So I'm wheeling out my cart full of toilet paper from the local Meijer and this little old lady stops me and says "Sir, I believe you took the last of that". To which I responded "Indeed I did". Then she goes into this long song and dance about fixed income and dead husband World War 2 blah blah blah and finally says "May I have one?" Me being the giving soul that I am I offered a 4-roll pack of two-ply for the low low price of $37 (I knocked $3 off my planned Facebook Marketplace price because I gave her the benefit of the doubt that her useless dead husband didn't actually kill any Nazis). She appeared a bit shocked and I'm pretty sure an audible 'click' came from her dentures unlatching from their fourteen day Poly-Grip hold as she began to sift threw her moderately adorned change purse. Being that everyone has places to go and people to see I respectfully said "C'mon lady I ain't got all day". This is when the old bag informed me that there is a high likelihood that she doesn't have the scratch. How irritating is that? You try and do a good deed and this is the thanks you get. Anywho, once my irritation subsided a bit (mostly because the "Hot Pretzels" sign caught my eye) I considered some kind of amicable negotiation. Of course there were no IRA's or gold teeth from some long dead Jewish mother so I engaged the creative side of the brain. I'm talking GGILF. Saw it once in passing on the Pornhubs and thought "Eh, wouldn't hurt to try" It's always been a bucket list kind of item. So after I presented the offer and her face returned from bewilderment she agreed. So I wheel my cart full of goodies to the self checkout (ALWAYS use the self-checkout. You can short swipe the machine and if caught just act dumb "oopsies" *blush*. Plus their use increases the unemployment rate of all those overweight cashiers with double chins and bad ink). Let Darwin sort 'em out.
So eventually I get the waddling old bag out to my F-350 and only then did I realize there might be a bit of a logistics issue. I mean, I'm more than happy with the anticipation of crossing off another bucket list item but I'd prefer not the do it at the cost of me blowing out a knee or her breaking a hip. I decided that camera over there has a pretty sharp pitch to the right so I gambled on the angle and just bent her over behind an open door. That was the moment I learned why she was so desperately pursuing my bag of Angel Soft. Damn near killed the mood. I mean of course it didn't because I ain't no pussy I'm just saying it was close.
I guess the point in me telling you this story is to reassure you that you just need to keep your head up. Every cloud has a silver lining and some good things (beyond killing the weak and feeble) can come from this pandemic. Best of luck to you and if you need any Purell shoot me a DM.
So eventually I get the waddling old bag out to my F-350 and only then did I realize there might be a bit of a logistics issue. I mean, I'm more than happy with the anticipation of crossing off another bucket list item but I'd prefer not the do it at the cost of me blowing out a knee or her breaking a hip. I decided that camera over there has a pretty sharp pitch to the right so I gambled on the angle and just bent her over behind an open door. That was the moment I learned why she was so desperately pursuing my bag of Angel Soft. Damn near killed the mood. I mean of course it didn't because I ain't no pussy I'm just saying it was close.
I guess the point in me telling you this story is to reassure you that you just need to keep your head up. Every cloud has a silver lining and some good things (beyond killing the weak and feeble) can come from this pandemic. Best of luck to you and if you need any Purell shoot me a DM.
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