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I haven't changed that much

supposedtabeme

The Skinny One
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#1
I found some stuff I wrote two years ago and woah..I got really depressed.

I fell in love with the wrong guy, felt no one loved me and, of course, wanted to be a vegetable and just lie on my bed the hole day after school.

Again, I fell in love with the wrong guy, I still feel no one loves me and instead of being a vegetable I go out pass out drinking and smoke.


I thought I grew up a little more..maybe I have but I can't see it.
 

Smoke

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#2
I'm positive you have grown up from those bad experiences. :thumbsup:
 

icka

fuckoffanddiekthx!
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#3
sometimes you need to puch yourself to change!
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#4
icka said:
sometimes you need to puch yourself to change!
I hate being depressed, but you're always growing.

As Grouch and Eligh say, "I've been down this road before, I'm gonna drive it again, survive it again."

Don't worry. Things pan out.
 

supposedtabeme

The Skinny One
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#5
I know it does. I have changed in a lot of things; the point is that it doesn't matter how much I change in the oh so many aspects of my life...I always feel the same. Empty, depressed and lonely, and it doesn't matter how much I try to be happier I always go back to the exact same point.

So I have changed but I haven't at the same time.

I have changed a lot of my behaving, taste, mentality, some friends, things to read and things to do among so much other things.

But I haven't changed in a bit about how I feel about things around me or even about myself.
 

icka

fuckoffanddiekthx!
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#6
supposedtabeme said:
I know it does. I have changed in a lot of things; the point is that it doesn't matter how much I change in the oh so many aspects of my life...I always feel the same. Empty, depressed and lonely, and it doesn't matter how much I try to be happier I always go back to the exact same point.

So I have changed but I haven't at the same time.

I have changed a lot of my behaving, taste, mentality, some friends, things to read and things to do among so much other things.

But I haven't changed in a bit about how I feel about things around me or even about myself.

why do you need to change so badly? what do you feel is so wrong with you? you are who you are and sometimes these things cannot be changed. have you thought about a therapist or possibly medication?
 
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#7
i agree with icka, what are you trying to acheive by changing yourself? why can't you be who you are and make something of it? are you trying to impress somebody? the only reason why anyone is ever depressed is because they make it that way, it's all about perception. learn to see the light of things.
 

Signify

Particinator
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#8
a bit of reflection never hurts. im sure you have changed, its hard for yourself to notice because you spend, well, every day yourself....
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#9
supposedtabeme said:
I know it does. I have changed in a lot of things; the point is that it doesn't matter how much I change in the oh so many aspects of my life...I always feel the same. Empty, depressed and lonely, and it doesn't matter how much I try to be happier I always go back to the exact same point.

So I have changed but I haven't at the same time.

I have changed a lot of my behaving, taste, mentality, some friends, things to read and things to do among so much other things.

But I haven't changed in a bit about how I feel about things around me or even about myself.
it is common, as i am assuming you are in school somewhere, for someone to feel like you do. Im pretty sure most college kids and younger feel that way. In my estimation, feelings like this either:

a) gradually fade over time, when the pressures of functioning as an adult in the real world take over
b) they own up to the fact that perhaps there is a chemical imbalance, or lack of inspiration/initiative/whatever that causes them to act in such a way. They probably turn to drugs. (Medication, that is, not cocaine or anything).
 

PantherNews

Newsroom Thats Pissed!!
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#10
I know exactly where you are coming from. In fact I was in that place not too long ago. Everything seemed to be going downhill and nothign was going my way. Last winter I was suicidal, fortunately I decided to shave off all of my hair (which was down past my shouldblades at the time) instead of self destructing. I felt unloved by everyone, that I didnt matter. I am still not sure what changed in me that made it go away. I think it has to do with the new friends that I started hanging around with. They actually cared about and wanted to know how I was doing, made me feel special and like I mattered, which I hadn't felt in a long time. I wouldn't worry about it too much, it will fade and go away. Just hang in there and know that there are always people out there who care and love you for who you are, you just have to look in the right places.
 

supposedtabeme

The Skinny One
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#11
icka said:
do you need to change so badly? what do you feel is so wrong with you? you are who you are and sometimes these things cannot be changed. have you thought about a therapist or possibly medication?
I just don't feel happy nor good about anything. I know who I am, I don't have special problems with myself; just with some facts of my life and maybe some people I have to treat.

Omicronic said:
i agree with icka, what are you trying to acheive by changing yourself? why can't you be who you are and make something of it? are you trying to impress somebody? the only reason why anyone is ever depressed is because they make it that way, it's all about perception. learn to see the light of things.
I want to achieve the not feeling so bad every day, it shouldn't be so hard. I don't want to impress anyone; people seem to like me the way I am, not the why I could try to look or anything else. It's not something so explainable as you'd think.

Darkness Reaper said:
a bit of reflection never hurts. im sure you have changed, its hard for yourself to notice because you spend, well, every day yourself....
Maybe, but I don't feel that way.

tbsrk said:
t is common, as i am assuming you are in school somewhere, for someone to feel like you do. Im pretty sure most college kids and younger feel that way. In my estimation, feelings like this either:

a) gradually fade over time, when the pressures of functioning as an adult in the real world take over
b) they own up to the fact that perhaps there is a chemical imbalance, or lack of inspiration/initiative/whatever that causes them to act in such a way. They probably turn to drugs. (Medication, that is, not cocaine or anything).
Bad assumption, I'm at the uni already. I'm almost treated as an adult here. I hate to say this but this is not USA, it is not the same growing up here (Venezuela) than growing up there. I'd hate to think I have a chemical inbalance, I don't want to be drugged to feel better, there must be other choices.

PantherNews said:
know exactly where you are coming from. In fact I was in that place not too long ago. Everything seemed to be going downhill and nothign was going my way. Last winter I was suicidal, fortunately I decided to shave off all of my hair (which was down past my shouldblades at the time) instead of self destructing. I felt unloved by everyone, that I didnt matter. I am still not sure what changed in me that made it go away. I think it has to do with the new friends that I started hanging around with. They actually cared about and wanted to know how I was doing, made me feel special and like I mattered, which I hadn't felt in a long time. I wouldn't worry about it too much, it will fade and go away. Just hang in there and know that there are always people out there who care and love you for who you are, you just have to look in the right places.
I have good friends, that's the problem!! I have this great friend with whom I studied, did theater and we volunteer together at the red cross. He broke his nose yesterday and I was with him the hole time and he always does that kind of things for me. His girlfriend is my friend to, a great one. I study with two great person who I teel everything and thel tell me everything. It can't be that, I'm sorry.
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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#12
Do you have up days and down days?

If so, look for any little thing that makes for an up day or a down day, and try to replicate it. Could be the music you wake up to, the underwear you have on (I know I have lucky boxers), anything that you don't think of.

I know it's a kind of superficial answer, but Iunno... it works for me. I have a lot more up days than down days now (about 50/1ish).
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#13
supposedtabeme said:
Bad assumption, I'm at the uni already. I'm almost treated as an adult here. I hate to say this but this is not USA, it is not the same growing up here (Venezuela) than growing up there. I'd hate to think I have a chemical inbalance, I don't want to be drugged to feel better, there must be other choices.
Im sorry, I automatically assumed you were in the US. And, you can't really choose if it is a chemical imbalance or not.. sometimes you just gotta play the hand youre dealt. If medication can clear up what ails you, I see no reason why it shouldn't be a viable option.