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How to tell if your child is a gothic hell spawn

Jung

???
Premium
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#1
http://gwensoul.blogspot.com/2005/01/you-might-be-goth-if.html
-Presented by St. Mary's Church:

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
(WTF??)
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center
This is why I can't take most Christians seriously.
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#2
I saw this guy on tv today that was so adamant about getting "our" people into the supreme court....They kept talking about how people like sandra day o'connor were the down fall of "our" society....I waited a while to find out who "we" were and it turns out that this is a televangelist type guy who wants money to lobby for more "christian" legislation....I called the number and got the "Our Lord baptist this or that" church and I ask the lady "I just saw a spot on tv with this guy who wants a purely christian supreme court...is this shit for real?!" she says "Yes sir, we need more responsible upstanding christians in government....and i'll thank you not to use that kind of language."

I seriously cant believe they just grouped philosophy, hinduism, and buddhism into cult religions.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
pure comedy gold....this is one line that makes me think its not real.
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,998
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487
#4
bigck3000 said:
pure comedy gold....this is one line that makes me think its not real.
I thought the same thing, and it did come from a blog, so there's no telling. I didn't bother to check it's validity though, because it's amusing either way.
 

magnolia

Postaholic
4,093
61
112
#5
ok, whoever wrote that is insane. There's a little saying i like a lot. Jesus doesn't want religeous nuts. Well, i think that the guy or gal who wrote that falls under the category of "religeous nut".
 

ferengi

Yay fire!
2,089
2
102
#6
-Plays videos games that contains violence
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
According to this, I'm a goth!!!
WOW, HOODA THUNK IT?
Guess I better cart my own ass down to the mental asylum. :( :rolleyes:
 

Jeranamo

Tenderony
180
0
0
#7
ferengi74656 said:
According to this, I'm a goth!!!
WOW, HOODA THUNK IT?
-Plays videos games that contains violence
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Guess I better cart my own ass down to the mental asylum. :( :rolleyes:
So wait a minute... you DONT masturbate?
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
191
0
#9
Holy shit thats me!!! Now, what about my kids?
 

Woodreaux

Original Dicksman
2,429
1
0
#10
dustinzgirl said:
Holy shit thats me!!! Now, what about my kids?
Your kids? You've probably delivered them unto Satan by feeding them Count Chocula and allowing them access to corrupt media! You must:

... seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations...
Alleluya! Please the Lord!
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
191
0
#11
well, Im spiritual but not christian, so pray is something I do quite frequently, but, counceling is expensive and my parents are more misguided than I. Wonder what they would say about that. Accordingly, I would only have a 30% chance of spiritual survival. My kids are just doomed. LOL. What a crock of shite.
 

Hells_angel

Ruler of the underworld
302
0
0
#12
Well I will be damned. All of that is me. Well except for the bi part. Well point me out why don't you. hehe. What the fuck is up with all the steriotyping neways. thats fucked :sword: :p
 

Jeranamo

Tenderony
180
0
0
#13
LOL, I got this from the same blog, it was one of the comments.
Chris Rachael Oseland said...
Five or more means trouble, eh? Well, I suppose we'd better start rounding up Catholic Priests for being too gothy because from what I've seen, they're guilty of:

Dresses all in black
Wears odd jewelry
Drinks Alcohol
Associates with people who dress or behave oddly
Requests time alone and quietness

Perhaps this is a new Catholic recruiting scheme. Get the quiet kids who like to read and dress in black to take it on as a career choice - you too can be a Priest.
 

swizeguy

How dare you!?
912
0
0
#14
Thats crazy.. i cant believe some parents do that.. Here's one I found along the same lines saying when your son is a "hacker"
 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
2,186
1
0
#15
swizeguy said:
Thats crazy.. i cant believe some parents do that.. Here's one I found along the same lines saying when your son is a "hacker"
Quote from the article: "I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read."

If my parents ever did that. I would have killed them! :mad:
 

swizeguy

How dare you!?
912
0
0
#16
ChilianFuckFace said:
Quote from the article: "I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read."

If my parents ever did that. I would have killed them! :mad:
haha agreed!
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,998
2,267
487
#17
swizeguy said:
Thats crazy.. i cant believe some parents do that.. Here's one I found along the same lines saying when your son is a "hacker"
That's a satire site; all their "articles" are just sarcastically making fun of their topics. I read that article, and it's all tongue in cheek.
 

skylinec

Somewhere in the Between
3,192
0
36
#18
Presented by St. Mary's Church:

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

[Yes]-Frequently wears black clothing.
[No]-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
[No] -Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
[No] -Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
[No] -Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
[Yes]-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
[Yes] -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
[No] -Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
[Yes] -Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
[No]-Takes drugs.
[No] -Drinks alcohol.
[No] -Is suicidal and/or depressed.
[No] -Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
[Yes] -Complains of boredom.
[Yes] -Sleeps too excessively or too little.
[No] -Is excessively awake during the night.
[No] -Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
[Yes] -Spends large amounts of time alone.
[No] -Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
[No] -Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
[No] -Misbehaves at school.
[No] -Misbehaves at home.
[No] -Eats excessively or too little
[No] -Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
[No] -Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
[Yes] -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
[Yes] -Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
[Yes] -Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
[Yes] -Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
[No] -Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
[No] -Expresses an interest in sex.
[No] -Masturbates.
[Yes] -Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
[No]-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
(WTF??)
[No] -Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
[No]-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center
Though you know its sad when it says "Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)" Bulshit. But most I answered no!
 
#19
I just went to that link. Honestly I don't believe it's real, but it still makes me want to shoot myself.