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Creation of life

pimpyobitch

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#1
I have to do this project for a language class and wanted to know if what you thought and want to know if I should change anything.

Thanks

At the start of what is known as time there was the prodigy. The prodigy, was the one whom was the master, creater of the universe, and time. He created magnificent lands of rushing rivers, mountains goliath in size, and shape, along with rolling plains. He was soon to realize that what was the point of the universe with out life. Thus he decided to use the recources and elments of the universe to create the people. With out feeling, no one would be albe to realize that they exist, in a world, beyond an infinite amount of darkness. The prodigy soon realized this problem and he soon had to call upon the providence of sense. The providence of sense gave them the five senses:hear, see, feel, touch, and taste. Now that the people were to to notice that they exist, they needed knowledge to make sense of it all. Hence he called upon the creator of knowledge. He then gave the people the power to think. Now that the people were soon able to think and act for them selves, he watched for years to come, to make sure that they would survive. He protected them all he could from castastrophic events, such as plague, and weather. He did all he could but some he could not protect them from, such as war. He soon realized that it was up to them to determine the fate of themselves; and soon faded away. The people still know he exist, they know they cant see him but still know in their hearts that he's still there.
 

magnolia

Postaholic
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#2
I like it. I think that you should leave it just as it is. Great job pimpy! :thumbsup:
 

Pachyderm

I really did.
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#3
He was soon to realize that what was the point of the universe with out life.
Maybe you could say, He soon realized that there was no point to a universe without life because you're posing a question in that sentance, and it's not very well put. Or maybe you could say... He was soon to realize that there was no point of a universe without life.
There are a few gramatical problems.. Like in this sentence.. With out feeling, no one would be albe to realize that they exist, in a world, beyond an infinite amount of darkness... I think it should be "Without feeling, no one would realize that they existed in a world beyond an infinite amound of darkness." <---Also I don't really know what that sentence means.
Don't use the word "soon" so much. You can actually drop that from sentences and still have a complete one.
The providence of sense gave them the five senses:hear, see, feel, touch, and taste
This doesn't go together nor does it make sense. It should be something like this. "The providence of senses gave humans five senses: Sight, sound, taste, touch and smell."
You are also not using the tenses in the right form. If your sentence has one past tense verb, they all need to be past.
"plague and THE weather."
"The people still know he existS."
Stop using the word "still"
Other than all that....It's great. Sorry to be so nit picky