What the Job Ad says & What it means
Advancement opportunity:
Shit job
Entry level
Really shit job
No experience necessary
The mother of all shit jobs
Administrative assistant
Shit job with a title
Ground floor opportunity
Shit job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year
Progressive company
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Team player
Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities
Upbeat personality
Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug and alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Word processing skills essentialR There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future.
Public relations Receptionist Professional appearance important
$20K/year that requires a $100K wardrobe
Pleasant telephone mannerR Be voice of 1-900-SUCK
Earn up to $300/hr:
BE 1-900-SUCK
Salary range $24K to $32K
This salary is $24K
Jeans job!
Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions
Will train
Prior conviction of a or two, no problem
B.A. required, master's preferred
Must be an M.A. and be willing to work on a B.A.'s salary
Civil service
This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Women & minorities encouraged to apply
White males need not waste the stamp
Outstanding benefits package
Health insurance
Tons of variety!
We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do and rolled them in to one job.
Top-notch communication skills
Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive locations
Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting
Secretary
Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management and wages of a migrant worker
Executive secretary
The most powerful position in any company
Dedicated
You're looking at a minimum of 80 hrs/wk from now until we force you in to early retirement
Salary commensurate
We will pay whatever the hell we feel like
Salary negotiable
We will take the lowest bidder
Competitive salary
We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job, but not one penny more
Competitive starting salary
Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere
A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere
Zombie pod people
Fun, creative atmosphere
Pod people from hell
Dynamic atmosphere
Zombie pod people from hell
Gal Friday
Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it
Self-starter
Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what this means
Advancement opportunity:
Shit job
Entry level
Really shit job
No experience necessary
The mother of all shit jobs
Administrative assistant
Shit job with a title
Ground floor opportunity
Shit job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year
Progressive company
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Team player
Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities
Upbeat personality
Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug and alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Word processing skills essentialR There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future.
Public relations Receptionist Professional appearance important
$20K/year that requires a $100K wardrobe
Pleasant telephone mannerR Be voice of 1-900-SUCK
Earn up to $300/hr:
BE 1-900-SUCK
Salary range $24K to $32K
This salary is $24K
Jeans job!
Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions
Will train
Prior conviction of a or two, no problem
B.A. required, master's preferred
Must be an M.A. and be willing to work on a B.A.'s salary
Civil service
This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Women & minorities encouraged to apply
White males need not waste the stamp
Outstanding benefits package
Health insurance
Tons of variety!
We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do and rolled them in to one job.
Top-notch communication skills
Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive locations
Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting
Secretary
Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management and wages of a migrant worker
Executive secretary
The most powerful position in any company
Dedicated
You're looking at a minimum of 80 hrs/wk from now until we force you in to early retirement
Salary commensurate
We will pay whatever the hell we feel like
Salary negotiable
We will take the lowest bidder
Competitive salary
We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job, but not one penny more
Competitive starting salary
Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere
A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere
Zombie pod people
Fun, creative atmosphere
Pod people from hell
Dynamic atmosphere
Zombie pod people from hell
Gal Friday
Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it
Self-starter
Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what this means
