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Guys, want to understand women?

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#1
Too bad. You cant. I mean, you can certainly try. Here are few suggestions on how to try. *Please be advised that the chance of actually understanding the female gender is around 4%*

- When a woman asks you why you cannot put the toilet seat down when you are finished using it, ask her why she cannot put the toilet seat up when she is finished.

- Why do woman ask, "Does this [insert outfit here] make me look fat?" and get angry at whatever answer you give? Few males have been able to find the correct answer. Clearly it is not "yes" nor is it "no". Scientists have been working on this for over 3 centuries.

- A man is always expected to know when his girl is in the mood (yet girls wait for us to stand by the side of the bed naked with our kibbles n bits in our hands mumbling "can we do it now? can we do it now?"). The woman usually makes eye contact with either your eyes, or your kibbles n bits. Any eye contact elsewhere either means "this particular part of your body is getting fat" or "if you snore, im going to physically harm you here."

- Going to the bathroom in pairs. This I have always thought to be a government conspiracy, specifically intended to make men go into fits and thus keep capitalism alive by motivating competition.

- A woman will tell her man many deep dark secrets, yet get very mad at him when he blabs them to his friends. As a rule, women should always expect for every secret they tell to reach his friends by at least 10PM of the first night of drinking. If you didn't want his buddies to find out the odd clumps of hair you've sprouted on your toes, you shouldn't have told him in the first place.

- Why do women consistently choose to humiliate their men in front of his friends, but if he mentions something about her to her friends, everyone in the state that is related to her gangs up on you? She can make fun of your small feet in front of your friends who are on the football team, and they will all laugh at you. But when you mention the gaudiness of her handbag infront of her friends at the shopping mall, you better find the Men's Warehouse quick.
 
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#3
ChilianFuckFace said:
To be honest, NO. We just want to fuck them. :D
Sadly, I must agree.... I personally, don't give a shit about understanding them. Besides, man understanding them is a lost cause to begin with.
 

BklynCannonball

pffffffffffttttttttttt...
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#4
What heterosexual man do you know points out the "guadiness" of a woman's handbag?
 

littleone

the short crazy one
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Taylor_Blade said:
Sadly, I must agree.... I personally, don't give a shit about understanding them. Besides, man understanding them is a lost cause to begin with.
How the hell are you guys going to get it from us if you can't understand us first. Unless you're slipping something into our drink or unless we're a slut, you're not getting into bed with us. You got to appeal to our minds before you start looking appealing to us. Think about that.

I'm not asking for you guys to know exactly what we're thinking, I'm just asking you to know that we are. I've come to the understanding that girls think about things a lot more than guys. Girls will spend days thinking about what you did last Saturday, trying to figure out what you really meant by it. Whereas, guys won't give it a second thought the next day. Don't try to figure us out, try to understand that we're thinking about EVERYTHING and that we're emotional. So, watch out. :)
 
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#6
Fuck these attempts at understanding. There IS no understanding. Humans are morons and we'll never understand anything, we'll just make the same fucking mistakes over and over again, so fuck trying because trying is failing and failing is moronic.

I just don't even bother anymore.
 

littleone

the short crazy one
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TheLampIncident said:
Fuck these attempts at understanding. There IS no understanding. Humans are morons and we'll never understand anything, we'll just make the same fucking mistakes over and over again, so fuck trying because trying is failing and failing is moronic.

I just don't even bother anymore.
So. How are YOU doing with the ladies?
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#8
littleone said:
we're emotional. So, watch out. :)
erm, i think guys are getting pretty good at being 'emotional' too now.. ;)

 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
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littleone said:
How the hell are you guys going to get it from us if you can't understand us first. Unless you're slipping something into our drink or unless we're a slut, you're not getting into bed with us. You got to appeal to our minds before you start looking appealing to us. Think about that.
Hmmm, girls are easier to get into bed than you think. Even if they aren't a slut, or by using some drug. If a guy really wants a girl, he can get her. It has worked for me for years. Sometimes I don't even like the girls. And they fall for it. This is my experienced with girls.
 

lady victoria

Too old for this shit!
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#10
littleone said:
How the hell are you guys going to get it from us if you can't understand us first. Unless you're slipping something into our drink or unless we're a slut, you're not getting into bed with us. You got to appeal to our minds before you start looking appealing to us. Think about that.

I'm not asking for you guys to know exactly what we're thinking, I'm just asking you to know that we are. I've come to the understanding that girls think about things a lot more than guys. Girls will spend days thinking about what you did last Saturday, trying to figure out what you really meant by it. Whereas, guys won't give it a second thought the next day. Don't try to figure us out, try to understand that we're thinking about EVERYTHING and that we're emotional. So, watch out. :)
Bwhahaha i personally have never given much of dam as to if my partner "understands" me... do you really want to get into this head???? haha Personally I have trouble understanding myself most of the time...why would I want to put another human being through that lol. You will never ever truely know anyone...most of the time you will never understand them, but you don't need to that to love them.

Women think too much ...men don't think enough....LIFE.
 
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#11
littleone said:
So. How are YOU doing with the ladies?
I'm NOT dealing with them, I gave up years ago because I decided it wasn't worth it.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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lady victoria said:
Bwhahaha i personally have never given much of dam as to if my partner "understands" me... do you really want to get into this head???? haha Personally I have trouble understanding myself most of the time...why would I want to out another human being through that lol. You will never ever truely know anyone...most of the time you will never understand them, but you don't need to that to love them.

Women think too much ...men don't think enough....LIFE.
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to the infinitely wise lady victoria again.
 

Base

it's a motherfucker
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#13
I think my ex is becoming a lesbian. she's like always on about her flat mate, blah blah this and blah blah that and i miss blah blah oh i'm so happy blah blah is back, every fucking second :mad: . fuck, oh well. it annoys me quite abit, but then again she might not be. :confused:
 

lady victoria

Too old for this shit!
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#14
Base said:
I think my ex is becoming a lesbian. she's like always on about her flat mate, blah blah this and blah blah that and i miss blah blah oh i'm so happy blah blah is back, every fucking second :mad: . fuck, oh well. it annoys me quite abit, but then again she might not be. :confused:
Yes, I forgot having a close female friend makes you a lesbian. :rolleyes:
 

littleone

the short crazy one
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TheLampIncident said:
I'm NOT dealing with them, I gave up years ago because I decided it wasn't worth it.
So, lets get this straight. You're in little Rhode Island, curled up in the fetal position in the back corner of your room?


lady victoria said:
Women think too much ...men don't think enough....LIFE.
That's what I was trying to say. Sorry it took so many words. Forgive me, I'm female. A young one at that.
 

Base

it's a motherfucker
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#16
lady victoria said:
Yes, I forgot having a close female friend makes you a lesbian. :rolleyes:
Yeah, but it's like every single time we speak, it's blah blah this and blah blah that. I know friendship is important and good but she doesn't have to always talk about her and how brilliant she is and what they do together all the time. :happysad: my brain hurts :(
 

lady victoria

Too old for this shit!
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#17
Base said:
Yeah, but it's like every single time we speak, it's blah blah this and blah blah that. I know friendship is important and good but she doesn't have to always talk about her and how brilliant she is and what they do together all the time. :happysad: my brain hurts :(
Sounds like jealousy to me, you should be happy that she has someone like that in her life that she cares a great deal about.
 

Base

it's a motherfucker
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#18
lady victoria said:
Sounds like jealousy to me, you should be happy that she has someone like that in her life that she cares a great deal about.
Probably is. I mean i still fucking love her and it's just frustrating that I can't be the one she still cares about. Do you think i'm stupid for thinking that? honestly, am i? What should i do? just pretend that everything is a-ok?
Sorry, i'm being a selfish little shit. :(
 

littleone

the short crazy one
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#19
No.You're not being selfish Base. You're being a boyfriend who deserves some of her attention. Yes, her very good friend is awesome and she loves her to death. But I can see that you might be thinking that she thinks about her friend more than she thinks about you, understandable. On your part, not hers. Tell her your concerns. Only you and her can fix this problem, not us.
 

lady victoria

Too old for this shit!
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#20
Base said:
Probably is. I mean i still fucking love her and it's just frustrating that I can't be the one she still cares about. Do you think i'm stupid for thinking that? honestly, am i? What should i do? just pretend that everything is a-ok?
Sorry, i'm being a selfish little shit. :(
Its great that you love someone that much that you feel that way, however jealously is small quantities can be flattering ....but can get out of control, then you risk looking like an arsehole. I just think that your going to have to get things in perspective...she has a friend, they are close....shes not going to run off with her. I think you worrying that if she is not talking about you...and talking about her...that she cares less about you. Im certain that is not the case. If you are feeling insecure talk to her, you will probably end up laughing at yourself for feeling that way in the first place.