

Hypertron

Asshole of the Year
457
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16
#6
Ok, well i go to church and all but i hate the people who you guys are talkin about that all they do is quote scripture and try to prove it wrong...WTF! I mean if you take the Bible completely literal your a complete dumbass and should get somthing shoved up your ass for it. I also hate the idiots who go around and tell people what they are doin wrong and then turn around and do the same shit they told the other guy not to do, if your gonna tell someone they are gonna go to hell then you turn around and do the same shit then you might as well take the express elevator there yourself. I mean seriously don't try to be fake, like me i don't give a rats ass what people think bout me, I'm a good guy and all who gives a shit if I cuss and if they have a problem with it they can get over it.
 

STFUfool

The Almighty God
8
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#7
Hypertron is an idiot

Hypertron you are so ugly that every word that comes out of your mouth kills babies. Please just kill yourself now instead. You see every post you make is making this whole forum 10% dumber, congradulations now most of the people here have become more stupid by listening to your simplistic ignorant opinions. No one likes you, so please just quit coming to this website and quit breathing also.
 

bill

l337sp34k3r
25
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#8
I am friends with one of these people(by friends I mean I avoid him at all costs). He used to be normal, but he eventually turned into a thumper. I hate these people, they drive me insane. About 6 months ago, this idiot told me that science proved that god was real.... I almost strangled him on the spot.
No, science did not prove you right you fucking idiot, use your head. All science does is prove Christianity wrong.
I hope all these holier-than-thou assholes die and rot in that hell that they are so certain I am heading to. Go choke on your bible, you dolt. Stop trying to convert me, I havent believed in the Tooth Fairy since I was 3 and I'm not about to believe some bullshit story about the big guy up in the clouds who never fails and never makes any mistakes. He knows everything that has happened and will happen, yet your precious book itself states that he was surprised by the acts of humans??? Your very teachings contradict themselves, stupid, go fuck yourself. :mfinger:
 

STFUfool

The Almighty God
8
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#9
Bill is gay

"Your very teachings contradict themselves, stupid, go fuck yourself."

-I agree bill, but you are still a moron.
 

Hypertron

Asshole of the Year
457
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16
#10
Bite Me...

STFUfool said:
Hypertron you are so ugly that every word that comes out of your mouth kills babies. Please just kill yourself now instead. You see every post you make is making this whole forum 10% dumber, congradulations now most of the people here have become more stupid by listening to your simplistic ignorant opinions. No one likes you, so please just quit coming to this website and quit breathing also.

Hmmm...how bout you eat shit and die
 
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#11
Growing up in a christian family, i was taught that the bible was right, god is real, blah blah blah... but i agree with what ron said in his original post... the people i went to church with were a lot like that... "Don't wear skulls on your shirt, or you'll go to hell." "don't advertise AC/DC or Black sabbath or whatever on your clothes, or you'll go to hell." And, the next time i saw them, they were advertising eminem or whatever on their clothes... what the fuck is up with that? hypocrites, all of them... i know this world's going to hell, i'm just getting a head start.

and the church i went to, the Canadian Reformed Church, taught that all other churches, like the Roman Catholic church or the christian reformed church or whatever... they're all going to hell. "yeah, the canadian reformed church is the only one that's gonna be saved on judgement day, blah blah blah, we are perfect, yada yada yada." yeah right... they are just like everybody else.
 

Foreverpissed

came, saw, & left pissed
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#12
First off, I cannot stand when people say god's name in vain. First off, I don't go to church, I probably should but I just cannot stand conceded people. Second some stupid bitch told me, "oh of course you can say gods name in vain, because then you go back to church and he forgives you." Well all I can say is that it must really suck to be somebody who forgives everyone after they hurt you. He gave us 10 commandments to follow by, he never said you have to go to church, he just gave us 10 commandments, and I will be following them.
 
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#13
Foreverpissed said:
First off, I cannot stand when people say god's name in vain. First off, I don't go to church, I probably should but I just cannot stand conceded people. Second some stupid bitch told me, "oh of course you can say gods name in vain, because then you go back to church and he forgives you." Well all I can say is that it must really suck to be somebody who forgives everyone after they hurt you. He gave us 10 commandments to follow by, he never said you have to go to church, he just gave us 10 commandments, and I will be following them.
People say god's name in vain because they know it pisses christians off... just like bible thumpers do what they do just to piss non christians off.

it's a viscious cycle.
 

ron

Buster of Asses
963
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#14
Unforgiven said:
and the church i went to, the Canadian Reformed Church, taught that all other churches, like the Roman Catholic church or the christian reformed church or whatever... they're all going to hell. "yeah, the canadian reformed church is the only one that's gonna be saved on judgement day, blah blah blah, we are perfect, yada yada yada." yeah right... they are just like everybody else.
Sounds like Mormons. They're especially blind and stupid, since they follow the revised teachings of an idiot who named himself prophet and made up a religion just to get the attention he was not getting at home. The worst part is that he actually got away with it. Well, that and they own Walgreens.
 

GottaHurt

Sexual Deviant
1,591
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#15
ron said:
Sounds like Mormons. They're especially blind and stupid, since they follow the revised teachings of an idiot who named himself prophet and made up a religion just to get the attention he was not getting at home. The worst part is that he actually got away with it. Well, that and they own Walgreens.
....and multiple wives. I like that concept.
 

ron

Buster of Asses
963
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#16
GottaHurt said:
....and multiple wives. I like that concept.
Yeah, real good concept there. That's why Mormons have the highest incidence of congenital birth defects and genetic diseases of any group outside of those people who live near that mercury plant. They're like the Oblongs.
 

GottaHurt

Sexual Deviant
1,591
0
0
#17
ron said:
Yeah, real good concept there. That's why Mormons have the highest incidence of congenital birth defects and genetic diseases of any group outside of those people who live near that mercury plant. They're like the Oblongs.
Who mentioned kids? I'm talking about 7 booty calls!!!