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Don't Touch That!

ron

Buster of Asses
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I recently travelled to our newest location to set up their network. This is a pretty high-profile gig, so they want an engineer on site to get everything just right. Never mind that they are wasting my time. It took a couple of hours to drive there, but at least I got out of the office for a day.

It was pretty simple: a T-1, a router, a switch, a few workstations, a print server, and three printers. It took longer to open the boxes and put the devices in place than it took to actually configure the network settings. When I left, everything was working, the sun was shining, and all was right with the world.

Enter stubborn, stupid, illiterate branch manager. He does not like computers. He does not want to use a computer. He decides that I have everything set up all wrong and that he is going to fix it.

Well, he fixed it, all right. He fubar-ed everything so badly that I now have to make another trip just to see how fucked up he made things. So, another day wasted because of this asshole's failure to engage his forebrain before touching things he has no clue about. I tried walking him through the whole process over the phone, but he's too stupid to follow simple instructions. I fully expect to see network cables plugged into phone jacks and the other ends plugged into his ass.

What the Hell was he thinking? I can hear him now, "I know they sent the guy who built our entire infrastructure, but I'll bet my extensive sales experience makes me just as competent as any engineer." Fucking retard! Keep your hands off my shit!
 

betrayed

Banned - What an Asshat!
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Yeah I hate people who think they know what their doing but their guessing and half assing their way through it then get upset because it doesn't go how they planned. What a fucker..
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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So...To add insult to injury, the asshole lied to me when I got to the site.

I asked, "So, what did you move around or change?"

Says he, "Nothing. Everything was OK when you left, but just stopped working the next day."

Said I, "Oh really? Let me take a look."

With a stricken look on his face, he asks, "Can't you just install new stuff and leave the old stuff alone?"

WTF? The bullshit detector, already making lots of noise, starts screaming and getting hot.

I coolly respond, "No, everything was right before I left, so I'm going to put it all right again."

I started checking the physical components and could not help but laugh out loud at this ignorant asshole. The stupid fucker had completely unplugged and rearranged everything, just like I had expected. He was too stupid to put everything back exactly as he found it. This pinhead couldn't even figure out where some of the cables went, so he wound them up, secured them with zip ties, and pushed them out of sight. He actually thought he could get away with it. Yeah, gosh, I'll just replace everything I had installed before to cover for your dumb ass. Um, no.

So, those cables all just rearranged themselves, did they. Sure, I saw something similar one night on USA Network's Night Flight. It was a short film set to Are You Experienced? by Jimi Hendrix. The tapes went wild and even ate this poor engineer. Yeah, it could happen. Dumbass.
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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I feel for you, Ron.

My mom does the same exact thing... she can't leave ANYTHING alone. When I wake up, sometimes the entire downstairs seems to be rearranged... and not just her stuff. She moves everything. And that includes the computer. She destroyed about 70 Blank CDR's once... she couldn't open the container (it twists open), so she took a knife to it. Unfortunately, she decided on the biggest knife in the kitchen, and rather than hacking at the plastic container, she went right at where the CDR's were. Not a single fucking one wasn't mutilated...
 

swizeguy

How dare you!?
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people like that drive me nuts. they never friggin learn. i just hope you made him feel like the idiot that he was.
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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Darkness_Reaper said:
That is some funny shit, man.
what did you do? confront him? and if so what did he say?
I had my way with him. It was amusing. You see, he wanted to lean over my shoulder the entire time, so I gave him a running commentary, like, "You see, this cable used to be here, not here, so I guess it must have shaken itself loose long enough for this other cable to crawl out and plug itself in here, then the first cable must have plugged itself back in."

I wrote down everything this pinhead had done; I wish I had a camera. He was sweating bullets the entire time and kept denying any involvement. He said, "No, no, I didn't touch anything. I don't know nothing about computers."

To which I replied, "I think we have abundantly clarified that latter point."

I don't think he got it. Pinhead. I mentioned, "Whomever did this was very neat, but not very bright. After all, the cables could easily have been plugged right back where they came from if the responsible party had simply paid attention to detail. That would have obviated the need to wind these cables up with zip ties to hide his incompetence."

He blushed at that and said, "Maybe one of the drivers came in and did that."

To which I replied, "Probably not. This would have taken quite a long time to do so neatly. Surely, you would have noticed. Besides, there is only one key, to my knowledge, which you have. So, based on this new information, you are telling me that the drivers have somehow gained access to the office area in such a manner as to escape your notice. That sounds like a serious security problem. I had better put in some additional cameras and alarm sensors in here. That will be pretty expensive, though."

He just stared at me with his mouth open. I continued, "No, I am pretty sure we know who the culprit is. This has seriously affected the opening profitability of this location, when you factor in your lost productivity and the cost of my time. I'll let management take a look at my notes so they can make up their own minds."

The poor dipshit didn't look well after that. Remember, incompetence leads to ulcers.
 

Seije

The Stranger Returns...
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you know it's pretty stupid how those older than us can't figure out all this "new age technology"...it's not really like they even try to, just mess everything up or say they hate it and stick to old school stuff

..but i'm gonna laugh one day if we all grow old and can't figure out how to work future technology when they start coming out with stuff like...i don't know, the movie 'paycheck' er something....eh
 

Shai'Hulud

Omfg. Gawd of Dune. :OO
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Man that is fucking great. I would've just come in and observed everything. Then be like. "Alright. Look here. We're gonna put this cable back into it's place...and then we're gonna do this. *Unzips pants and pisses over everything* Order some new parts, fuck mook. I'm not dealing with your shit." Then I would overthrow the government and have him executed. Or something. :D :cookie:
 

shep

Local alcoholic
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Shai'Hulud said:
Man that is fucking great. I would've just come in and observed everything. Then be like. "Alright. Look here. We're gonna put this cable back into it's place...and then we're gonna do this. *Unzips pants and pisses over everything* Order some new parts, fuck mook. I'm not dealing with your shit." Then I would overthrow the government and have him executed. Or something. :D :cookie:
great plan ,i think it will work.
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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Seije said:
you know it's pretty stupid how those older than us can't figure out all this "new age technology"...it's not really like they even try to, just mess everything up or say they hate it and stick to old school stuff
The thing is, this guy is my age. He's just a dumbass who never learned anything about critical thinking, responsibility, nor computers.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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This is why I make my IT guy install my new mouse, just incase. I never ever touch or move any of CL's stuff, becuase he would have a heart attack, after he whooped my ass. LOL. Not all sales people are like this, as I said, I made my IT guy install my mouse. He said I could have done it myself. I said, yeah, but it is funner to IM you and make you do it. He kind of glared at me. But, isnt that what you guys are for?
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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dustinzgirl said:
This is why I make my IT guy install my new mouse, just incase. I never ever touch or move any of CL's stuff, becuase he would have a heart attack, after he whooped my ass. LOL. Not all sales people are like this, as I said, I made my IT guy install my mouse. He said I could have done it myself. I said, yeah, but it is funner to IM you and make you do it. He kind of glared at me. But, isnt that what you guys are for?
Actually, most of us hate users like you. We engineers, especially, hate to get involved in user technical support. Some of us have more important things to do than unplug your old mouse and plug in a new one. That's one of the talents any computer user ought to have, even a n00b.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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ron said:
Actually, most of us hate users like you. We engineers, especially, hate to get involved in user technical support. Some of us have more important things to do than unplug your old mouse and plug in a new one. That's one of the talents any computer user ought to have, even a n00b.
True, however per my company policy, no person may remove or unplug any device to or from thier stationary computer.
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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dustinzgirl said:
True, however per my company policy, no person may remove or unplug any device to or from thier stationary computer.
What a stupid policy! Why not get your users some training so they don't have to waste the time (and thus company money) of the IT staff? There are a lot of things that every computer user ought to be able to do without assistance. Swapping out your mouse and keyboard are among those things.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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ron said:
What a stupid policy! Why not get your users some training so they don't have to waste the time (and thus company money) of the IT staff? There are a lot of things that every computer user ought to be able to do without assistance. Swapping out your mouse and keyboard are among those things.

yep. we also can not take the mouse at our desk to another location, so if you are moved, and the desk you move to does not have a mouse, you have to get the IT guy to bring you one, because, you can be fired for taking the one off your original desk, EVEN if there is nobody at that desk. Brilliant, eh.
All this is to prevent theft of company devices...LOL....like I want to steal a five dollar mouse
 

ron

Buster of Asses
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dustinzgirl said:
yep. we also can not take the mouse at our desk to another location, so if you are moved, and the desk you move to does not have a mouse, you have to get the IT guy to bring you one, because, you can be fired for taking the one off your original desk, EVEN if there is nobody at that desk. Brilliant, eh.
Yup, I'd be writing all kinds of homicide notes at that place. On the other hand, I suppose you have to keep the tech support monkeys busy somehow. Still, it's a shameful waste of corporate resources. Dumbasses.
 

TooLazy2Rebel

Hoodrat
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Man that is fucking great. I would've just come in and observed everything. Then be like. "Alright. Look here. We're gonna put this cable back into it's place...and then we're gonna do this. *Unzips pants and pisses over everything* Order some new parts, fuck mook. I'm not dealing with your shit." Then I would overthrow the government and have him executed. Or something
YOU KNOW WAT? i think you need to stop living in a fantasy, man. you know you would never survive in real life if you did that, dont lie to us. i'm with shep, i mean come on, i know this is a problem solving site but really? no1 in their right mind would do that. liar. :mfinger:

(sorry its kinda l8, but hey som1 needed to tell him)