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I Lack a Title

Icarus

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#1
I don't want to do that cliche untitled thing, I just don't have a title :D

Writing lyrics for my friend's band:

My carpet is good at hiding dust,
And my heart hides love just the same,
Search our lives for different matches,
It's nothing like google.

The county fair never told a lie,
Fun and games are all they own.

Hush off to sleep,
You know you're safe in this house,
But there's only one sherrif in this town.

I'm sorry about the error of my ways,
But apologizing is easier than changing.
It always has been,
And I'm sorry for that too.

Do things always end this way? Or is it me?
Jiminy Cricket always said,
The human race was better off dead,
Or at least that's what he told me in my dreams.
I'll wake up and roll over to you.

Chorus:
Hey! They're not us and we'll never be them.
Hey! I'm not a good lover or a very good friend.
Hey! You can never wash down the drain.
Hey! That's what they told me before I got wet.

Conflicting visions on second opinions,
My optometrist longs for more.
It's natural,
When everything he sees is an eyesore.

Parsley makes it fancy,
Yes the dinner looks great.
The flesh on my fork,
And the look on your face.
I see I'm not welcome here.
I understand and I'm on my way.

I'm still my own person.
The battle hasn't been lost.
The temperature eliminates
The last of our smiles.
Where did our childhood go?
I never asked when I had the chance.

My conscience is heavy,
And the air's feeling thick.
Birds fly in slow motion.
The guilt is overwhelming.
I see I'm not welcome here.

2x Chorus
 
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#2
Interesting song. The flow seems to need a few minor adjustments. Though, it is always hard to tell when reading music. The structure is fairly good. The tone is alright, and goes well with the tempo. However, the emotion of this seems to be so-so at best.

Overall: This could definitely use some adjustments. It’s not terrible, but it could seriously be a lot better. It's got its good parts, and its bad parts.

:thumbsup: :thumbsdn:
 

Icarus

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6,775
251
118
#3
Taylor_Blade said:
Interesting song. The flow seems to need a few minor adjustments. Though, it is always hard to tell when reading music. The structure is fairly good. The tone is alright, and goes well with the tempo. However, the emotion of this seems to be so-so at best.

Overall: This could definitely use some adjustments. It’s not terrible, but it could seriously be a lot better. It's got its good parts, and its bad parts.

:thumbsup: :thumbsdn:
Well, "mixed" is kind of the point. It's patterned (at the singer's request) after a group we both love, The Long Winters. The goal was more emulation than actual "being good"-ness.

Thanks for the feedback!