I always tell myself "You never truly appreciate lonliness till you truly ARE alone." Who the fuck am I decieving... i've been alone most of my life... i learned to like it... learned to embrace it as my only friend. It seemed the only constant thing in my life... there's a song... a line of it goes "Tonight... i won't be alone... but you know that don't mean i'm not lonely." That's how i feel most of the time... i can be surrounded by lots of people... but this emptiness... this lonliness in me won't seem to go away. It's like a hole, waiting to be filled... I see people with their friends... doing things together... they seem happy... so i turn away. Happiness is not something i experience very often. Yes, i knew what it was once... but it's been so long i forget what it feels like. This burden of being alone weighs down on my soul... it forces everything else down below... it consumes me... it eats away at my very being... i cannot fight it... for this is who I am..................
