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Having a bad day?

CopyLifted

Funnier than a 5th grader
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I got this in my email from DG a little while ago. I text messaged her from work telling her that I was sick, so yeah, I was having a bad day. She gave me her cooties and this is how she tries to make me feel better? haha

Sorry, it's a long read. But it's pretty damn funny.


THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check out these actual cases.


Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male
was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully
clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the
coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control
the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with
very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the
site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific,
the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in
the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
___________________________________________

Still think you're having a bad day?


A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the
kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into
gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it
burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and
bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an
ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the
several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her
husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the
motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled
gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the
bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his
business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband
screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown
away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an
ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they
asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started
laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband
out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
______________________________________________

Still think you are having a bad day?


A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two
places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_______________________________________________

What?! STILL having a bad day??


Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It
came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb,
he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?
 

polaris_nine

Banned - What an Asshat!
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CopyLifted said:
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two
places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_______________________________________________

oh my gooshness thats the funniest thing ive heard all day.
 

Darklight

Oppressing your posts...
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#3
wow.... I love pain..
 
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Omfg the scuba diver dude hahahahaa! Funniest shit i've heard all night. Hmmm 0714 now and suns almost completely up, time to go to sleep. Hahahahhaha fuckin poor scuba man. LOL i feel so sorry for him. hahaha *Rep*
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#5
Good read :thumbsup:

Thanks CopyLifted and DustinzGirl.