Dear Mr. Right,
In re: Woe is me / aka another awesome E/N thread.
TheLampIncident said:
They always tell me "Your day will come. You'll find a girl that you like." Oh gee, wonderful...I believe it at first...then hear it more and not so much.
Please allow me to be frank; you will never find “your girl”, you’ll always be lonely, get over it. I’m sorry that so many others have given you poor advice. I’ll apologize on behalf of the internet. We’re sorry for your social inadequacies.
TheLampIncident said:
I've been hearing this shit for years. Well, where are they? People have told me specifically with my personality that the girls would come if I kept being myself. I don't see them anywhere.
Again, I feel the need to be frank. Girls will have a harder time finding you on the internet, unless you include your name, age, location, penis length and of course sexual fetishes in your profile. After taking the proper steps towards seeing more girls, if you still fail to see more girls, feel free to go out and get some fresh air. Possible even attempt talking to creatures of the female agenda. Unless your fetish is the praying matis, they won’t bite. All should go well.
TheLampIncident said:
I remember one of my teachers last year saying that in college "All the girls would be fighting over me"...FUCK THAT. Why don't they fight over me now?
Good things come to those who wait. Jesus, you’d think you’ve never seen that ketchup commercial. What is today’s youth coming to?
TheLampIncident said:
Is everyone in high school putting on the fucking act? It's not like I'm even good enough for that shit parade called college.
College is actually a shit carnival; we stopped referring to it as a parade when Ronald Raygun was still in office. Please try to be politically correct.
TheLampIncident said:
Don't tell me to get out there and try either. Any time I ever liked a girl, she didn't like me back. Everything blows up in my face because I suck. I give up. Fuck this and fuck you. Die shit fuck cunt whore bastard rape anarchy molesting banana trees in the rainforest.
I won’t lie or offend you by telling you to “get out there and try.” Girls obviously aren’t “out there”, they’re hiding. No man has ever found this hidden female inner sanctum. High school is the time of pop icons; the only obvious next step, is to join a band and get on eMTyV. That will grant you instant notification.
TheLampIncident said:
Also, all you people complaining about your sex lives need to shut the fuck up. You act so underpriviledged because you've been without sex for a number of months. I'm 17 and I haven't even had a fucking liplock yet. All of you should die. DIE. DIE!!!! AGH!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
I agree the internet sex talk is a bit much. What can you do though, you’ve got dirty minds and sticky keyboards. You’ve got underaed and under sexed teens that need to talk about this stuff somewhere. AOL has parental control, so that’s obviously out. Where do they go? I apologize on behalf of every man, woman, transvestite and animal that’s ever had sex. In the future, we’ll try to be more considerate of you, while exercising our right to free speech.
TheLampIncident said:
ASS SHIT FUCK I HATE THIS SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT FUCK!!!!!!
I noticed in another post that you’re partial to growl metal. I know that’s not the real name for it; it has a real name and sub genre’s and sub sub genres, but I’ll refer to it as such for the moment. From your demeanor I’ve deduced that your musical tastes may be misplaced; you definitely seem much more emo, or at least gothic. Just something to consider. I hear Modest Mouse is all the rage with uber angst teeny types.
So, in closing please allow me these few last word. Sorry for all the bad advice, sorry that no girls like you, sorry, sorry , sorry. I hope I’ve met the requisite amount of sorries, received from an internet personality, in this post.
Sincerely,
The rest of the internet / aka all of those people who are wrong.
Btw, I'm just joking.
