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girls!!! orgasms... or not

MsPunK

Tenderony
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0
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#1
I wanted to put this in clam bar but it be closed. basically, i was wondering if any other girls have the same problem i do. i can make myself come in bed really easily by just rubbing my clit and thinking about loads of dirty stuff, but when it comes to having a clitoral orgasm in bed when im having sex, i find it really hard. i have to be totally submersed in thought about dirty things and cant just come over what is happening in bed.when i was about fifteen, my foster brother took advantage of his power over me and used me for his sexual needs. could this be why i find it so hard to come over a guy? i feel like in the back of my mind im thinking "this guy just wants to have sex with me he doesnt actually care" , even if i'm in a long term loving relationship. has anyone found this similar problem? id apreciate your thoughts on this, thankyouuuu:rolleyes:
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
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#2
MsPunK said:
I wanted to put this in clam bar but it be closed. basically, i was wondering if any other girls have the same problem i do. i can make myself come in bed really easily by just rubbing my clit and thinking about loads of dirty stuff, but when it comes to having a clitoral orgasm in bed when im having sex, i find it really hard. i have to be totally submersed in thought about dirty things and cant just come over what is happening in bed.when i was about fifteen, my foster brother took advantage of his power over me and used me for his sexual needs. could this be why i find it so hard to come over a guy? i feel like in the back of my mind im thinking "this guy just wants to have sex with me he doesnt actually care" , even if i'm in a long term loving relationship. has anyone found this similar problem? id apreciate your thoughts on this, thankyouuuu:rolleyes:
The foster brother situation is totally fucked up. And I think that's what's causing this, I have a close friend who was raped at 13 and she has some of the same issues you seem to be having.

You might want to seek psychotherapy.

But I will tell you this: Unlike almost every other man on the planet, I come quicker when the fantasy involves a relationship. The fucked up part is that real life people who I know have never gotten my juices flowing, not even random females in school who make me horny :eek:.
 

lady victoria

Too old for this shit!
Premium
2,867
39
187
#3
MsPunK said:
I wanted to put this in clam bar but it be closed. basically, i was wondering if any other girls have the same problem i do. i can make myself come in bed really easily by just rubbing my clit and thinking about loads of dirty stuff, but when it comes to having a clitoral orgasm in bed when im having sex, i find it really hard. i have to be totally submersed in thought about dirty things and cant just come over what is happening in bed.when i was about fifteen, my foster brother took advantage of his power over me and used me for his sexual needs. could this be why i find it so hard to come over a guy? i feel like in the back of my mind im thinking "this guy just wants to have sex with me he doesnt actually care" , even if i'm in a long term loving relationship. has anyone found this similar problem? id apreciate your thoughts on this, thankyouuuu:rolleyes:
First of all, you may need councelling if you have having intrusive thoughts about sex and your experiences with your foster brother, i would suggest that you visit your GP, he/she will refer you.

Secondly, clitoral orgasms are all about technique and your partner, they are much different to the ones you have discribed as easily achieving. You need to know eachothers bodies.
 

Piro

From appaled to applauding, controversy.
1,488
11
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#4
an orgasm is all about the mind with girls, if she aint in the mood it wont happen. if your fella cant get your juices flowing and bring excitement, then he's probably either doing a really bad job or you just cant get those thought out of your head (most likely) and you dont let yourself break lose to embrase the feeling. it's one or the other.
 

Noob

Banned - What an Asshat!
5,355
3
0
#5
If you're trying to make the guy happy, just fake them. If that isn't the case then I really don't know what to say. In the long run when you're married and you have kids that whole sitatuation won't really matter much.

The whole brother situation must suck, you have to watch out for the adopted ones, they're weirdos.
 

Bitch

Evil Fluffy says: I PEE IN YOUR SHOES!
Premium
2,755
934
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#6
Yes, I do think it's difficult for you to be completely comfortable with a guy since you were abused by a guy, especially a family member...someone you are supposed to feel trust and loved by. There are deep down feelings that will surface when a guy you do care about wants to share this very close intimate activity with you. The activity itself is going to bring up walls to keep you from feeling good about it. You are at least aware that this guy is a good man but you need to retrain your body to stop protecting you. I agree with Lady V about seeing a counsellor about this. Those feelings need to come out and to talk to someone that is a professional listenner will really help. Someone that can advise you on ways to clear your conscience and work through the past feelings of abuse.

What a horrible experience for you. A cousin...even worse! It's a shame when family takes advantage of their own relatives like that. It's sick! How brave you are for moving on with your life and trying to overcome those emotions!

Btw, the reason why you do feel very good when you masterbate is because you trust yourself completely. You know you won't hurt yourself and you certainly aren't going to take advantage of yourself. You have the postential of feeling good with another man, but you really will need to work through some of these past abuse feelings in order to be able to fully orgasm for your man.
 

magnolia

Postaholic
4,093
59
112
#7
It could partly have to do with what happened to you, but then again, I have the same trouble in bed. I don't know what to tell ya. I haven't figured out how to orgasm during sexual intercourse.
 

BklynCannonball

pffffffffffttttttttttt...
3,452
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#8
Could be all those things and then some. Try different positions. Two surefire ways are if you're on top and doggie style. You will come every time. ON top is obvious, doggie style 'cause of the added treat of balls slapping against clit.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
4,126
0
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#9
BklynCannonball said:
Two surefire ways are if you're on top and doggie style. You will come every time. ON top is obvious.
cowgirl every time.. doggy doesn't work every time.. IMO

the 'cowgirl' needs to be boss, if she needs the man to lay still she should say, if she wants him to play with her she should say.. best results are if she doesn't slide up and down but just sits with the cock fully in and grinds her clit on his pelvis..

from wiki..


Proponents of the cowgirl position say there are these advantages:
  • Both partners can see one another, and in particular the man can view and caress the woman's breasts while they are in a more natural position.
  • Often the man can delay his orgasm longer in this position.
  • The position is far less tiring for the man as he does not have to support his weight while also being physically active.
  • The woman may take a relatively static position, so that she does not tire (by supporting her upper body with her extended arms with her torso almost horizontal), while the man, not having to support his weight can be quite active without fatigue. This variation eases the strain of motion upon the woman's knees, which may be an advantage for some women.
  • The woman can control the depth, intensity and angle of penetration, and enjoy the dominant feeling of being in control.
  • The man can enjoy the relaxing and otherwise rare opportunity of reclining and receiving pleasure without physical strain.
  • The woman can easily stimulate her clitoris with her hand (if in the upright version).
  • The man can stimulate the woman's clitoris with his hand, though some find the thumb to be more comfortable.
  • If sitting upright, the woman can reach behind her to stimulate the man's testicles.
  • The man can caress the woman's buttocks and stimulate the anus.
  • In a variant position in which the woman is on top and leaning over the man, the man and woman can embrace and kiss while the man is penetrating the woman. He can also caress her breasts in the position.
  • If the man sits on a chair while the woman is in the cowgirl position, the man can suck or lick the woman's breasts.
if this doesn't work get another man, they do vary quite a lot.. ;)
 

MaxPower

You're my number two
Staff
16,857
3,351
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#12
sexy said:
If you're trying to make the guy happy, just fake them. If that isn't the case then I really don't know what to say. In the long run when you're married and you have kids that whole sitatuation won't really matter much.
The worst thing a girl can do is fake an orgasm. She has the right to have one, and the guy has a right to know what he needs to do to satisfy her. You being a guy, I'm sure you agree that you want your woman to look at you as the one that rocks her world. Too many women will fake orgasms in order to preserve their man's feelings/ego. She's only doing herself and him and injustice by doing so.

I know where you're coming from, but I have to agree with Lady Victoria, on the counseling issue. It's important to come to terms with your past, so that you can move on and grow. I know that's easy for me to say, not being in your shoes, but it's worth looking into.

I'd also like to add that MsPunK, you should talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how exactly to stimulate you during sex. One way is with the reacharound, he can stimulate your clit with his hand, while having sex with you. Or have you considered using a small vibrator on yourself while he's inside you? The combination of him hitting your G-Spot, and you using the vibrator on your clit can easily curl your toes. The kind of Orgasm that turns your legs to rubber.
 
3,050
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#13
well everyone has covered most of it. i have to agree with try different positions. are you rubbing your clit during sex? ever try using a fingure vibrator? just put that baby on your clit during sex and let the multiple orgasims flow. it really is a sweet ass experience. oh if you ever use one, do it doggie, with the fingure vibrator on your clit, just let me say damn.
about the foster bro. the fucker deserves a good beating, not the bar fight kind but american history x kind. i am truely sorry that that had to happen to you, no one deserves that. yes it probably is causing you to hold back during sex. you have to learn how your holding back and practice releasing. easier said then done. have you ever let down your walls and told your BF? maybe this may help. dunno. i used to fight my orgasims during sex too, but that little vibrator showed me the way. good luck in whatever choice you make.
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
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#14
MaxPower said:
The worst thing a girl can do is fake an orgasm. She has the right to have one, and the guy has a right to know what he needs to do to satisfy her. You being a guy, I'm sure you agree that you want your woman to look at you as the one that rocks her world. Too many women will fake orgasms in order to preserve their man's feelings/ego. She's only doing herself and him and injustice by doing so.

I know where you're coming from, but I have to agree with Lady Victoria, on the counseling issue. It's important to come to terms with your past, so that you can move on and grow. I know that's easy for me to say, not being in your shoes, but it's worth looking into.

I'd also like to add that MsPunK, you should talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how exactly to stimulate you during sex. One way is with the reacharound, he can stimulate your clit with his hand, while having sex with you. Or have you considered using a small vibrator on yourself while he's inside you? The combination of him hitting your G-Spot, and you using the vibrator on your clit can easily curl your toes. The kind of Orgasm that turns your legs to rubber.
Max, I'm totally with you on this. It's a woman's right to have an orgasm and therefore she shouldn't "play nice" to try to preserve her man's "ego."

It's rather funny how men can't take constructive criticism for sex. I mean, shit, it makes you better at it! The truth may hurt but the end justifies the means.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
4,126
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#15
Descent said:
Max, I'm totally with you on this. It's a woman's right to have an orgasm and therefore she shouldn't "play nice" to try to preserve her man's "ego."

It's rather funny how men can't take constructive criticism for sex. I mean, shit, it makes you better at it! The truth may hurt but the end justifies the means.
what is wrong with this picture?
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
4,126
0
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#17
actual descent artwork: from grade 10.

 

BklynCannonball

pffffffffffttttttttttt...
3,452
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#18
Descent said:
Max, I'm totally with you on this. It's a woman's right to have an orgasm and therefore she shouldn't "play nice" to try to preserve her man's "ego."

It's rather funny how men can't take constructive criticism for sex. I mean, shit, it makes you better at it! The truth may hurt but the end justifies the means.
Get laid already.
 

bait

Hoodrat
32
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#20
hey the number 1 thing that I cant stress enough with my girls is they gotta relax for gods sake. Im good so I can tell, but your boy, he probably just agitates you more when your not relaxed.

Do it the Canadian way, take it easy eh?