Drunk Uncle Reflux #3


Flame Bait
Drunk Uncle Reflux: The Grinch is dead…

Christmas carollers sing about peace on earth, but they don’t tell us where.
- Unknown -

That’s right folks, you heard it hear first. The Grinch not only failed to steal Christmas, he up and died. The damn story has got it all wrong. There were no little voices around a single tree that made his little heart grow to three times its size. He just died… in the mall. What a shitty way to go. I wish I could say that he was crushed under the massive crowds of bustling people on the penultimate day before Christmas, but it’s simply not true. To be honest, he just curled up and died - all his Christmas hatred spent as he realised that it’s not worth trying anymore. “Fuck you Christmas! You’re not worth my time, not anymore…” he mutters before disappearing out of existence.
He stopped caring that Christmas has become the biggest commercialised holiday, even surpassing Valentine’s Day. It’s not worth hating the malls that have had the Christmas decorations up since the day after Halloween. The people, the noise, the smell, nothing phases him anymore. Even after turning to the wise words of Warren Ellis, as spoken by the great Spider Jerusalem, and swearing that Christmas rates just slightly above “Drink Your Own Urine Day”, the Grinch still gave up. Done, spent, there’s nothing left that he hasn’t said or tried.
I found his diary the other day. He left it, in the hopes that maybe someone would read it. So, I pass some of his knowledge on to you. “Deep down inside us all there is still a part of everyone that loves this God-awful time of year. (He later apologised for the pun) There is nothing wrong with this. Everyone has his or her own reasons. I’m not saying they’re wrong. Believe whatever they will, it’s true to them, and that’s all that matters. But I ask them this… do you practice what you preach? Do they even know what they preach? How can they talk of peace on earth when they fight over the last of the Gamecubes© that come with the special Legend of Zelda™ game pack? How can they spread good will amongst their fellow man when they’re too busy sledding with the kids to see that a lot of people won’t eat tonight? How is Christmas about family when uncle Drinker, aunt Lesbian, and cousin NoJob aren’t invited to visit? Lets not forget keeping the Christ in Christmas. This battle cry is lost in the twinkling Christmas lights that can outshine any Christmas star in the sky. These things are going on right here, in our cities, in our families in our lives. We ignore them, because Christmas is a happy time. It is you know; that’s my problem. Even through all this, I can no longer hate the season. I’m too happy to hate it. I’ll never like what’s it has become, but if people stop following the glow of the electric god and start living their beliefs it can all change.”
So, I ask you where do you fit in? I know that sometimes I feel like the Grinch. It’s not that I hate Christmas, I love it. I just hate what it does to me. I know that it doesn’t matter what I say or believe, I’m always going to ask, “So, was Santa good to you?” Perhaps, it’s time we left the commercialism and ceremony of Christmas behind. Lets forget the old idiom of spreading “Christmas cheer” and focus on becoming more caring, compassionate, informed, honest, and I’d even say loving human beings all year round.

Obviously written at Christmas