WTF ... IS WTF!?
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GL, HF! The Inter-Species Sex Story!

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Hella Constipated
EDIT: Read the whole thing to get to the funny parts.

Wondering what a Vasudan is?

Getting out of his trashed fighter, Ko'Yaan is frazzled. The longest battle he'd ever had to endure took

a toll on his Vasudan body. He wondered where his girlfriend was...after all, she'd been injured from a

nasty fall taken on the quarterdeck. He thought to himself, "I guess those 'Do not lean' signs are there

for a reason."

He went to the hospital unit, only to find her in bed, practically unconscious.

"Shit. I really wanted some ass tonight..."

Suddenly, he felt a small hand touch his asshole.

"WHOA!" The words bellowed through his squeaker, a device used to communicate with Terrans (Humans). It's

raspy, digitized voice bellowed through the entire room. He must have forgot to switch it off after the

last battle.

All of a sudden, he sees this small Terran nurse walk beside him. She couldn't have been more than five

feet tall, which was highly uncommon for a Terran in the year 2367. Ko'Yaan was seven feet tall, like

many other Vasundans he knew.

He was awestruck. She appeared to be a mix of Japanese and Irish descent. He took one look at the fiery

blue eyes and smiled.

Unlike other Vasudans, Ko'Yaan viewed Terrans as equals, not as inferiors. He engulfed himself in Terran

literature and history, and he loved being in their company. Terrans enjoyed him too, and he was the sole

stereotype breaker onboard the GTD Aquitaine.

No matter how much he loved Terrans, he couldn't understand why he was falling for one himself...Let alone

vice versa.

"Hey. Want to come back to my quarters?" She said, in a cute, high pitched voice.

Ko'Yaan popped a boner, well, if you could call it a boner. More like a fleshy tounge-like growth that

popped out from his torso.

He sucked it back in, and he replied in a very lusty "Yes..."

Two minutes later, back in her quarters, she started undressing.

It was at this point his Vasudan love-maker grew to a massive eight inches, and he really wanted a

sucking. Hell, an ass bang or two would have been great.

He took off his combat suit, and picked her up by the head with one hand. He lay down on the bed and put

her on his slimy, sweet smelling wanker.

"OHHH!" She screamed. She had never felt so pleasured in her life.

"Your amazing. It's so wet and juicy..."

"Penis?" Ko'Yaan said in a very curious tone.

"Oh, that's what us Terrans call your little tweeter pleaser."

"Ahhh, I see."

It was at this point his cum spurted out everywhere, blasting her bed, her tits, and her ass. More

importantly, her twat was filled fully.

"Are you a Mikado world champion?" She yelped.

"Why yes. Have you ever heard of the amazing Johnny Kuntz?" He responded.

"That's right! He was killed back in 2005 by a mob of angry moderators. Who was the one who killed him


"He went by the alias BRiT. Ironically, he was a Pollock."

"Much like Descent, the writer of this story. Well, part Pollock..."

"Shhhh! You're not supposed to break the fourth wall!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Let's carry on."

"No, I'm tired. Do you have a virtual mikado machine in your pocket?"

"Sorry. I wish I did."

"Hey, I've got an idea! Let's go read up on Rek1!"

"Rgr, lol!"

"I didn't know Vasudans spoke AOLer, let alone know what an AOLer is..."

"I don't. MaxPower has been spamming my inbox lately. You know, with stuff like, "Hey cutie! Want to

have wild alien buttseckz?! I R SO 1337."

"I have some of the spam right here!"

He took out his PDA, and connected to the interwebnetssuperinformationdirtroad. He went to WTF.COM, and

saw twenty new PM's from him, along with 15,000 new rep points that all had a winky face and an AIM dick

for the comment.

"Here's one. What the fuck?! UGH!"

An MSPainted pictured of MaxPower Goatseing the camera with the words:




"Oh, and here's another!"

Maxpower was fucking an Asian guy in the ass, whilst giving him a reacharound with the catcher's own shit.

It was GarnetXero.

The text:




"Hey! HavokChylde just PMed me!"

"HAVOK: Hey dude, I hear Max is trying to bone your tender little asshole.

Can I suck your dick while he does it?"

"I tell you, this forum is getting weirder by the day." Ko'Yaan said with disgust.


He opens it.

"Hey, we're having the annual WTF.COM get together tomorrow. Can you come? I bought a chastity belt for

Max and Havok, they won't be bothering you."

'REPLY: You sure 'bout that?!'

"Oh sorry honey, forgot you were there!"

She was sucking the cum out of her cunt with a rubber hose. At that point, he realized:

"WHOA! That's Yotaka! I just committed statuatory rape!"

"Don't worry, I won't tell ;)."

"Holy shit. Gotta bail!"

He jumped in his fighter, and took off towards the GVD Psamtik, where you can fuck anyone you want!

All of a sudden, BrainWashMonkey comes on the intercom.

"The pope wants you to give me a rimjob! Report to the flight deck at 12:10 sharp. You have your


"Since when did they promote you to Admiral?!"

"Ever since I gave the random Black guy in charge of command the best blowjob of his life. You ever try

using Smuckers?"


"It makes the penis tingle, and it makes your ordinary dick taste like cheese and grapes! You should try

it, it's amazing."

"Okay. So what do I need for this mission?"

"We've loaded your missle banks with Smuckers Jam. If you need to use a missle, we have an Estes model

rocket strapped to the bottom of your ship. You can press that button on the remote and it will fire."

"Does it have any explosives?"

"Yes. There's a bag of Descent's bed shit strapped to it."

"Great. Do I have lasers?"

"Yes, the generic ones. We can't spend too much."

"Well, okay. Entering subspace now!"


"gl, hf"

And so, with that, our hero sped into the night, awaiting what would be an amazing promotion back home.


Hella Constipated
FCC said:
Did you make those Vasudans up yourself? I still don't know what a Vasudan is.
No, the Vasudans are an alien species in FreeSpace 1 and 2. They are the funniest aliens next to the Covenants.

They look adorable from up close (Those are bad pictures!), but they talk in demented grunts, and they are arrogant as fuck.

They also sing little weird songs in their native toungues, wherever they want, for no reason :confused: .

Volition said:
After you take down a ship, and get an awesome kill:

Vasudan: Impressive, for a Terran.

Another quote:

Vasudan 1: It seems improbable that a warhead would have the force to demolish a structure of this size.

Vasudan 2: Particularly one of Terran design.

Vasudan 3: Alpha 2, that is incorrect. We are full partners in this enterprise.
I'll try to upload some sound bytes, the translator devices they wear crack you up :thumbsup: . It just ain't funny in text.
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