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Here is some shit i wrote

BertMacklin

Fresh Meat
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There's a basement in the attic
Of my mind that causes panic
And despair
And so much stress
Makes my chest tight
Out of breath
There within lies
Many years
Of repressed childhood fears
A vicious strike
A screaming mouth
The sting of tears
An empty house
Mother's foot on brothers head
Her closed fist round my sister's hair
A pointed finger inches away
The longing for brighter days
The basement door
Its always open
I try to close it
But within
A monster pushes
Through the threshold
Tormenting me
and my kin
There will always be the fear
The hate
And her lies
The self loathing
And anxiety
Yearning to just die
I want to set it all on fire
Burn the basement
And it's dweller
But I fear
I would burn too
Leaving me nothing better
 
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Crazizniac

Particinator
Premium
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Pretty straight forward message well wrote. Keep digging for the why's and hows and your writing will mature. This is not a dig but an encouragement for a gutsy move.
 

Crazizniac

Particinator
Premium
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The literary imagery is great. You've managed to paint a pretty decent picture.
Yeah, I usually don't go back and read stuff twice but I've gone back to that one a couple of times. Like when you've been in an art museum too long and you're kind of hurrying to see some last pieces, then you find yourself going back to one, just because you needed to let your eyes see it for a few more minutes.

Kinda cool.
 

Myzyri

Hoodrat
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I read it a few times as well. At first I read it without seeing it. The second time I imagined every line. The picture isn't pretty, but life rarely is. I like it.
 
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