Jokes

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Offalittle

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G-string said:
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

Damn fine work.


Two older Palestinian men are sitting in a cafe drinking tea. When the time to pay comes one of the men reaches for his wallet which falls open and several photos tumble out. The falling photos catch the eye of the other man who picks them up and starts to look at them. The owner of the photos points to the first photo and says “That is my oldest son, he is with Allah now, he died a martyr.” He moves the first photo aside revealing the photo of another young man and says, “This is my youngest son, he died a martyr also.” The other man looks to his friend and say “Ah, they blow up so fast now days.”
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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Why dont blondes make kool-aid?

They cant figure out how to fit 2 gallons of water into those itty-bitty packages.

What do you call two nuns and a blonde on a football field?

Two tight ends and one wide reciever.

What does a red head do before she fucks?

Red-heads dont fuck, they are continuosly on the rag.
 

badassmtbiker

Dolemite
1,102
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what's the blonde's mating call?
I'm so drunk

what's an ugly blonde's mating call?
I'm so drunk. I said I'm so drunk

what's a brunette's mating call?
Hey look - all the blonde's are gone
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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Whats a red head mating call?

Is that fucking blonde gone yet, Im going to beat her ass. And that burnette bitch needs to be slapped.


(OK so I made that up, but I can since Im a red head.)
 

badassmtbiker

Dolemite
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dustinzgirl said:
Whats a red head mating call?

Is that fucking blonde gone yet, Im going to beat her ass. And that burnette bitch needs to be slapped.


(OK so I made that up, but I can since Im a red head.)

you just went up 10 points... and I swear it's not 'cause I'm Irish.. lol

mmm redheads
 

MrNewbie

Me Vs. WTF.com
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Why is my name MrNewbie??
Because my name is MrNewbie...


HAHaHAHA??? GET IT??? :mfinger: fucking geeks, should blow your head of with a 44 desert eagle
 

YUCK FOU!!!

Critical Update Notification Tool.
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MrNewbie said:
Why is my name MrNewbie??
Because my name is MrNewbie...


HAHaHAHA??? GET IT??? :mfinger: fucking geeks, should blow your head of with a 44 desert eagle
FOR FUCKS SAKES GET A LIFE AND STOP PLAYING COUNTER STRIKE YOU LITTLE NERD!!!!!!!!!!!!

i like that gun tho
 

Skorch

Destroyer of worlds
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MaxPower said:
.50AE to be technical.

Since you've got Replica written down the side of your gun,
And I've got Desert Eagle .50 written down the side of mine,
it should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence.
Damn I love that movie.
 

badassmtbiker

Dolemite
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Skorch said:
.50AE to be technical.

Since you've got Replica written down the side of your gun,
And I've got Desert Eagle .50 written down the side of mine,
it should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence.
Damn I love that movie.


fuck me me look at the size of him! How big are you? What do ya think kids - how big is he? You box eh? You look like a boxer
 

G's-up

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African American couple decides not to have anymore kids, the wife decided that the husband is going to get snipped. The wife is sittin on the front porch waiting for her husband to come out and go to the dr for his "snipping"....An hour later he walks out wearing a 3 piece suit, the wife looks at him and says "why you so dressed up?" the man looks at his wife and says "If I's gonna be impotent I's gonna look impotent"..... :thumbsup:
 

morelos

lexicon incognito
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waah waaah.

my .40cal could kill any human i had to worry about.

who cares if we're using .45 ACP or .45 auto ammunition (execpt when we get the wrong kind and it won't fit).

a gun is a gun, and plenty of rifles use an un-designated long-body .50cal round anyway.

~ dan ~
 

G's-up

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morelos said:
waah waaah.

my .40cal could kill any human i had to worry about.

who cares if we're using .45 ACP or .45 auto ammunition (execpt when we get the wrong kind and it won't fit).

a gun is a gun, and plenty of rifles use an un-designated long-body .50cal round anyway.

~ dan ~
Its a joke thread people......geez
 

Skorch

Destroyer of worlds
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G-string said:
Its a joke thread people......geez
Can't you see we are in the process of hijacking this thread at gunpoint? Oh well, I guess I can put us back on topic with this one:

A farmer's last rooster dies leaving his 200 hens unable to produce chicks. He logs onto roosters.com, finds a highly-touted and high-priced specimen, clicks "order" and the next day, FedEx delivers a rather ordinary looking rooster named Randy.
Before releasing Randy to the chicken coop, the farmer tells him, "You were one danged expensive rooster and I've got a couple hundred chickens here for you to service, so take your time and do a good job."
Randy acts as if he understands, but as soon as he is released he attacks the hens with a vengeance, working his way through the entire flock, not just once, but three times without pause!
The farmer can't believe his eyes. Then Randy runs out of the hen house, sees a flock of geese down by the lake and services all the geese. The farmer is distraught, worrying that his expensive rooster won't make it through the night.
Sure enough, the next morning when the farmer wakes, he sees Randy lying dead, buzzards circling overhead. As the farmer bends over to retrieve his costly loss, he shakes his head and says, "Damn it, Randy! Didn't I tell you to pace yourself?"
Randy opens one eye, looks at the circling buzzards and says, "Shhh. They're getting closer."
 

The_DEAL

FAILING @FAILING!
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Skorch said:
Can't you see we are in the process of hijacking this thread at gunpoint? Oh well, I guess I can put us back on topic with this one:

A farmer's last rooster dies leaving his 200 hens unable to produce chicks. He logs onto roosters.com, finds a highly-touted and high-priced specimen, clicks "order" and the next day, FedEx delivers a rather ordinary looking rooster named Randy.
Before releasing Randy to the chicken coop, the farmer tells him, "You were one danged expensive rooster and I've got a couple hundred chickens here for you to service, so take your time and do a good job."
Randy acts as if he understands, but as soon as he is released he attacks the hens with a vengeance, working his way through the entire flock, not just once, but three times without pause!
The farmer can't believe his eyes. Then Randy runs out of the hen house, sees a flock of geese down by the lake and services all the geese. The farmer is distraught, worrying that his expensive rooster won't make it through the night.
Sure enough, the next morning when the farmer wakes, he sees Randy lying dead, buzzards circling overhead. As the farmer bends over to retrieve his costly loss, he shakes his head and says, "Damn it, Randy! Didn't I tell you to pace yourself?"
Randy opens one eye, looks at the circling buzzards and says, "Shhh. They're getting closer."
ROFLMMFAO!!!! awsome skorch
 

MaxPower

Baba Yaga
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A guy's wife says honey, i'm going shopping later. He says ok, lemme run out and ill bring you back the car.
He runs out to the tatoo place and asks for tat of a $100 bill on his penis.
The tato guy says, that's odd. Why do you want that?
The guy says, "Just once I'd like to see my wife blow 100 bucks before she leaves the house.




A woman goes to the Gynocologist. During the exam he remarks; "My Gawd, you have a huge hole!!"
She says "What?"
He says" oh,.....nothing......nevermind"
She goes home wondering what he meant.
So she puts a mirror on the floor ans strips naked, standing over the mirror to see what he meant.
Just then her husband walks in. Sees her and asks; "Honey....What the hell are you doing???"
Embaressed she says "Oh....I'm just practicing my ice skating."
Her husband says; "Oh.....OK.........Hey! don't fall in that hole!"
 

G's-up

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MaxPower said:
A guy's wife says honey, i'm going shopping later. He says ok, lemme run out and ill bring you back the car.
He runs out to the tatoo place and asks for tat of a $100 bill on his penis.
The tato guy says, that's odd. Why do you want that?
The guy says, "Just once I'd like to see my wife blow 100 bucks before she leaves the house.




A woman goes to the Gynocologist. During the exam he remarks; "My Gawd, you have a huge hole!!"
She says "What?"
He says" oh,.....nothing......nevermind"
She goes home wondering what he meant.
So she puts a mirror on the floor ans strips naked, standing over the mirror to see what he meant.
Just then her husband walks in. Sees her and asks; "Honey....What the hell are you doing???"
Embaressed she says "Oh....I'm just practicing my ice skating."
Her husband says; "Oh.....OK.........Hey! don't fall in that hole!"
ROFLMAO.....these are great!.. :thumbsup:
 

G's-up

Postaholic
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Hey did you guys hear about the new paint color, "blonde"?



It's not very bright, but it spreads easy......... :cool:
 
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