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I'm a pervert, need help!

Discussion in 'Life Sucks' started by Not your enemy, Aug 31, 2008.

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  1. Not your enemy

    Not your enemy Flame Bait

    Ok, to start things off, im a sick twisted fuck. Im 20 years old and i had disgusting fantasies as long as i can remember. Now most people think about weird stuff and never act it out, but im different. What troubles me is that these fetishes i have, taken over my personality. I have difficulty controlling my actions. I dont like women nor do i understand them. When i am having sex i receive gratification from causing pain to my partner, it arouses me allot. My other fetish problems seem disgusting even to the most deranged mind. Like women and animals etc...

    All of the people that know me have no idea about my psychological problems. What they notice is that i haven't had a girlfriend for a long time. I use private escorts to satisfy myself once in a while. My problems became apparent to me after i graduated from high school and went to university.

    Two years ago i moved to another city to work and go to school and lived by myself. Now im back because these two years have been the creepiest and scariest time of my life. I have virtually went insane and drowned in the internet porn/filth industry while sitting at home. My shitty little apartment was like a little private personal hell.

    I left my apartment only to go to work/lecture and groceries, and laundry. Remaining time i spent going insane. I have difficulty recalling facts about my last two years. Sometimes i couldn't tell if i was sleeping or awake. I would wake up in strange places doing strange things. When i was sleeping i had fucked up dreams about monsters eating me or some shit. I would chase monsters around the room in my dreams and then wake up in a middle of hallway or something.

    I even think i had some sort of delusions. I had this pinching feeling all over my body. I though those were skin parasites or something. That really wrecked my nerves to the point where i didn't sleep for days. I abused sleeping pills and alcohol during that period. Had sex with prostitutes etc... How i managed to get through university and keep a job is beyond me.

    Anyway, now i moved in back with my parents. All the crazy stuff is now gone. However, i still have the same problems, only now they are hidden.

    I still cant read social cues very well. Flirting with girls gives me a headache and makes me mad. I dont know how to respond properly in social situations, i can fake behavior but im not really good at it. I have an idea of what kind of behavior people expect from me but i cant replicate it because i doesnt happen naturally. Like when watching a movie, be it comedy, action or horror, i look at other people's reactions and will try to mimic them. I generally have a correct view of the world, as in what is right and wrong, but i cant react to most things correctly.

    For example, some girls like to hug, some dont. You need to figure out what they like before you do anything. So i usually ask, or do it anyway to see what happens. I get in trouble allot for these things as you can understand.

    Part of my problems come from sexual frustration i guess. Drinking and mental illness follows suit. I really dont know how to keep myself from dieying. I cant talk to anyone about my problems because i dont even know where to start explaining my situation.
    • Hugs Hugs x 1
  2. dustinzgirl

    dustinzgirl Banned - What an Asshat!

    Worry less about girls and more about getting a job and being a grown up.

    Seek therapy.

    Fetishes are fine as long as they are between two consenting adults. Otherwise, seek therapy. PS: Animals can not consent.

    Also, this is so not the place to look for advice on how to fix your sexual issues.
  3. Jack

    Jack Personable

    Well, your post here seems like it would be a fine start, don't you agree? I think you may need a little tweaking, buddy. You should search for a therapist who specializes in...your behavior.

    Or, be a man and bury that shit as deep as it'll go.

    Good luck.
  4. ready_aim_rock

    ready_aim_rock The Bringer of NIght

    Find help, dude. Nobody deserves this kind of pain, and you may do something you regret sooner or later. There are people who have gone through the same thing, and the most important thing is to help yourself.
  5. dustinzgirl

    dustinzgirl Banned - What an Asshat!

    I'd start with lithium for the tweaking.

    Just kidding.

  6. Not your enemy

    Not your enemy Flame Bait

    I have periods where i can get my act together but its hard work. It only needs something shitty to happen in order to start the downward spiral. Dont get me wrong, my public life is good. I have a job and im going to school. Its the personal life that is bad. I dont connect to people well, i get frustrated. Sometimes im thinking that people are talking behind my back or what not, cant get bad thoughts out of my head. I hate the casual talk. In order to keep the mask on i avoid peple.

    I think that i just need to chill out, or try to. I tried a therapist. It was some free service that university provides to students who are in distress or whatever. Big mistake.
  7. [HOSTILE]

    [HOSTILE] Flame Bait

    Sir, you are awesome. I mean that. I mean...

    No, you got guts.
  8. Yankee

    Yankee Brang the amber lamps


    You have got to be kidding me...

    You're just like me :thumbsup:
  9. Phrosty

    Phrosty الکلی

    S&M :thumbsup:

    You need a masochist to hospitalize every week or so.
  10. BRiT

    BRiT CRaZY Founder / Admin

    Is that you Descent?
    • Like Like x 1
  11. kich

    kich the little spoon

    Problem: you're thinking too much about shit.

    Solution: Don't think so much about shit.

    Worked wonders for me. Realize that life is what it is, and know what reality is, everything else just falls into line on its own.
  12. dustinzgirl

    dustinzgirl Banned - What an Asshat!

    The OP joined in 2005? Odd.
  13. JLXC

    JLXC WTF's Official Conspiracy Fanatic

    Dude, if you're male, you're a pervert. Ask girls, they'll tell you.

    As long as you're not forcing yourself on people, it's all good. There's someone for every kink in the world. Sex fucks up everyone, you're not special.
  14. HatesTulips

    HatesTulips Flame Bait

    American Psycho?
  15. MentorX

    MentorX Bad Monkey

    The op's avatar reminds me of Swirly Face. Wasn't he from Toronto, too?
  16. Stardust

    Stardust Being naked just feels so a-peeling

    First, I couldn't decide if it was some kind of wtf humor. But, it seems to be true. Trying one therapist doesnt help, they often suck(the one that school can affor), are tired with their job and just want to get their talk over asap. You should searh for a therapist who you like and can tell all those things to. The problems are just as big as you make them. So try to, well..get a hobby. anything movies, shark diving, taking photos, writing poetry, making sucky youtube videos. whatever just as long as you like it and then you'll meet people with the same hobby and you'll learn to connect and talk with people.

    If you really are into all that slapping, causing pain. Seek on the internet for the groups. There are thousands like that, I've seen them. :happysad:
  17. Not your enemy

    Not your enemy Flame Bait

    OP ? Yes im from TO.
  18. RageAgainst

    RageAgainst Chaotic Neutral

    Cut your own balls. It will most likely fix your "sick twisted pervert" problems.
  19. Shanananaaa

    Shanananaaa Bacon

    Get help.

  20. Spikey

    Spikey Supreme Leader

    I agree with Stardust. A hobby is definitely the best way to rejoin society. Find a therapist. Find an interest. Find others with the same interest. Find others that you have things in common with. Build a base of friends. Go on with life.
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