WTF ... IS WTF!?
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Medical "Professionals"

ron

Buster of Asses
963
0
0
#1
I do not have a general practice doctor because, until recently, I have not been sick with more than the common cold. However, it had been a few years since my last physical and I thought it might be a good idea to get a checkup. Besides, the shit they call air in this area has made me feel like Aqualung for a couple of years now. I figured I ought to get that checked out.

So, I went in to see my wife's doctor. Everyone spoke very highly of her, so I was hopeful. She came in and performed the physical with one of her partners present. I thought this must be a good thing; two doctors for the price of one.

Well, they kept taking my blood pressure while interviewing me. It was a little high. No problem, we all thought.

Their professional medical opinion was that I have developed "atrocious allergies." No shit? My non-professional opinion told me the same thing before I even made the freakin' appointment. She prescribed some allergy medicines, so I let it slide.

They left the room for a bit and then a nurse returned. She said that the doctors wanted to give me an EKG. OK, thought I, Is this part of a normal physical?

Apparently not. After reading the traces and conferring with the other partners, the doctors' professional concensus was that I had had a couple of heart attacks. Heart attacks? WTF?! Apparently, one can have a heart attack without the normal indicators. More tests were scheduled, including a sonagram (ultrasound) of my heart. They went on to insist that I change my whole lifestyle. Blood was drawn for more tests. They worked themselves and me into a frenzy. I began thinking about a will, my wife and kids, all those things I had yet to do. Holy shit, I was suddenly aware of my own mortality! I had to make plans. My wife freaked when she heard the news.

About ten agonizing days later I received the anticipated phone call from the doctors' office with the test results. I was prepared for the worst. I sat stunned as the results were read.

My cholesterol was 176; pretty freakin' low. Nothing abnormal found in my blood or liver function. No sign of any infection or other illness. No elevated white blood cell count. Oh, and it looks like my heart is healthy. Apparently, the EKG leads had been placed improperly and had caused it to look like my heart had been damaged by heart attacks. In short, I was fine. Huh?

Fine? WTF?! What do you mean fine? You get me worked up thinking I have a heart condition and then you come back with, "You're fine. Sorry, dude. My bad." Are you on acid? Are you insane? That kind of shit will make someone have a heart attack, you fucking ghouls. You don't tell people shit like that and then act like nothing happened. What's next, trepaning? Leaches? Fucking exorcisms? Needless to say, I will not return to see that quack or her quack associates. Medical professional, my ass. Where's my Magic 8 Ball?
 

mariusthegreat

:: What Ebonics ::
916
0
80
#2
oh man that sux ass.....that calls for a paintball massacre.....then you could go back..and leave a note saying..."woops...wrong house....sorry!!"

on the bright side..at least now you know for sure that you are a healthy individual....dont have to worry about it for a few more years....it would have really sucked tho..if they woulda checked for prostate cancer....
 

MaxPower

You're my number two
Staff
16,959
8,160
487
#3
ron said:
I do not have a general practice doctor because, until recently, I have not been sick with more than the common cold. However, it had been a few years since my last physical and I thought it might be a good idea to get a checkup. Besides, the shit they call air in this area has made me feel like Aqualung for a couple of years now. I figured I ought to get that checked out.

So, I went in to see my wife's doctor. Everyone spoke very highly of her, so I was hopeful. She came in and performed the physical with one of her partners present. I thought this must be a good thing; two doctors for the price of one.

Well, they kept taking my blood pressure while interviewing me. It was a little high. No problem, we all thought.

Their professional medical opinion was that I have developed "atrocious allergies." No shit? My non-professional opinion told me the same thing before I even made the freakin' appointment. She prescribed some allergy medicines, so I let it slide.

They left the room for a bit and then a nurse returned. She said that the doctors wanted to give me an EKG. OK, thought I, Is this part of a normal physical?

Apparently not. After reading the traces and conferring with the other partners, the doctors' professional concensus was that I had had a couple of heart attacks. Heart attacks? WTF?! Apparently, one can have a heart attack without the normal indicators. More tests were scheduled, including a sonagram (ultrasound) of my heart. They went on to insist that I change my whole lifestyle. Blood was drawn for more tests. They worked themselves and me into a frenzy. I began thinking about a will, my wife and kids, all those things I had yet to do. Holy shit, I was suddenly aware of my own mortality! I had to make plans. My wife freaked when she heard the news.

About ten agonizing days later I received the anticipated phone call from the doctors' office with the test results. I was prepared for the worst. I sat stunned as the results were read.

My cholesterol was 176; pretty freakin' low. Nothing abnormal found in my blood or liver function. No sign of any infection or other illness. No elevated white blood cell count. Oh, and it looks like my heart is healthy. Apparently, the EKG leads had been placed improperly and had caused it to look like my heart had been damaged by heart attacks. In short, I was fine. Huh?

Fine? WTF?! What do you mean fine? You get me worked up thinking I have a heart condition and then you come back with, "You're fine. Sorry, dude. My bad." Are you on acid? Are you insane? That kind of shit will make someone have a heart attack, you fucking ghouls. You don't tell people shit like that and then act like nothing happened. What's next, trepaning? Leaches? Fucking exorcisms? Needless to say, I will not return to see that quack or her quack associates. Medical professional, my ass. Where's my Magic 8 Ball?
Can you go somewhere to geht a second oppinion? Find out if the guy who said "No problem" wasn't wrong?
 

Signify

Particinator
777
0
0
#4
ya i had somthing similar. With a week left of school in sixth grade my nech froze up(couldnt move it or else it felt like sombody was sliding a burning knife into my neck) and my throat hurt to much to eat solid foods. i went to my familys doctor and he twisted my neck. i nearly passed out, and if you knew me i dont get quesy easily. so doctor gets worried and sends me to the hospital, 2 hours away and they start doing tests on me. they draw enough blood to fill 3 of those trays. the doctor there whispers to my mom that it is strongly and most likly that i have meningitis. My mom freaks out and so do i. 5 really tense days pass and they finaly give word that all i have is strep throat and that i had coughed so hard at night i had ripped tendons in my neck. kinda anti-climaxical, eh?
 

morelos

lexicon incognito
1,952
0
0
#5
ron - you just explained in one WONDERFUL story why i go to the doctor rarely, the dentist frequently, and i order all my medicine (anti-biotics, pain-killers, anxiety and sleep meds) from a private pharmacist in india.

western medicine tends toward the accurate, but when it fucks up, they come in and say shit like, "i'm sorry, mr. jones; you have cervical cancer and you have only six months to live."
 

ron

Buster of Asses
963
0
0
#6
This was all driven home when another guy here at work, same age as I am but in far better shape, died suddently of a heart attack. This happened during the week I was awaiting test results. I'm sure the doctors had told him, "you're healthy as a horse." Assholes. It doesn't affect them, so they don't worry about the results; job security, I guess. Fucking ghouls.
 

Signify

Particinator
777
0
0
#7
ya. they all band together and it is practically impossible to sue em.
 

otepsoul

Bringer of Bees
2,732
0
100
#9
ron said:
I do not have a general practice doctor because, until recently, I have not been sick with more than the common cold. However, it had been a few years since my last physical and I thought it might be a good idea to get a checkup. Besides, the shit they call air in this area has made me feel like Aqualung for a couple of years now. I figured I ought to get that checked out.

So, I went in to see my wife's doctor. Everyone spoke very highly of her, so I was hopeful. She came in and performed the physical with one of her partners present. I thought this must be a good thing; two doctors for the price of one.

Well, they kept taking my blood pressure while interviewing me. It was a little high. No problem, we all thought.

Their professional medical opinion was that I have developed "atrocious allergies." No shit? My non-professional opinion told me the same thing before I even made the freakin' appointment. She prescribed some allergy medicines, so I let it slide.

They left the room for a bit and then a nurse returned. She said that the doctors wanted to give me an EKG. OK, thought I, Is this part of a normal physical?

Apparently not. After reading the traces and conferring with the other partners, the doctors' professional concensus was that I had had a couple of heart attacks. Heart attacks? WTF?! Apparently, one can have a heart attack without the normal indicators. More tests were scheduled, including a sonagram (ultrasound) of my heart. They went on to insist that I change my whole lifestyle. Blood was drawn for more tests. They worked themselves and me into a frenzy. I began thinking about a will, my wife and kids, all those things I had yet to do. Holy shit, I was suddenly aware of my own mortality! I had to make plans. My wife freaked when she heard the news.

About ten agonizing days later I received the anticipated phone call from the doctors' office with the test results. I was prepared for the worst. I sat stunned as the results were read.

My cholesterol was 176; pretty freakin' low. Nothing abnormal found in my blood or liver function. No sign of any infection or other illness. No elevated white blood cell count. Oh, and it looks like my heart is healthy. Apparently, the EKG leads had been placed improperly and had caused it to look like my heart had been damaged by heart attacks. In short, I was fine. Huh?

Fine? WTF?! What do you mean fine? You get me worked up thinking I have a heart condition and then you come back with, "You're fine. Sorry, dude. My bad." Are you on acid? Are you insane? That kind of shit will make someone have a heart attack, you fucking ghouls. You don't tell people shit like that and then act like nothing happened. What's next, trepaning? Leaches? Fucking exorcisms? Needless to say, I will not return to see that quack or her quack associates. Medical professional, my ass. Where's my Magic 8 Ball?
ron where you been bro?
 

ron

Buster of Asses
963
0
0
#10
otepsoul said:
ron where you been bro?
Sick, tired, and pissed off. Work has given me seventeen shades of shit to work on, all of which management calls "high priority" because they do not communicate and can't make a decision. I have been so stressed lately because of work that my health has gotten pretty freakin' bad. Take this post and magnify it by 81 and you'll have some approximation of the last three months here. The dumbass I posted about in an earlier post (stupid, inept co-workers, I think) got his lazy ass fired and I had to take up the slack for him until about two weeks ago. Things are now getting back to normal.

I'm really looking forward to winning the lottery...