man - it just seems that i never do anything good enough - my dad is never happy with me!
Im taking some extra summer classes and I got a little behind on getting them done - so I pulled like a 3 day long all nighter - and got all caught up...do I get any encouragement from him or anything? NO - thats not all that bad though...
What REALLY pisses me off though - is the fact that I just got a job 3 weeks ago - when I had been looking for one for over 2 months - and was unsuccessful. I had some 8 interviews @ places but never got the jobs...until 3 weeks ago - I got one...finally...
Is my dad happy though? NO - he just moves on to the next thing thats "wrong" with me...the fact that I dont go to church anymore - which really pisses him off becasue lol - hes a preacher. Idk - I just dont feel right going - because my heart isnt there at all...and I dont want to sit there and lie to myself...
Idk - my dad just doesnt seem to focus on all the like good things that I get done...he always has to find something to bitch about...I swear to god - I havent heard the man tell me hes proud of me in over like 2 fucking years...i mean he expects me to believe in god...yet I dont even believe in myself - lmao - its kinda hard to believe in some higher power if you dont even believe in yourself...
my dad also hates the fact that im so into computers and want to be a comp programmer...he always used to put me in sports and shit - soccer, wrestling, baseball...but I stopped in 6-7th grade...and started learning stuff about comps...
arg...i know a lot of people have it worse than me...hes not physically abusive at all - well i mean we have gotten into a few fist fights...but yea...hes just like indirectly verbally and emotionally abusive...and I have clinical depression - so its not like he helps that at all...
of course ya know - the thoughts of "im never going to be like my parents when i have my own kids" has passed through my mind like a million times in the past few months - but now im just starting to think that the best way to be a parent - lol - is not to have kids period...lmao
Im taking some extra summer classes and I got a little behind on getting them done - so I pulled like a 3 day long all nighter - and got all caught up...do I get any encouragement from him or anything? NO - thats not all that bad though...
What REALLY pisses me off though - is the fact that I just got a job 3 weeks ago - when I had been looking for one for over 2 months - and was unsuccessful. I had some 8 interviews @ places but never got the jobs...until 3 weeks ago - I got one...finally...
Is my dad happy though? NO - he just moves on to the next thing thats "wrong" with me...the fact that I dont go to church anymore - which really pisses him off becasue lol - hes a preacher. Idk - I just dont feel right going - because my heart isnt there at all...and I dont want to sit there and lie to myself...
Idk - my dad just doesnt seem to focus on all the like good things that I get done...he always has to find something to bitch about...I swear to god - I havent heard the man tell me hes proud of me in over like 2 fucking years...i mean he expects me to believe in god...yet I dont even believe in myself - lmao - its kinda hard to believe in some higher power if you dont even believe in yourself...
my dad also hates the fact that im so into computers and want to be a comp programmer...he always used to put me in sports and shit - soccer, wrestling, baseball...but I stopped in 6-7th grade...and started learning stuff about comps...
arg...i know a lot of people have it worse than me...hes not physically abusive at all - well i mean we have gotten into a few fist fights...but yea...hes just like indirectly verbally and emotionally abusive...and I have clinical depression - so its not like he helps that at all...
of course ya know - the thoughts of "im never going to be like my parents when i have my own kids" has passed through my mind like a million times in the past few months - but now im just starting to think that the best way to be a parent - lol - is not to have kids period...lmao