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Here's a fucked up little story I heard yesterday

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#1
(WARNING: POSSIBLY TOO GRAPHIC FOR YOUNGER PEOPLE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED)











I'm sitting on my sofa at about 2 in the morning, doing nothing, watching either Jerry Maguire or Bad Boys on TV, when my friends ethan and steph come walking in.

We start talking about mindless drivel... pointless chitchat, until Steph comes out of nowhere with a fucked up little tale:

Apparently, a freshman guy here took a freshman girl home from a party. After a little time fooling around, he starts to go down on her. He's doin his thing down there, when all of a sudden, he tastes something sweet.

"WTF" he thinks? He pulls out the sweet thing, turns out it was a jolly rancher. Now, I can leave you all to discuss why on EARTH a girl would think about shoving a jolly rancher into her cooter, but the story continues.

Now, any sober coherant person in this situation would take a step back, and say, "hey, do you know i just pulled a jolly rancher out of your vagina?" But no. This kid goes back down and eats her out again.

Well, needless to say, after a little while he comes across another "foreign" object down there that is hard. Thinking its another "candy", he bites down on it a little bit.

Turns out, this was no ordinary candy. It was a herpes sore, which exploded and sprayed nasty puss all over his face.

THE END.
 

ferengi

Yay fire!
2,089
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#2
Holy SHIT that's fucked up!











Who on Earth would waste a Jolly Rancher like that? So sad, so sad. :(
 
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:D lol indeed, i couldn't answer that, but sure laughed my ass off, poor poor bastard
bet you hes gonna think twice before he does that again :p
 

Skitch0o0

Put it in MY butt...
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#4
I got a BS and a Professional Ceriticate from college. I didn´t know that I should have gotten an STD too! I feel left out...
 

mmm...cheese

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#5
Well. . . thats very um... interesting.
But, I think the guy should have gone away when he found the jolly rancher.
Also, after he found the puss ball should have checked himself four harpes!
BUt does he have harpes?
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#6
I'm not sure, i dont know the guy or girl. My friend steph knew him.
 

LiberatioN

Trance Addict
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#8
I think that session would haunt me for the rest of my life. :(
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#9
that is sooo cool! He found a jolly rancher!

Tb, seriously, thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for sharing. Now, im going to go puke.
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#10
your welcome. Need somebody to hold your hair back?
 

tzedek

Original Member
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#11
how did they find out about what happened to me!?!?!? :mad:
 
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#12
yeahhhh .. meh jaaw eh sill onna floor .. beh bak wehn I can speak
 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#13
Wow that was sick. I regret reading that. I do not think I can go down on a girl for a while... ok, I am ready now.
 

Sektor

Particinator
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#14
Ugh. Just...


Ugh. That was funny, though.
 

Bullshyt

Devil Without A Cause
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#15
Exactly the reason why you don't trust any girls with jolly ranchers in her cootch. There is always a really bad catch for why somebody would just waste that jolly rancher, and damn them herpes too!
 

Skitch0o0

Put it in MY butt...
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#16
mmm...cheese said:
Well. . . thats very um... interesting.
But, I think the guy should have gone away when he found the jolly rancher.
Also, after he found the puss ball should have checked himself four harpes!
BUt does he have harpes?
Yaargh!!! Beware the HAR-pes, me mateys! They´ll looore ya asunder and pluck out ye eye balls! Why´s do ya thinks I wear this haer patch?
 

chucktheskiffie

Way too hyper...
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#18
is a jolly rancher supposed to be a bush remedy for herpes?? is that why it was up there??

Also, aren;t jolly ranchers hard?? what was he doing biting on a hard candy... he could lose a tooth like that.

perhaps it was a lesson handed down by the sex/dentist gods - they were telling him not to bite hard candy, and not to eat chicks with sores around their mouths...
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#19
That kid will never be able to eat Jolly Ranches again.

Eww.
 

Bullshyt

Devil Without A Cause
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#20
I don't think he will ever be able to a eat another girl out either. Paranoia would definitely be a risk, goddamn. Them candyasses these days...