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I just Don't know..

Paris

Space Monkey
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#1
I really don't know. I have done everything in my power to do the right thing, to be the perfect daughter. I have done everything my mum has told me to do, without question.

It would have to be tonight. I tell my little dog, who has a skin problem, so she is crazy and stratches all the time. I did that one thing, and my mum went off. She stomped out of the room, picked up the dog and placed the little thing out side. She then started to yell, and I mean yell at anyone who is around. Nothing was out of limits. Its like my mum is trying to push everyone away. I now think because my mum anger problem, my parents are now on the divorce road, and going full spead ahead, with no off-ramps.

I can kinda see why my dad would leave. Hell if your wife bitched at you non stop. Complained about everything you did. Nothing was ever right..

But I always thought my mum really liked me. Hell she is the one person that I always looked up to, when I was younger. I never thought I would see the day, when she told me to my face to get out. Hell it hurt. I tried everything I know to do.

I think she might be pushing all of her childern away for something, but I don't know what. Hell she has Seizers, she can't drive, and no longer can really live on her own. The main reason she can't manage money anymore. I am the one that has to go do the shopping, if you place her in a store, its like a kid in Toys R Us. Watch out!

I thought I had done everything right. I made sure she had her meds, was in bed by a good hour. Made sure she did not miss an appt to her doctors. Found her a Nero Doctor to see. Made sure the house was clean, the laundary up most of the time. Dinner cooked by 7:30pm.

I have placed my own life on hold to make sure she is taken care of, but I thought thats what childern did for their parents, take care of them, when they no longer could. I know its kinda early for me to be taken care of my mum, she is only 40. I myself am only 20. I don't wish to see her placed in a home.

I have to sit and think at the same time, what did I do wrong? Is that wrong of me to think? Should I be more concerned about myself, and not the welfare of the people around me.

I just don't know..

Paris
 

JLXC

WTF's Official Conspiracy Fanatic
Premium
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#2
First off, if you're doing all those things and this is what you get, she is extremely ungrateful. Some folks react with a near insane anger when life finally pushes them in the corner. They'll kick anyone close, and generally just behave in an asshole fashion, which in turn does make everyone leave them, and then they are more miserable. She could be doing this. If so there is little you can do except to suggest she go to therapy.

Next, it's a parents job to raise children to have their own lives. Any parent who raises kids so that they can take care of the parent all their lives is not a parent, they are a slave trainer. Parents want their kids to lead healthy and happy lives of their own. Remeber that, especially when you try to beat yourself up with guilt. As a kid it's your job to get a life of your own, and live it. Not to give it all up to spend all your time taking care of a sick parent. That's my opinion, and I doubt I am remotely alone. Some help to the parents is great! Abandoning life for it is NOT.

so my suggestion is that if she wont seek therapy, then you do what's right for you. Yep, I said it. If you REALLY want to give up your whole life to someone who may be undergoing a serious breakdown, then more power to ya. You don't have to feel guilty if you decide to actually have your own life either, that's the whole reason for raising kids.

Good luck with whatever path you take.
 

gummi_

Tenderony
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#3
Largely i agree with what JLXC said. You need to have your own life, otherwise you have nothing to look forward to, to get up for everyday. No motivation i spose you could say.

In that kind of situation, the potential for insult etc for you choosing to instead lead your own life, would be pretty large, but you have to look past the whole 'im being selfish' aspect, as JLXC said. You need to be happy yourself, and if not being there for your mum 24/7 is a part of acheiving that happiness, then thats it. Dont complicate things with 'what if's' ... its as simple as that. You need to be happy to.

If she is pushing people away, then there isnt alot you can do for her. Therapy, as suggested, may be an option. Other than that, which in itself is a slim chance because chances are she wont listen, there isnt much left... you can wait and hope that after her support network gives way and people are no longer there when she needs it, that she'll have a revelation and miraculously change, but i doubt that will happen.

Your 20 years old, and as such should already have begun to create a life of your own. In fact, you should be living it, these are some of the best years of your life. Its great that youve helped and been there for your mum, but its now time to look out for yourself, and to do what you want.

Good luck, i hope everything works out for you.
 

YUCK FOU!!!

Critical Update Notification Tool.
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#4
the best way to do would to get her care, and still visit her as much as you can, she needs the help, and you need to be able to establish yourself a career and things similar, your only young...
 

raverel

Flame Bait
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#5
i think that you should take kare of your own life first then help others. when you won't be abel to help yourself do you realy think that you could help the people near you? i realy do not think that is possible. think about this cause it realy is your whole life at stake. be careful on what you do
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
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#6
Ok, so I mostly agree with what the other folks have said. But having been on that road I'm going to say it in my own special way.

From what you described it sounds like your mom is suddenly having some serious health issues. Maybe not terribly suddenly but I get the idea that these issues haven't been a part of her life for all that long. That said, she's lashing out. She's loosing something, control, herself or who knows what and she's afraid. And like most criters, humans tend to lash out in anyway they can when cornered by fear.

While that may be the case, the problem is that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. If she needs your help what good are you if you need help yourself? For your own sake I'd suggest getting some space, and more importantly, getting to a therapist of your own. You can't fix your mom but you shouldn't break yourself trying to help her either.

And what about your dad? Can you talk to him about it? I know he's probably not in a great spot himself but he IS the dad in this situation.