Jokes

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G's-up

Postaholic
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FLYING BLIND

Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing a pilots' uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit. The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water as the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high-five.
"You know," says one pilot to the other, "one day they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die."
 

Unforgiven

That Guy
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A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread,
butter
and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to
him.

The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts
a conversation.

American: "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America,
we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to
Canada." The American has a smirk on his face.

The Canadian listens in silence.

The American persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Canadian: "Of Course."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then
we put all the peels, seeds,and left overs in containers,
recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to
Canada."

The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.

Canadian: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"

American: "We throw them away, of course."

Canadian: "We don't. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."
 
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