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La Casa de Zoloft in 5 Easy Steps

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Here, I have a compiled a list of totally pointless steps you will never use, but may find some mild amusement in reading. (On a side note: this isn't meant to be taken seriously.)

How to Survive in My Family:


Step 1: Develop a strong stomach, or stock up on Pepto.

Between dads hourly trips to the can, and his ever-constant expelling of excess gas, you will need it. And that's after he eats. Your reaction not only to WHAT he eats, but how he eats, and the things he talks about at the dinner table, should serve as a pretty good indicator of your Squeamishness. If you can't make it through one meal with him, concede to the fact that you will not make it through the rest of the shenanigans. Go hide in your room.


Step 2: Throw Your Ego in the Wastebasket

Cause if you don't it's surely going to be bruised and beaten to a quivering pulpy mess. It helps to immediately assume everything is your fault, and not to argue about it. You are always stupid, inadequate, and wrong, and no amount of explanation or proof to the contrary will change that. You loser.


Step 3: Do as They Say, Not as They Do

As already mentioned in Step 2, you are a screwup. Get used to it. But more importantly, something you must learn: they are the only people in the world who have shitty days.
Maintain a positive attitude. Don't even think about criticizing ANYTHING. No matter how grumpy the rest of the family is, you had better slap on your best Merry-Fucking-Sunshine smile. Your job sucks? Not feeling well? Don't bother venting to anyone in this household. The subject will immediately turn to what a lousy, spoiled ingrate you are, and how shitty their lives are. Watch out for guilt trips.


Step 4: Assume Nothing

Routine, Schmoutine.

I don't care what they said last week, this week you will do the opposite. It really does you no good to attempt to live up to anybody's expectations around here. They will be immediately retracted just when you think you've figured them out, and a new set will be established. Becoming a mindreader just may be in your best interest. Work on it.


and finally.......


Step 5: There's Always Therapy


(Self explanatory.)


Lather, rinse, repeat!
 

jamesp

In Memory...
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#2
Wow, you have compiled a list of all the reasons I left my house when I was 15. How did you know? Ah well, here we are four years later, I haven't spoken with them for more than 10 minutes in that time. It really eliminates the need for step five. :thumbsup:
 

meh_it_all

WTF.com Sexy Pimp-ette.
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#3
Sounds like my house, (except the first one)and that's with one other person in the house (except for me)
 

Hater808

The hate still Shapes me
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Um pretty much YEAH. I am going to print that and stick it on my frige for all to see.
 

leehype

drunk with a jeep problem
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#5
Hater808 said:
Um pretty much YEAH. I am going to print that and stick it on my frige for all to see.

I'm doing the same thing cause that is how my life is now, except change "dad" with "any Cheif"