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Crying Over Movies

ron

Buster of Asses
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#1
Sometimes you allow yourself to be dragged to some chick flick by your girlfriend, wife, whatever. It's a dark day, but maybe you were lured there with the promise of pussy if you'd go; or Hell on Earth if you did not accompany her. Either way, you're out $15 for the tickets and another $15 for all the snacks and drinks she wants to suck down.

The movie always seems to star some Hollywood harlot who wants to try her hand at drama and has a supporting cast of no-talents you've seen in a dozen other flicks, usually getting their heads chopped off by some guy in a black robe wearing a fright mask. The plot goes something like this: girl meets boy, boy is an asshole, girl hates boy, boy is forced to spend time with girl when he would rather be out driving fast and smoking a joint, girl shows boy the error of his ways, boy falls in love with girl, boy makes a complete ass out of himself trying to win her heart, against her better judgement girl falls in love with boy, their friends think it's all wrong, the blissful couple proves the whole world wrong, they kiss, rainbows and kittens appear, end of movie.

Lame, lame, lame. So, you're there, the plot is winding down (finally) and then you hear it. She's crying. What the Hell are you to do? There's a flicker of an instant where you think she make have gotten ahold of a bad juju bead, but then you eralize that she's crying and smiling. A wave of nausea washes over you. She's crying over this piece of shit and you were going to fuck her later.

It's a movie, people. It's not real. No matter how you build it up and how you try to find parallels in your own pathetic life, it's still a movie. It's made up. Some pathetic, out-of-work screenwriter needed to buy a pound of crystal, so he pumped out this piece of shit one Sunday afternnon between masturbating to Wheel of Fortune and faking a suicide attempt. Get over it.

Remember, if you drag me to this movie, I will make fun of it and you in front of the whole theater right when you are feeling most vulnerable.
 

GottaHurt

Sexual Deviant
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#4
ron said:
Sure, right after I gouge out your eyes.
Good one.

I dumped a chick over a movie.The stupid ho wanted to go out and I'm like yea yea yea , you pick, blah blah blah so I pick her up and ask her what movie and she tells me it's a Robin Williams flick, so I don't give it a second thought. Until 5 minutes into the movie, that's when I got up and left, for good. The movie was Birdcage.
 
#5
ha i am such a sad sonofabitch i went to see that movie with that hugh grant i think it was, where hes the prime minister, except that fucking movie doesnt even have a plot for god sakes, then of course there was You Got Served which only served to draw attention to my asscheeks falling asleep, but that was barely worth it because i got laid :)

and Fried Green Tomatoes... wow your telling me that son of a bitch didnt have a knife to cut his laces before that train skullfucked him, this is the south were talking about in what? 1950s i thnk it was. pocketknife, boyscout; I hate that fucker anyway. stupid fatass and that old bitch too, wow.
 

mthrlangl

Clitpickle
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#6
I'm glad my husband a) doesn't make fun of me for bawling over movies/books/etc., because I practically cry over phone commercials, and b) that he doesn't mind watching the girlie movies as long as they have a plot. Lucky me, I didn't marry an alpha male.
 
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#8
mthrlangl said:
I'm glad my husband a) doesn't make fun of me for bawling over movies/books/etc., because I practically cry over phone commercials, and b) that he doesn't mind watching the girlie movies as long as they have a plot. Lucky me, I didn't marry an alpha male.
This reminds me of the Man Show episode where they have the wife sitter. "Do you want to go out with the guys? Raucus poker night? Does she want you to stay home and watch Terms of Endearment? Call Lady Sitters. Lady Sitters don't mind going shopping with your wife, going to the spa with her, or hanging out for a chic flick" At this point, it shows a U-Haul truck with a bunch of gay guys strapped to hand trucks. This burly mover-guy grabs one of the hand trucks and wheels it up to the door, and the wife is exstatic.

I swear, it's like some women want men to be their best friends. Don't get me wrong - in a healthy relationship you should be great friends (even best friends), but there are certain things a man will (should) only do with his male best friends, and there are certain things a woman should only do with her female friends. The problem? Lots of chics drop all of their friends when they get a man. It's true. Some of them are really sneaky - these chics know that not having their own friends is a huge warning sign. What do they do? They actually have a decent friend network. It appears that they have a healthy amount of interaction with other people. As the relationship grows, however, her friends stop coming around less and less. She stops calling them, and is happy just to hang out her man. This causes problems when he wants to hang out with his friends - after all, she got rid of all of her friends for him!! Why does he need to go out with those juveline delinquents, anway?

Hmm.. I seem to have lost the point - my bad. You're hubby's still whipped, but at least you found what you want. He has you open the pickle jar, doesn't he?
 

GottaHurt

Sexual Deviant
1,591
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#9
badassmtbiker said:
This reminds me of the Man Show episode where they have the wife sitter. "Do you want to go out with the guys? Raucus poker night? Does she want you to stay home and watch Terms of Endearment? Call Lady Sitters. Lady Sitters don't mind going shopping with your wife, going to the spa with her, or hanging out for a chic flick" At this point, it shows a U-Haul truck with a bunch of gay guys strapped to hand trucks. This burly mover-guy grabs one of the hand trucks and wheels it up to the door, and the wife is exstatic.

I swear, it's like some women want men to be their best friends. Don't get me wrong - in a healthy relationship you should be great friends (even best friends), but there are certain things a man will (should) only do with his male best friends, and there are certain things a woman should only do with her female friends. The problem? Lots of chics drop all of their friends when they get a man. It's true. Some of them are really sneaky - these chics know that not having their own friends is a huge warning sign. What do they do? They actually have a decent friend network. It appears that they have a healthy amount of interaction with other people. As the relationship grows, however, her friends stop coming around less and less. She stops calling them, and is happy just to hang out her man. This causes problems when he wants to hang out with his friends - after all, she got rid of all of her friends for him!! Why does he need to go out with those juveline delinquents, anway?

Hmm.. I seem to have lost the point - my bad. You're hubby's still whipped, but at least you found what you want. He has you open the pickle jar, doesn't he?

"And the moral of the story is: Just because she dropped all of her friends,doesn't mean he has to drop all his." ...and now back to our regularly scheduled programming, Crying at the Movies with slapnut and stinky...
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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#10
mthrlangl said:
I'm glad my husband a) doesn't make fun of me for bawling over movies/books/etc., because I practically cry over phone commercials, and b) that he doesn't mind watching the girlie movies as long as they have a plot. Lucky me, I didn't marry an alpha male.
Alpha male. Yeah, ok. I know you meant that to be insulting, but I can deal with it. After all, we alpha males get to breed with the best females (hopefully improving the species), we get to decide where the pack goes, and we get to eat first.

Your husband seems to have found what he was looking for, too: the vagina he never had. Lucky him.

As for Hugh Grant, the last movie he did that had anything resembling a decent plot was "Lair of the White Worm." Beyond that, the depth of his characters seems to be that they are "fatally British."

Which reminds me, add that and "Altered States" to my movie list.
 
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#11
Until 5 minutes into the movie, that's when I got up and left, for good. The movie was Birdcage.
Now seriously, what the fuck dude?!? I'm not going to give props to that movie because of the first 5 minutes, but it's a fucking funny movie. Let me prove this as a simple recipe:

1 Part - Nathan Lane as The Fruitiest Fuck On Earth
1 Part - Hank Azaria as The Queerist Buttler On Earth
1 Part - Gene Hackman in Drag
1 Handful - Gay Induendos and Girly Outbursts

Sit through it for more than 5 lowsy minutes. You get one funny ass movie.

And c'mon dude. You broke up with a girl because of a movie? You must not want to get laid EVER!!!!
 

Ctoit

Tenderony
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#12
The movie always seems to star some Hollywood harlot who wants to try her hand at drama and has a supporting cast of no-talents you've seen in a dozen other flicks, usually getting their heads chopped off by some guy in a black robe wearing a fright mask. The plot goes something like this: girl meets boy, boy is an asshole, girl hates boy, boy is forced to spend time with girl when he would rather be out driving fast and smoking a joint, girl shows boy the error of his ways, boy falls in love with girl, boy makes a complete ass out of himself trying to win her heart, against her better judgement girl falls in love with boy, their friends think it's all wrong, the blissful couple proves the whole world wrong, they kiss, rainbows and kittens appear, end of movie.
\



Thanks.........now I dont need to see another movie (except Dodgeball) for a long while.........when I get the urge.....I'll just whip this out and be done......save the money...time...energy
 

GottaHurt

Sexual Deviant
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#13
MasterDick said:
Now seriously, what the fuck dude?!? I'm not going to give props to that movie because of the first 5 minutes, but it's a fucking funny movie. Let me prove this as a simple recipe:

1 Part - Nathan Lane as The Fruitiest Fuck On Earth
1 Part - Hank Azaria as The Queerist Buttler On Earth
1 Part - Gene Hackman in Drag
1 Handful - Gay Induendos and Girly Outbursts

Sit through it for more than 5 lowsy minutes. You get one funny ass movie.

And c'mon dude. You broke up with a girl because of a movie? You must not want to get laid EVER!!!!
Well I'm not into faggots, and the chick I went with knew that.You seem pretty well informed on the subject though, thus your screen name.
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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#14
Ctoit said:
Thanks.........now I dont need to see another movie (except Dodgeball) for a long while.........when I get the urge.....I'll just whip this out and be done......save the money...time...energy
No problem. Glad to help.