::darkest Day’s::

[nexus]

The sky is grey
The wind is freezing
All i long is to see your bright face
to make it all ok

Your face is the brightest sun
Your face is the shining star
That is never hidden in the shadows
A star that is never cloaked by the neighbouring light

When I am unhappy
All i do is think of you
The friendship that we share
Is all i need to get my though the darkest night

The days are fine
The nights are bliss
Coz i know you are there
All i need to do is think of you

The friendship that we share
Is worth more that all the treasure
in this darkest world
All i need is your friendship
To get me through the coldest days


tell me what you all think of it and any Suggestions you may have.... thanx

 

[Pachyderm]

I don't usually go into Writer's block, but when I do, it gets ugly because I am very critical. The only reason why I came to this post because the title of it was "Darkest Day's" when really it should be "Darkest Days" without the apostrophe. An apostrophe shows ownership or contractions.
So since I am here, I might as well critique your poem, it's more than what usually happens in this forum, no one comes here.
You are trying to show me a mood through my senses "gray" "freezing wind" "bright" etc. And although this poem has a certain structure to it, try not to use "cliche" words, be original.. Use the thesaurus if you have to, it will boost your vocabulary up as well.

A star that is never cloaked by the neighbouring light

This is my favorite line from the poem, it shows creativity, nice choice of words, and excellent flow.
As for the entire composition, it's a bit redundant and unoriginal, but your potential is seeping through with such lines as the one I posted. Hope I wasn't too bad. I probably wont come in here again anytime soon.

 

[dustinzgirl]

yeah what she said. but, it was cute.

hey pachy how come you never critique my stuff? id like to here somethign besides "its great" all the time...

 

[Zickddot]

lol i'd say its good but add some jamiroquia lyrics lol ance:

 

[Pachyderm]

I usually don't get around to writer's block because I am really critical.. but if you REALLY want me to...