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Entertaining UNIX Commands

Nunzii

®åvïñg §hëêþðhò£íç
388
38
217
#1
1. % make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.


2. % got a light?
No match.


3. % sleep with me
bad character


4. % man: Why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.


5. % rm God
rm: God nonexistent


6. % make 'heads or tails of all this'
Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.


7. % make sense
Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.


8. % make mistake
Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.


9. % make bottle.open
Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.


10. % \(-
(-: Command not found.


11. % rm -i God
rm: remove God? y
% ls God
God not found
% make light
Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.


12. % date me
You are not superuser: date not set
Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988


13. % man rear
No manual entry for rear.


14. % If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.


15. % * How would you describe Bill Clinton
*: Ambiguous.


16. % %Vice-President
%Vice-President: No such job.


17. % ls Meese-Ethics
Meese-Ethics not found


18. % "How would you rate Reagan's senility?
Unmatched ".


19. % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].


20. % ^How did the^sex change operation go?
Modifier failed.


21. % cp /dev/null sex;chmod 000 sex
% more sex
sex: Permission denied
% mv sex show
% strip show
strip: show: Permission denied


22. % who is my match?
No match.


23. % set i="DemocraticPlatform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
DemocraticPlatform unreadable


24. % awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line


25. % %blow
%blow: No such job.


26. % 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.


27. $ test my argument
test: too many arguments


28. $ "Amelia Earhart"
Amelia Earhart: not found


29. $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!


30. $ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate

31. $ mkdir "Yellow Pages";fiYellow Pages
$ mkdir matter;cat > matter
matter: cannot create


32. $ lost
lost: not found


33. $ found
found: not found


34. $ i=Hoffa ;>$i ;$i ;rm $i ;rm $i
Hoffa: cannot execute
rm: Hoffa nonexistent


35. % strip bra
bra: Cannot open


36. % sccs what bottle
can't open bottle (26)


37. $ cat "door: paws too slippery"
can't open door: paws too slippery


38. $ cat foodintincans
cat: can't open foodintincans



39. % rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent


40. % ar m God
ar: God does not exist


41. % "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ".


42. % sleep with me
bad character


43. % ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.


44. $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!


45. $ drink matter
matter: cannot create


46. % man sex
No manual entry for sex


47. $ make blow
make: *** No rule to make target `blow'. Stop.


48. $ sleep with me often
sleep: invalid time interval


49. $ time out
time: cannot run out: No such file or directory
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,993
1,401
487
#2
3/4 of those don't even make sense.

I find this command very entertaining though. :() { : | : & }; :

:thumbsup:
 

Diesel

Clitpickle
75
0
0
#5
Sex the unix way:

whois; trace; date; yacc; gawk; ssh; unzip; strip; find; touch; finger; head; uptime; whereis; latex; mount; join; nice; man; top; split; fsck; gasp; more; yes; exit; umount; sleep; dump