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How NOT to Woo a Woman

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#1
(Not sure if this belongs here or in Life Sucks)

Stupid lines and bitchy responses, just cause I'm in a bad fucking mood and I miss the Clam Bar. :(


Guys: Please don't be offended. These comments are not directed towards all men. These are directed towards some guys I have met and who have proven themselves to be bullshitters.


1. "You have such a cute/pretty/nice smile."

That's nice, bullshitter, but I never smiled at you.


2. "I can tell you're smart."

You can tell I'm smart after only knowing me for two minutes? Wow! You know what? You're right, I am smart. In fact, I'm so smart I'm going to avoid you for the rest of the night.


3. "Ooh, I like 'em fiesty."

Right. I care about what you like. That's why I've been giving you my patented Death Stare all night. I'm twelve years old and I'm mean to boys I like. Whatever.


4. "Why aren't you dancing?"

Cause that will just give you yet another cheap excuse to attempt copping a feel. :mfinger:


5. "You don't look like you're having a good time."

Maybe that's cause you're in my face, your breath smells sour, and you're sweating all over me. Back the fuck off.


6. "Don't you like guys? Are you gay?"

Hmm....no. But now that I've met you I'm considering it.


7. "You look just like this girl I know."

Wonder if she finds you as annoying as I do......


8. "So where's your boyfriend?"

UGH!! If you want to know if I have a boyfriend just. fucking. ask.


9. "You're too pretty/cute to be here by yourself."

Maybe that means I choose to be here by myself and want to be LEFT THE FUCK ALONE.


10. "That's a nice necklace. What is that?"

Your excuse to look at my chest, apparently.




Ladies, share some of your own. Or guys. You're welcome to share, too. :happysad:
 

Nailbomb

I'm just really nice.
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#2
Hmm? What was that? I was busy admiring your necklace.
 

Darklight

Oppressing your posts...
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#3
your father must of been a master thief.. because he stole the twinkle from the stars and put it into your eyes..
 

Slacker

Postaholic
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#4
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
 

JLXC

WTF's Official Conspiracy Fanatic
Premium
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#5
The problem zoloft is that stupid women do fall for that shit, which is why guys do it. Some women also seem to like guys who act like cocky assholes, actually quite a few seem to. So many men use that approach too. If you're trying to get laid the cocky asshole approach is the only way to go. Even if only 1 in 5 women fall for it, there may be 30 women in the place. I've never used this approach, but I've seen it used over and over and over, and it works like magic.

The truth is that a woman has made up her mind about you by the time you approach her. So no matter what a guy says it's like this.

1. You thought he was attractive for some reason, money, looks, whatever (girls are shallow too) so whatever he says is taken with a grain of salt, you might let him talk a bit more before hanging himself.

2. You decided he was a bum so if he says the exact same sentance as the guy in the number 1 example, he's a gross freak hitting on you.

So it never hurts to try, because who knows what the fuck a woman is thinking, until you ask.
 

Brain Spout

Wizard No More
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#7
is that a mirror in your pocket, because i can see myself in your pants

i lost my teddy bear, can you keep me company
 

keebs

Particinator
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#8
zoloftcasserole said:
10. "That's a nice necklace. What is that?"

Your excuse to look at my chest, apparently.
ah damn i think they're onto me.:(
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#9
/me crosses 10 items off of his "list".
 

wootness

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#11
stupid line:

" i seem to have lost my number can i borrow yours? "

good line:

" YOUR SO HOT YOU MAKE HEAT MELT! "
 

diamond

The nice guy
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#13
MAN AT A BAR: Common Honey, you know we both want the same thing
WOMAN: You're right. Lets get drunk and chat up some chicks
 

Darklight

Oppressing your posts...
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#14
thats a nice blouse.. It would look even better on my floor tommorow morning...

you must be jamacan... because you jamacan me crazy...

You like history? well pretend my pants are normandy and invade...

hey baby... wanna go for some coffee or should we jut skip to the sex?
 
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#15
I swear to you my friend used this and it was the funniest thing I have ever seen.
"Hey there, I'm Carlos....You know what would really look nice on you? My nuts on your chin." Proceeded by a punch to the nose and a kick to his nuts. Then the bouncer through him out. It was fucking hilarious. He has also tried the same thing changing buts to a pearl necklace.....
 

BklynCannonball

pffffffffffttttttttttt...
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#16
JLXC said:
The problem zoloft is that stupid women do fall for that shit, which is why guys do it. Some women also seem to like guys who act like cocky assholes, actually quite a few seem to. So many men use that approach too. If you're trying to get laid the cocky asshole approach is the only way to go. Even if only 1 in 5 women fall for it, there may be 30 women in the place. I've never used this approach, but I've seen it used over and over and over, and it works like magic.

The truth is that a woman has made up her mind about you by the time you approach her. So no matter what a guy says it's like this.

1. You thought he was attractive for some reason, money, looks, whatever (girls are shallow too) so whatever he says is taken with a grain of salt, you might let him talk a bit more before hanging himself.

2. You decided he was a bum so if he says the exact same sentance as the guy in the number 1 example, he's a gross freak hitting on you.

So it never hurts to try, because who knows what the fuck a woman is thinking, until you ask.

Stupid women don't exist. :p

And no, it's not them falling for anything. It's them playing along so they can get what they want. Men do it to. It's a silly fucking game that bores me so I don't play it.

By the way Zoloft...nice necklace!;)
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
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#17
Well Z, my favorite was the one my friend Renata had used on her. Her reply was great.

I was out with her and her friend Sarah. Anyway, this guy comes up to Sarah and asks her to dance, she politely says "No thanks."

He turns to Renata (who was a very sweet woman in general) and with this stupid look says "Ok, would YOU like to dance?"

Her response was classic: "What is this? Fucking Pick and choose night? Or am I just the fucking backup plan? You can't get her so you'll ask the other chick? How about this asshole... you go get a haircut, loose about 25 pounds, grow a spine, stop living with your mom and loose that retro 70's gold chain around your neck. Oh, and next time try NOT to bathe in the Kmart special aftershave. Have a nice night. Get hit by a car or something."

I think she was tired of pickup lines and greasball guys hitting on her all night.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#19
Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.

Do you want to see something swell?

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.

I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.

So, you're a girl huh?

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.

Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

My love for you is like diaharrea, I just can't hold it in

Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you've got nice eyes.

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?
 

BklynCannonball

pffffffffffttttttttttt...
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#20
Or just go for the straight approach, and we've all heard this one...
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?