Drunk Uncle Reflux #2 - Maybe someone will read it...


Flame Bait
Drunk Uncle Reflux: Reality (T.V.) Bites  No really, it sucks!

God is in the T.V.
-Marilyn Manson, “Rock is Dead”-

It’s finally happened. I’ve stopped watching television. This drastic change in my daily routine comes not from the lack of entertaining programming available, there is lots, but is based in my uncontrollable hatred for “Reality T.V.” It’s got to the point where even watching the commercials will send me into a fiery rage that ends with me either throwing something at my television set of kicking small dogs. (and I really like dogs… )
The truth is something I’d love to hide, but it must be siad… I understand why people might be interested in this crud. That’s right boys and girls, I was once hooked on the electronic crack. When Survivor first aired I watched every eppisode and I loved every one of them.
Soon, my newest love would become the bain of my existence. Like all things trendy, reality T.V. exploded. It became the biggest money maker for the networks. So new shows began to spring up. What was everyones favourite part of Survivor? The reward challenges of course. If you were like me, that’s the only reason you watched the show. The drama didn’t start till the third season. So what do the network executives come up with? Fear Factor – That’s right… none of the talking, all of the action. Fear Factor allowed fiewers to eascape reality as intrepid thrill seaker faced most peoples greatest fears. Hey, who doesn’t like watching some pathetic ass drive a car off a cliff for a shot at $25,000. (BEFORE taxes)
But it’s not always about money for us, is it? We all know there are much more important things on life. Like being famous. Who deosn’t want that? So what better then watching a bunch of people with already low self-esteme participate in a competition where the focus is on how much they suck. Enter the “idol” shows. Be it American, Canadain, Botswana, it doesn’t matter. Then there’s Making the Band, not really any different. All the shows are the same. A bunch of no talent hacks with voices like dying gorillas try their best to impress a panel of judges who all realise that if even one of these performers had talent they would already be signed to a label. When it’s all said an done, how many of these contrived bands created on any reality show shave any sort of prospering career? I think Sugar Jones’ last album sold about 15 copies world-wide.
If becoming famous isn’t your cup of tea, lets examine the lives of people who are ALREADY famous… that would be a hoot! Pioneered by everyone’s favourite dysfunctional family, The Osbourns gives viewers a window to look in on Ozzy and his family. What do this already famous family do with this opportunity? Use it to become even more famous. Kelly timed the release of her first album, which I’m sure never would have come out without the show, with the first season. (Her career as a singer failed as well, which proves my above point.) A while ago Sharron got her own talk show. This marked a milestone for her. Finally she could break away form her horrible life, living in the lap of luxury. My hat goes off to her. It’s nice to see someone free themselves from the oppression of being filthy stinking rich. I am very proud of the one child who did not participate in the show. Although, I can’t tell you who they are. (An extensive interview with my section rep allowed me to discover that it was Ozzy’s daughter Amy who refused to do the show.)
But, Ozzy and Sharron have been married for years; their problems are deep seated and we already knew they weren’t happy in their life. So, let’s leave them behind in favour of watching a new couple develop their marital issues in the early stage of marriage. In Newly Weds viewers follow everyones favourite virgin singer Jessica Simpson discover she is sexually incompatible with her new, an probably first of many, husband Nick Leche. They might never admit it on the show but you have to know that all that bickering is a result of Nick’s inability to satisfy Jessica’s budding sexual needs. Poor bastard must be trying so hard too.
When we get bored with watching famous people fuck up their love life we turn to “normal” people and watch them fail. Who will forget the huge hoopla around Who wants to merry a Millionaire?, The Bachelor, then The Bachelorette. Nothing like watching a bunch of really good looking, yet somehow incredibly pathetic, dating sight rejects vie for the love of some poor unfortunate fool. Everyone knows that none of these relationships will actually last. How can anyone get to know their life partner on a show that promotes, lying and cheating?
Speaking of every couple’s favourite pastimes, what the hell is the deal with Temptation Islan? Lest put a bunch of already troubled couples on an island with a bunch of incredibly hot people of the opposite sex who’s job it is to try and break couples up. Watch as the hilarity and fits of bawling begin. Then if all those shows weren’t humiliating or degrading enough, Fox releases the new matchmaker show Average Joe. Solid proof to every man that looks DO matter. Did anyone else see the clip of her as she realised that the guys getting off the bus were the actual contestants. This piece of crap is now in its second season. God help us all.
What can reality T.V. watcher look forward to next? Well I’ll tell you. After interviewing more people I’ve discovered that there is even more crap out there then I knew about. Big Brother is airing a new season. Time to look in on the “average lives” of a bunch of pre-selected people acting nothing like they normally would. Then there’s The Apprentice, watch as Donald Trump decides on his next “business assistant”. I’ve got fifty bucks on the Blond with the nicest tits winning this one. I’ve also been told that there is a series called My Big Obnoxious Fiancée. I don’t need to point out just how fucking stupid this idea is. If you like watching peoples’ hopes be built up and then crushed under the harsh thumb of viewer response check out House Wars. I’m sure it will be great watching the final episode when 2 of the 3 families loose the hose they have worked so hard on.
So, what’s the point here? In case you haven’t noticed I really don’t like reality T.V. Not only is it stupid, but it’s nothing near reality. We do love to watch others suffer though. It’s fun to see people placed in situations beyond their control, battle to be at the top, for whatever reason. It’s fun to laugh when they fail. It’s fun to hate the “bad guy” and route for your favourite. Without reality T.V. what would people Talk about at the office? The only question I have is how far will this go before we say it’s time to stop. Series 7: The Contenders (see this movie or visit http://www.series7movie.com/) gave me the answer… The Series 7 Marathon has begun. Clean your glocks and board up your windows, because this is going to be a good one. Returning Champion Dawn Lagarto has one last tour before she wins her freedom, and the life of her unborn child. She needs five kills, by any means necessary. Will she make it? Voice your opinion and hear what other viewers think about this Bloody Mama's fight to survive in the poll section. Is this what the future holds for reality T.V.? I know it would be the top rated show around the world… If only those pesky human rights laws could be overridden.

This rant was written about a year ago. Sorry that some shows are not up to date…


Fresh Meat
i agree

the worst one (and i understand this was writen a year ago) is my big fat obnoxious finace. They this woman a whole shitload of money to pretend shes marying the worlds most annoying ignorant dambass and then she tells her family and there all pissed off and they want to kill him enough allready, but what she doesnt know is that hes not that stupid or obnoxious, so its really screwing withing screwing for like 25000 dollars. this took weeks when she could have gone on fear factor, eaten buffalo testicles and made 25000 dollars in three days. another one is average joe.the give the ugliest (although im no prize myself haha) and nerdiest (again...im a nerd haha and proud of it) guys on the planet false hope of ending up with underwear models, really good looking women, then they bring in the body building good looking actor dudes and the nerds are eliminated, and even though your mad the nerds are gone cause you were rooting for the trekkie or the fat guy, your too hooked by now to stop watching and sometimes theres that one nerd at teh end and they keep making you think shes going to pick the nerd and then she tells him to fuck off(excuse my language)
I have spoken.
P.S. W. i realise this was one big run on sentence..i think...oh well im too lazy to check it over.

Brain Spout

Wizard No More
i completely agree with everything you have said. i tried to avoid these when they started i have no watched any survivor episodes, but eventually you are sucked into the white trash drama and human nature. Anyway it is nothing like reality. Well it isnt for me, maybe everyone else has at some point just randomly ended up on an island with other guys hoping to be picked by some hot girl, hasnt happened to me yet. I think i know why though. (the following is somewhat joking, but if you are religous it is feasible)

okay think about waht do all these shows have in common: exposing and eploiting human nature at its worst. Almost everything on this shows goes against what the bible teaches. I got it. all the network executives are demons, donald trump is satan himself. not sure who god is in this mess.